Charles Gunn quotes from Angel

Cordelia

Okay, okay. Let's not get off track here. We wanna find Angel as much as you do.

Kate Lockley

No you don't. You wanna protect him, even though he's lost it. He stalked that woman because he thought she was this Darla from his past. She begged him to stay out, and he knocked down the door and killed her husband. I've read about him too, I know what he is, and I know he hasn't changed.

Gunn

No. He hasn't. He's still a vampire.

Cordelia

Gunn! Not helping.

Gunn

So how'd he get in the house? She invite him in?

Kate Lockley

Course she didn't in...

Cordelia

The only way Angel could have gotten into that house uninvited would be if the real owners were dead. It's what he was saying all along, she isn't DeEtta Kramer!

Gunn

Okay, what I want to know is, how'd I live in L.A. all my life and not notice weird-ass stuff was going on?

Cordelia

Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think!

Cordelia

[pushes "open" button] They have vampire detectors!

Gunn

We know, it's cool. He's got a plan.

Wesley

A plan?

Angel

Yeah. [pushes a floor button] I get to the offices before they stop me.

Gunn

See? [whips his head around to stare at Angel] What? That's the plan? Walkin' real quick was "the plan"?

Cordelia

[pushes open] Angel, this is crazy. Listen to yourself. You're all insane and angry and [Angel pushes up] insane! You need help!

Angel

I'm not insane and I'm not angry.

Wesley

Euugh!

Gunn

Man, that's nasty.

Angel

Maybe I'm a little angry.

Cordelia

"Maybe"?!

Gunn

Okay, what I want to know is, how'd I live in L.A. all my life and not notice weird-ass stuff was going on?

Cordelia

Oh, the ass is even weirder than you think!

Wesley

The Host, the fellow talking to Angel over there? He helps demons, reads their souls, senses their futures...

Cordelia

Yes, but he can only do it when they sing Karaoke.

Gunn

At gunpoint?

Cordelia

Yes! The point of a gun! He just walked Wesley right out of here. And this whole "I'm Angel" thing is a very, very bad idea. I mean, if I thought that would work, I could've been Angel, because, guess what? Pretty much a girly name.

Bryce

She's impure? She-she's not a virgin? [Starts towards Wesley] You...

Gunn

Woah! That's what "impure" meant?

She slept with him?

Bryce

You were supposed to be Angel. This wouldn't have happened. That's why I hired him. He's a eunuch.

Cordelia

You slept with her?

Angel

A eunuch?

Wesley

Things happen. Two young people, danger...

Virginia

What are you talking about?

Bryce

She was a virgin before you got here.

Virginia

I was not a virgin!

Bryce

What?

Wesley

Oh, thank goodness.

Gunn

I could have told you she was no virgin.

Angel

Not a eunuch.

Cordelia

One day as Angel! One day, and he's getting some.

Bryce

What? How could you. I kept you away from all men!

Angel

The curse isn't even all that clear.

Virginia

Daddy, you remember that chauffeur from when I was 16? And the one at 18? I haven't been a virgin for a very long time. I even dated Rick.

Bryce

Ginny, don't do this! Don't make me angry!

Virginia

Right. Because then you might do something bad. You were going to kill me! [She punches Bryce, knocking him to the ground.] You are not my father anymore.

Angel

Not a eunuch.

Gunn

Okay, I'm still tryin' to get this family tree straight. Darla sired Angel.

Wesley

Correct.

Gunn

And Angel sired this Drusilla.

Wesley

Back when he and Darla were together, yes.

Gunn

But, before Angel got his soul back, right?

Wesley

Certainly.

Gunn

Now these lawyers, they brought Darla back as human. Now this Drusilla vamp goes and bites Darla?

Wesley

So it would seem.

Gunn

Making her a vampire again.

Wesley

That's the cosmological upshot, yes. Darla's human self has died, and some time before dawn, unless Angel can stop it, she will rise again, a soulless demon.

Gunn

So that means...

Wesley

Clock is ticking.

Gunn

No, no, what I'm sayin' is, that means the granddaughter remade the grandmother.

Wesley

Oh. Yes.

Gunn

Man, somehow that weirds me out more than the whole blood-suckin' thing.

Wesley

And you just walked away?

Angel

No, I walked to my car and then I drove away.

Gunn

You didn't do anything?

Wesley

You allowed Darla and Drusilla to have free reign.

Angel

I didn't bring either one of them into this. They did.

Wesley

You could have stopped them.

Angel

And I will.

Cordelia

When? After they've finished off all the people you don't like?

Wesley

Angel, while it's certainly true that these lawyers brought this on themselves, what you did is...

Cordelia

...is wrong.

Gunn

You went too far.

Wesley

We've all been worried about you, and I guess it's fair to say we all share some of the blame. We should have spoken up sooner.

Gunn

And louder.

Cordelia

You have to change the way you've been doing things. Don't you see where this is taking you?

Wesley

Listen to her! Right now the three of us are all that's standing between you and real darkness.

Gunn

Best believe that, man.

Angel

I do. You're all fired.

Cordelia

What just happened? Can someone explain to me what just happened here?

Wesley

I believe we were fired.

Gunn

Canned.

Wesley

Let go.

Gunn

Axed.

Wesley

Shown the door.

Gunn

Booted.

Cordelia

All right! I get it. But... what just... happened?

Gunn

Hey, I got a rep to maintain, all right? I can't have y'all seeing through my brusque and macho exterior.

Cordelia

Oh, heavens forbid!

Wesley

Well, how is the man supposed to run a business if his employees won't follow directives?

Gunn

Well, was one of his directives, "Hire pansy-ass British guys"?

Wesley

My arse is not pansy.

Wesley

Hypocrite!

Cordelia

Ass-pansy!

Cordelia

One thing you can say about Angel: at least he's consistent! It's always some little blonde driving him over the edge! [sighs] What are we supposed to do now?

Gunn

I think I'll grab a burrito before I head home. [Wesley and Cordelia stare at him.] What?

Wesley

No, no, by all means, if you're hungry.

Gunn

Hey, this was just a side gig for me, all right? The extra cash was nice while it lasted but - [shrugs] Angel wants to go all commando? No skin off my nose.

Cordelia

Well my nose skin is angry. And hurt. And ...

Wesley

... disappointed?

Virginia

[entering with a basket] Hey, Wow! This place is great. I brought champagne. You guys must be so excited... [takes in their looks] in that really dry, suicidal way.

Wesley

[kisses her] Sorry, sweetheart. You just caught us in a moment of ... well ...

Cordelia

Reality.

Virginia

Oh, that. I avoid that.

Gunn

How do you avoid reality?

Virginia

Money. It cures everything but boredom. [holds up basket] And food cures boredom, so there you go. Imported chips and packets of cheese.

Gunn

Thanks.

Wesley

We'll enjoy them huddled around our pathetic candles.

Cordelia

We'll make pathetic nachos.

Virginia

You guys are really down.

Gunn

Yeah. And don't try to tell us there's no way to go but up, 'cause the truth is, there's always more down.

Gunn

All right, here's the plan. I want y'all to roll the camera and wait for the cops to start hassling us.

How do you know they will?

Gunn

'Cause we'll be the ones walking while black!

Gunn

So you had an epiphany, did you?

Angel

Yeah.

Gunn

So ... what? You just wake up, and 'bang'?

Angel

Sort of the other way around.