Charles Gunn quotes from Angel

Gunn

[researching from a book] Got it. The dark soul.

Angel

What's it say?

Gunn

A lot. There are over 3,200 different references. Four of them are about you.

Angel

What? Give me that.

This is getting us nowhere.

Angel

Let me see this. [reading] Well, that's not fair. I didn't even have a soul when I did that.

[slurring, as a demon bumps into her.] Hey, you want a piece of me, buddy? That's right, keep walking. You walk alone! You walk alone!

Wesley

Careful, that thing's loaded.

So am I. I mean, wow. Wes. Wesley, [puts her arms around Wesley's neck] I am totally drunk-faced!

Wesley

Because you can't hold your.. What are you drinking?

Nothing.

Wesley

You can't hold that.

Oh, yeah? Lightweight? How much have you had?

Wesley

[holds up a beer bottle] Including this, I've had... about 1/3 of a half of this beer.

That's weird, right?

Wesley

Yes, I think so. I think that's weird.

There's Gunn. Let's go ask him if that's weird.

Wesley

Hey. Hey, Gunn. Is something weird going on? [Gunn turns toward Wesley without moving his hands, which are together just below his waist] Charles, you just peed on my shoes.

Gunn

[looks down, confused] I'll be damned. [zips his zipper] That's weird.

Wesley

Everything he's told us to do, we're doing. Spike's thinking positive. Gunn is peeing all over the office.

[slurring] And we're a little bit drunk.

Wesley

Yes! But not because we drank. Because Lorne told us to be drunk!

Angel

[to Gunn] Lorne told you to pee all over the office?

Gunn

Lord, I hope so.

Spike

You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fantastic!

Gunn

Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy?

Spike

What? The Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody fabulous.

Angel

Ow!

What happened?

Angel

The mail guy threw me.

Gunn

What?!

Spike

Number 5?! [smiling] He did this? Isn't he like 100 years old?

Gunn

Still not sure why Blondie Ghost tagged along.

Spike

Not much choice really, is there? Can't drink, smoke, diddle my willy. Doesn't leave much to do other than watch you blokes stumble around playing Agatha Christie.

Wesley

Yeah, remind me again how you ended up in the front seat.

Spike

Called shotgun, mate.

Wesley

Oh. [pulls up a shotgun] I thought we were doing a weapons check.

Gunn

Nothing wrong with that. [pulls up an axe] We may need these bad boys if we're going up against some Mexican Day of the Dead heart-sucking monster.

Wesley

Angel, the church we're looking for is about half a mile... [Angel suddenly spins the car around in a 180]

Spike

Always was a bit of a drama queen.

Spike

Oh, Eve's stuck in the elevator.

Gunn

So tell Maintenance. [runs off]

Spike

Right. Well where the bloody hell is Maintenan--? [beat] Oh to be honest, I don't even care. [walks away]

Harmony

I just--I don't get it. Why'd you kill Eli?

Angel

Didn't much like what he was doing in his off hours.

Harmony

Well, that's not right. What Eli did on his own time--

Gunn

Is dismember virgins.

Harmony

Oh. Well, a person's religious beliefs is no cause for--

Gunn

He did it for his own amusement.

Harmony

Oh. Well, okay. Still, couldn't you've given him a stern warning or something first?

Angel

Called a zero-tolerance policy, not a maybe-this-once policy.

Spike

Well, this is... Thank you, everyone. I don't know what to say. I'm just a working-class bloke fulfilling his destiny. It was nothing, really.

Nothing? Spike, you single-handedly ended Armageddon and turned the world into a beautiful, happily-ever-after-candy-mountain place where all our dreams come true.

Spike

Beautiful, isn't it?

Gunn

The living end. And now it's time for your reward.

Wesley

Yes, your reward!

Spike

But I didn't do this for a reward.

Gunn

Well, that's why you're getting one.

Wesley

After all, anyone who saves the universe from eternal bloodshed, horror, and misery deserves to get what they've always wanted.

Deserves to become a real boy.

And so you shall. [waves her wand over Spike]

Spike

My heart. It's... it's beating again! Listen.

[puts her ear to his chest] You're human, Spike. You're alive!

Gunn

Ooh, I wanna hear!

Wesley

Let's hear it for Spike!

You play golf? Since--what?

Gunn

All part of the mojo the big boys installed. Half the cases that cross our desk are settled out on the links before they ever make it to trial.

Nine holes instead of a jury of your peers. Just what the founding fathers had in mind.

Gunn

[singing] Three little maids who, all unwary,/ Come from a ladies' seminary,/ Freed from its genius tutelary--/ Three little maids from school!/ Three little maids --

Gunn

[rapping] ...and ya don't stop with all the ladies in the... gangsta but ... go [spoken] What's up?

Wesley

I should ask you. You seem unutterably cheery.

Gunn

I am. I am. Look...I gotta be straight with you, 'cause this is kinda blowin' my mind.

Wesley

Tell me.

Gunn

Fred and I are gettin' back together. [Wesley's smile melts] She was so keyed up from last night's fight, she asked me over. We ended up talkin' for hours, like old times. Then, all of a sud...I can't even keep this up, 'cause your face is gonna make me weep. Wes, I am so messin' with you.

Gunn

What about her--If her organs have been liquefied?

Spike

[raises hand] Flash fried in a pillar of fire, savin' the world. I got better.

Angel

Any idea how she got past you?

Gunn

One second she was standing there, the next, poof.

Angel

She's a teleporter?

Wesley

I don't think so. No characteristic displacement of the atmosphere around her.

Spike

I fancied I saw a blur just before she went Houdini.

Gunn

Yeah, like she was pulling a Barry Allen.

Gunn

Jay Garrick? Wally-- Like she was moving really fast.

Wesley

Is there something you'd like to tell me, Charles?

Wesley

Knox was in contact with the doctor. But you already know that, don't you?

Gunn

Yeah, one of my sources...

Wesley

Don't! What he said... about Fred, about her soul, is it true? What did you do, Charles?

Gunn

It was just a piece of paper. I was losing it. Everything they put in my head, everything that made me different. Special. And he could fix it. Make it permanent. So I signed a piece of paper. It was a custom's release form. I didn't think anyone would get hurt.

Wesley

Nothing from Wolfram & Hart is ever free. You knew that.

Gunn

I couldn't go back... to being just the muscle. I... I didn't think it would be one of us. I didn't think it would be Fred.

Wesley

I understand not wanting to go back, not wanting to be who we were. I understand it. And I can forgive it. But you knew what was happening to her. You knew who was responsible and you didn't say anything. You let her die.

Wesley

I'm less forgiving about that.

Angel

Listen, Gunn... I know you feel bad about your part in what happened to Fred. And you should. For the rest of your life, it should wake you up in the middle of the night. And it will...because you're a good man. You signed a piece of paper, that's all.

Gunn

But I knew. Not about Fred, but... when I signed, I knew there would be consequences.

Angel

You know, the thing about atonement is, you never run out of chances... but you gotta take 'em. You can't hide in some hospital room and pretend it's all gonna go away... 'cause it never will.