WesleyHello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting axe when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia has had a vision." Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil.
We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
Wesley
I also packed along a Word Puzzle 3-D, if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
Gee, Wesley, I'd love to... but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet.
Wesley
If shaking your booty at the latest trendy hot spot is your idea of a life, then call me... [Cordy's gorgeous friends Serena and Emily enter] ...sick with envy.
SSerena
[to Wesley] Hi. I'm Serena. Nice ax.
Wesley
Oh, no, this old thing? [accidentally embeds weapon in wall]
So, you're seeing someone? How come I haven't met him?
'Cause I'm ashamed of you, not to mention how you'd embarrass me by giving him the third degree.
EEmily
Your boss could give me the third degree anytime.
Oh, um... so... [collapses and convulses; Angel and Wesley try to distract Serena and Emily so they won't notice Cordelia having vision]
[pushes some mail off desk] Um, uh, Cordelia! Grab that file.
Wesley
[bending to pick up mail] Don't worry. Heh Heh. Whoopsie! [straightens up]
Lounge La Brea. Sounds like that could be an evening with all sorts of evening type... I heard the bands there are...
SSerena
They don't have bands.
Which I like, 'cause if it's too loud...
Oh, I think I may be busy. [flash of Cordelia's vision] Besides, um, I don't, um, lounge... all that well.
Wesley
[loud laugh] Good one. Oh, yes, no. He's no lounger, this one. [throws arm across Angel's shoulders] Hmm-mmm.
SSerena
[aside to Emily] The good ones are always gay. Cor, tick-tock. [Cordelia shakily stands]
[asking about her vision] So, that client I'm supposed to be meeting tonight... What's he like again?
Like a big baby hatching from a big egg, with really large hands, in need of a manicure. You're meeting him here. [writes down address, then moves toward door with girls]
Okay. Are my girls ready to party?
[Oven timer dings. Wes checks his sole.]
[off] They're done! Nobody touch.
I think she's making brownies.
Wesley
Oh, is that what I smell. I thought I tracked something in.
[enters] The recipe was handed down to me from my mother, who got it from her housekeeper, plus I improvised a little. You're gonna love 'em!
Wesley
Me?!
Wesley
Doesn't Angel have to... get to... try any?
They're brownies full of nutty goodness, not red blood cells.
Wesley
Oh. I wasn't thinking. More of a drinker than an eater, I suppose.
[having difficulty cutting] Maybe if you'd branch out into the solids he'd keep a decent knife around. [starts to hack in pan with special enchanted Keck knife]
Wesley
[shooting to feet] That is not appropriate! It's for killing extinct demons! Angel, make her stop!!
Wesley
That blade is very old! Who knows what kind of corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?
[brandishing knife] 'Corrosive effect'?
Cordelia, just.. put down the very sharp knife...
Wesley
Well, they don't smell right.
I think Mr. Too-Much-Cologne is the pot calling the kettle stinky.
[Angel and Wesley track a vicious Ethros demon deep into dark basalt sea caves.]
Wesley
Angel, before we go any further, I, I just want to assure you, in as much as we'll be fighting side by side... What that demon said before...
I know you're not planning to kill me, Wesley. But you're willing to. And that's good! Now, come on.
[Cordelia checks a lead on an on-line demon database.]
There are some ugly critters in here. Someone ought to create an intra-demon dating base. You know, like archfiend.org, where the lonely and the slimy connect. I was just joking, Mister Grouchy-Pants. When was the last time you had a dating base?
Wesley
For your information, I lead a rich and varied social life.
Oh, I know. Every night it's Jeopardy, followed by Wheel of Fortune and a cup of hot cocoa. Look out, girls, this one can't be tamed!
[The episode starts from a black screen.]
Wesley
We're doomed.
Maybe we can make a break for it.
Wesley
Impossible.
Wesley
We'd be spotted instantly.
Wesley
Blocked.
That's it, then. We're trapped.
Wesley
We could try shouting fire... [seats in a theater are shown] It's not technically a crowded theater.
[performing Henrik Ibsen's "A Doll's House" on stage] 'One day, I might, yes. Many years from now, when I've lost my looks a little. Do not laugh.'
Wesley
[checks his watch] Only another hour.
'I mean of course, a time will come when Torvald is not... is not...' ..Line??
PPrompter
[whispers] 'is not as devoted to me'.
Wesley
Perhaps two.
PPrompter
[whispers] 'is not as devoted to me'.
'is not as devoted to me.' [adds dramatic sob]
And I thought I knew Eternity.
[The Angel Investigations team is at the home of a wealthy new client.]
Oh, I've missed that smell!
Wesley
Camembert, I believe.
What? No, money. I like to smell a little money once in a while.
She's not just saying that. Hide some in the office sometime and watch her. It's uncanny.
No, I just love ol' meat lockers.
Wesley
You should've tried to call us on your cell phone. You probably forgot you had it.
These things hardly ever work. Besides, it was a lot easier and quicker to just ... Look I'm the boss here, I ... say when we're gonna use the cell phones and ... people are gonna die here and I ... have to go.
Angel · 793 quotes
