Sally Solomon quotes from 3rd Rock from the Sun

Sally

Don! Where's Tommy?

Officer Don

Oh, you're too late.

Sally

You killed Tommy?!

Officer Don

No, I let him go!

Sally

You let Tommy go to his death?

Tommy

Hey, Harry.

Dick

I want to make a good impression on Mary's parents.

Sally

Mary Albright‘s parents?

Tommy

They're still alive?:

Sally

My God, they must be so old!

Sally

What's that?

Dick

It's called the 'Shatner.'

Sally

You hungry? Oh, I know you--you wouldn't say anything if you were.

Sally

You're so nice. You're not at all arrogant or demanding like most people I know.

Tommy

You must be bored out of your mind.

Sally

Actually, I'm not.

Tommy

I was talking to the plant.

Sally

Don't listen to him, he's just a kid.

Oh, don't worry. I used to be a kid myself... a long time ago. [laughs] Say there, sport, you like girls?

Tommy

Yeah. Sorry.

Sally

It says here the average American uses 4.1 pounds of butter a year.

Tommy

Orally?

Sally

I can't believe it! You can cook!

Harry

You

Tommy

No, no, I can't cook! I swear!

Dick

Well, then how do you explain this? (indicates oregano and rosemary on the table)

Tommy

This, uh...is marijuana!

Dick

This whole time we've been eating her slop, and you're a damn gourmet!!

Tommy

No, no, it's pot! I swear! I smoke it with my friends. I like to... toke up on the..fat daddies...uh...dude...

Sally

Ugh, I blame myself. How could I have missed all the signs? I mean, just last month I was doing laundry and I found a measuring spoon in his pants.

Dick

I was as blind as you, Sally. At the mall, he said he was going to the comic book store, but I saw him coming out of the Williams and Sonoma!

Harry

(picks up vial of white powder) Oh, Tommy! (opens, tastes what's inside) it's confectioner's sugar!

Dick

Confectioner's sugar? So you've been baking, too?! (hugs Sally) Look what your selfishness has done to Sally! Get out of my sight!

Tommy

(starts to leave)

Dick

Oh, but first, make me a spinach and fennel frittata.

Sally

(nods) Yeah, me too.

Tommy

I gotta say I feel liberated,not having to sneak around all the time,its just so nice being able to wear my apron out in the open[Audience laugh]

Harry

why breakfast was great I've never had a spinach frittttttaaaaaa.

Harry

IIIIIIIncoming message from the big giant head!!

Sally

ooooooh my god Dick get in here!!

Dick

[Running through from the living room]:What is it!?

Harry

Our records indicate that your status report is 22 days late,please submit your finished report to the big giant head's personal assistant,big giant jenny![audience laughs]

Sally

I hate that bitch![audience laugh again]

Harry

Tramission ending in 3..2..1[Harry sneezes]:oooh whats going on!?

Tommy

Dick didnt finish the status report!

Dick

Sally, you seein' Don today?

Sally

Seein' him? I'm losing my virginity to him!

You know, I can come back.

I'm waiting to get into the K-9 unit.

Sally

Aw, what's the hold up?

Officer Don

Well, our- our dog ran away. But we're putting up fliers.

Dick

Line 14, "other gains or losses."

Tommy

I gained two pounds.

Sally

I lost my virginity.

Dick

Hey, be thankful I wasn't killed!

Sally

Yeah, because then we'd have to hitch a ride to your funeral, BECAUSE YOU WRECKED OUR FREAKIN' CAR!

Harry

Sally, I'm starving. What's for dinner?

Sally

Oh, I made you some hamburgers--they're down at the hamburger place. All you have to do is go there, order them, and pay for them.

Dick

I'm sorry, there is simply no room in the budget for raises. But I can go you one better: promotions! Sally, you are now Senior Security Officer.

Sally

That'll look good on the ol' résumé!

Dick

Tommy, you are now Senior Information Officer.

Tommy

It's about time!

Harry

What about me?

Dick

Harry, you are now... Harold.

Harry

Champagne for everyone!