Cordelia Chase quotes from Angel

Angel

Ask me why I'm smiling.

Cordelia

I will because it's scaring me.

Wesley

Why can't you have sex?

Cordelia

Because I could lose my virginity.

Wesley

If you want to play it that way..

Cordelia

VISIONity. The visions. In Pylea the visions were supposed to pass on to Groo if we ever did the royal "com-shuk". How do I know that won't happen here?

Angel

Good point. You really don't.

Wesley

But your recent transformation could have changed all that. It might be possible...

Angel

Still, you know. Better safe than sorry. You're doing the right thing.

Cordelia

I know. I know. I can't risk it. It's just.. I'm so.. And he's such a.. Don't you think?

Cordelia

I mean there's got to be other things we could do to relieve the tension.

Angel

Jogging could be a thing.

Wesley

Or perhaps there's some form of paranormal prophylactic...

Angel

Cause you know, jogging...

Cordelia

I guess we could probably "com" without actually "shuk"ing.

Angel

Well, I don't know. That could be a slippery slope that.. Once you're on that.. That you could.. Slide..

Cordelia

Angel --

Angel

I know.

We are surrounded.

Angel

I know.

We have to save Charles!

Angel

I know!

Cordelia

I know you don't want to talk about it but you don't mess with dark magics and expect to just walk away like it doesn't matter.

Angel

Doesn't matter. It was a waste of time.

Cordelia

Still, I should probably know what kind of spell it was. You know there's almost always some cosmic price to using primordial powers. There could be repercussions. And you know the one person who might be able to help us with that isn't around any more.

Cordelia

Not going there. Just saying..

Cordelia

You can run away and avoid talking about this but you know as well as I do: stuff we do in the past usually comes back to bite us in our respective assi and what you did...

Angel

Okay, so maybe I wasn't thinking too clearly. I mean I was drunk for awhile there, drunk in my own son's blood, slipped into my food by the good folks at Wolfram and Hart. And my head was little clouded with rage over a trusted friend stealing my child from me.. Damn it Cordelia, you got me talking about this.

Gunn

Couple weeks ago, he was wearin' diapers. Now he's a teenager?

Cordelia

Tell me we don't live in a soap opera.

Groosalugg

Princess, perhaps your newfound powers can seal it shut.

Cordelia

Can't hurt to try.

Cordelia

I command you close!

Chase

Okay, I got nothin'.

Angel

I don't even own a TV. He's gonna wanna watch TV. Not too much, I mean, after homework and chores. He's gonna need clothes, weekly allowance... What's good nowadays? Fifty cents, a dollar?

Cordelia

Yeah. If you're Tom Sawyer painting the fence.

Angel

See? I'm so out of touch.

Cordelia

Well, what about rebuilding your club here?

Lorne

Well, that's a great idea, pixiecat, except every time I do, you all seem to destroy it.

Cordelia

It was only (pauses and looks ashamed) three times.

Groosalugg

Might I further relieve you by at first gently and then more rapidly rubbing your schlug-tee?

Cordelia

Uh, I don't really, um... Maybe later at home. [whispers] I don't feel comfortable doing it in the office, Groo.

Groosalugg

Doing it?

Cordelia

Sex.

Groosalugg

[too loudly] Oh, you wish to have sex!

Cordelia

What? No! Shh!

Groosalugg

I was proposing a massage of your schlug-tee. Your tense neck muscle. But, it is always an honor to make sex with you! [whispers] Later at home. I understand perfectly.

Angel

I found Holtz.

Cordelia

And?

Angel

I didn't kill him.

Cordelia

Maybe you're growing as a person.

Angel!

Angel

All that talking really takes it out of you.

You need rest.

Angel

I need Cordy, now. Wherever she is, whatever she's going through, we have to find her. [panning out to the sky]

Cordelia

[glowing among other higher beings] God, I am so bored.

Cordelia

Was I a nun?

Angel

A what?

Cordelia

Were we not a happy family because I was a nun? [reaches over to a box next to her] I was going through my stuff [grabs a handful of rosaries] and I found all these—

Cordelia

[to Angel] Are you going to stop this?

Angel

High time the English got what's coming to 'em. I'm rooting for the slave!

Angel

Cordelia? Were we in love?

Cordelia

We were.

Cordelia

OK. What the hell is goin' on here?

Wesley

What's your name?

Cordelia

I'm Cordelia Chase, dumbass. And if this is some sort of sophomore hazing prank where I get doped up and left with a bunch of proto-losers, then my parents are gonna be suing the entire population of Sunnydale. Comprendez?