CordeliaHey, I'm all for being idolized, but what the hell is going on?
To protect the miracle child.
Protect? Ah, that's good. We're all here for the same thing.
[The guy with the sword that Lilah called earlier suddenly jumps through one of the glass windows above, dressed like a ninja and holding the sword in front of him, screaming 'die!' The miracle child worshipping vampires jump on him en masse, and he goes down with a strangled scream. We hear a crunch and someone gulping down liquid.]
As it has been prophesied by our great potentate Ul-thar, we vow our lives to protect this special child.
[aside to Darla] You hear that? Our kid. Special.
Now let us kill the humans so we may use their blood to nourish the mother and her miracle child.
[smiling] Guess I'm getting dinner after all.
Darla, you might wanna join the fight.
Sorry, darling. I'm gonna have to be Switzerland and sit this one out. Now, you did say you were just gonna kill the humans, right?
Yes, just the humans. Then we will nourish you, slice you open, wear your entrails as a belt and consume your eyeballs before we worship the miracle child.
Gunn, you and I can hold them off for as long as we can. The rest of you, get Darla to the car.
Oh, I'd rather stay and fight. Show these youngsters a thing or two about real carnage.
That's thoughtful, but, you know, you should go.
Charles, do you have an extra dagger I could borrow?
[Gunn pulls out a dagger and hands it to her.]
No my count of three. One, two...
[Fred holds the dagger against Darla's belly.]
You freaks make one move and I'll slice the miracle kid into triplets.
Cordelia
It's always the quiet ones.
[quietly to Darla] They don't know the knife can't hurt the baby.
[smiling] They do now. Vampires have great hearing.
[Darla is still in the back of the car. Wesley is sitting on the trunk facing Fred, standing behind the car. Gunn is sitting on the side of the passenger door. Cordelia starts the car.]
Cordelia
It's been six and a half.
It probably wouldn't hurt to wait another minute, right? I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen in another minute? [Darla lets out a blood-curdling scream.] Ask a stupid question...
Her water's broken. This is for real. There should be a blanket in the trunk.
Cordelia
What are we gonna do? Deliver the kid right here? Shouldn't we go somewhere?
[Gunn gets the blanket out of the trunk and he and Wesley help a screaming Darla to lie down in the back seat while the camera pulls up to give us an overhead view of them.]
[Cordy, Wes, Fred, and Gunn all sit in the front of the convertible, leaving a very pregnant Darla alone in the back.]
Doesn't anyone wanna sit back here with me?
Cordelia
We're good.
I promise I won't throw anyone out of the car. Not while it's moving.
It's not that we don't trust you. I mean, we don't trust you, but, the fact is, your water broke all over the back seat.
(preparing for the assault) What are you doing?
Trying to imagine myself as John Wayne in Rio Bravo. You?
Austin Stoker. Assault on Precinct 13. (they high five)
Cordelia
If we live through this, trade in the DVD players and get a life.
DDoctor
I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy.
Cordelia
Oh, great. But I'm not the mother.
DDoctor
Oh, I'm sorry. (turns to Fred) I'm happy to report you have a healthy baby boy.
I'm afraid the mother is, ah, no longer in the picture.
DDoctor
I see. Well, his height and weight are in the ninetieth percentile. We gave him his vitamin K and his PKU and he's doing very well. We don't seem to have his - what's his name?
(arriving) Connor. His name is Connor.
DDoctor
Connor. Thank you. Mr. (looks at the papers) Angel. And congratulations.
Cordelia
You're - you're - death? You've come to take me.
[bursts out laughing] Kidding. [Offers hand] I'm Skip. [She doesn't shake it] You're Cordelia Chase, right? [Cordelia nods slightly] Sorry it took me so long, I... [indicates her body] this you? Most people go astral, their spiritual shapes tend to be an idealized version of themselves. You know, straighten the nose, lose the gray, sort of a self-esteem kind of thing. You're pretty confident, aren't ya?
Cordelia
Is this...? This is a Mall.
We just figured you'd be more comfortable here.
Cordelia
We?
Cordelia
The Powers That Be popped me out of my body and sent me to a Mall?
Actually, this is more a construct of a Mall. You know, like in "The Matrix".
Cordelia
You've seen "The Matrix"?
Oh, love that flick. When Trinity is all 'dodge this' and the agent just crumples to the [Cordelia sighs] and I'm not really instilling any awe anymore, am I?
Inside every living thing there is a connection to the Powers That Be. Call it instinct, intuition. Deep down we all know our purpose in this world.
Cordelia
Are you saying that, I was meant to be an actress?
No. I'm saying you were meant to be an incredibly famous and wealthy actress. And the Powers That Be can make that happen.
Cordelia
I want something. Hypo-something. Hypothermia?
NNev
[to phone] Josh, lets get a large tub of ice water to Miss Chase's dressing room, pronto.
Cordelia
[to herself] No, that's not it.
NNev
Cancelling ice water.
Cordelia
Hyper... hyperbaric?
NNev
Josh, make it an oxygen tent.
Cordelia
[to herself] No, that's not it either.
Cordelia
[spins to Nev] Hyperion! That's it!
Cordelia
Yes. I wanna go there.
Guys, can I say something? Money's important (pauses) but it isn't everything. I got... I got carried away. (looks over at the pile of money) I just never had a life that was totally dependent on me before. But that's no excuse. (looks at the money again) Where was I?
Cordelia
Money's not the most important...
No, it's not. What's important is family ... and the mission.
Cordelia
(after a long pause and looking at the money) They tried to cut Fred's head off. We earned every penny.
(everyone begins grabbing money furiously)
[Angel has bought tickets to a ballet instead of a rock concert.]
No, this is not Mata Hari. This is tutus and guys with their big-ass packages jumping up and down! This is just -- I will never trust you again. The trust is gone.
Cordelia
Oh, get over it. Do we get dressed up?
Cordelia
I'm in.
Guys, seeing the ballet live, it's... it's like another world. Gunn, these guys are tight, and you're going to be tripping out.
Don't be using my own phrases when we've lost the trust.
[A security guard is blocking the only way backstage at the ballet.]
Cordelia
You want I should distract him? Make with the nice-nice while you slip by?
Don't be stupid. I'm that guy and the most beautiful girl I've ever seen is making eyes at me? It's either a bachelor party or a scam.
Cordelia
What did you just call me?
I'm sorry. You're not stupid.
Cordelia
No. After that.
I think I'll just have to go with my patented sudden burst of violence.
Cordelia
Hey, hold on. I think I might have an approach that is a little more subtle.
[A smiling Cordelia approaches the guard.]
Cordelia
Hey! Do you like bribes?
[Cordelia holds up a $20.]
Cordelia
Well, we really want to go backstage.
GGuard
Yeah, okay, but this isn't so much a bribe as it is a tip, and since I'm not parking your car, there's really no way--
[Angel punches guard in the face.]
Okay, that's how we do it.
Angel · 793 quotes
