Cordelia Chase quotes from Angel

Cordelia

[to Wesley and Gunn] Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Bickerson! A little focus, please.

Cordelia

(to Billy) Actually, I'm feeling superior because I have an arrow aimed at your jugular. And the irony of using a phallic shaped weapon? Not lost on me.

Cordelia

(about the pentagram) Oh, I give up. I tried soaking it out, tried scrubbing it out. No question, we've got ring around the lobby. I say we toss in the towel and buy a big-ass throw rug. Who's with me?

Cordelia

Oh my god? You can hear me? I so love you.

Cordelia

That's everything? It all makes perfect sense now. I was a cheerleader, a princess and a warrior. And I have visions and super powers and I'm the target of an evil law firm because I've spent the last three months living on a higher plane, fighting for the forces of good, who wage a battle against demons and evilies and squishy bug babies, 'cause all that stuff's real and that's the world I live in. And-and I think I know why I don't remember any of this 'cause, hey, who'd want to!

Cordelia

Spike's a hero and you're CEO of Hell, Incorporated. What frickin' bizzaro world did I wake up in?

Cordelia

[grabs Eve by the ear] Let's go, Lilah Jr.

Cordelia

Oh, that is so high school. "Ooh-ooh! Cordelia wears bras! She has girl parts!"

Cordelia

So, um, are you still... 'Grrr'?

Angel

Yeah. There's not actually a cure for that.

Cordelia

Oh, God, I'm sorry! I'm getting all weepy in front of you. I probably look really scary. I finally get invited to a nice place... with no mirrors, and... lots of curtains... Hey! You're a vampire!

What? No, I'm not.

Cordelia

Are too!

I don't know what you're talking about.

Cordelia

I'm from Sunnydale -- we had our own Hellmouth! I think I know a vampire when I... am... alone with him... in his fortress-like home. And, you know? I think I'm just feeling a little light-headed from hunger. I'm just wacky! And kidding!! Ha, ha!...

Truth is, I'm glad you know. It means we can skip the formalities.

I'm still going to go celebrate with a drink down in the pub.

Cordelia

He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink down in the pub.

Oh, God... You know what would feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time... because that would really kill me. What, is there some trick to this?

Cordelia

[takes the aspirin bottle away from Doyle and dispenses three tablets] I think the 'trick' is laying off the ale before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby-man.

Hey, that's a good book.

Cordelia

So I've heard. But I doubt very much that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble, as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also? I don't think Oz appreciated being called "my little Bamm-Bamm" all night.

Angel

Am I intimidating? I mean, do I put people off?

Cordelia

Well, as vampires go, you're pretty cuddly. Maybe you might want to think about mixing up the black-on-black a little, though.

Cordelia

I know Angel's been working day and night to help people fight their personal demons, but I need a raise.

A raise? You've been working for him for, what, like, twenty minutes?

Cordelia

A month. And I have needs.

Needs.

Cordelia

A person, needs certain... designer... things.

Cordelia

We have to stand up to him.

Yeah, we're standing up. [They stand up.]

Cordelia

We'll just wait until he has his coffee. [Angel enters.]

Angel

Good morning.

Cordelia

Morning.

Morning. [Angel pours himself a cup of coffee, sips, and makes a disgusted face.]

Angel

Ehhh. What is this?

Cordelia

Last week's coffee. Think of it as espresso.

Angel

[supresses gag] I think my esophagus is melting.