30 Rock quotes

Liz

My fanny pack is in my office in my mini-fridge. I like my tampons to be cold.

Jack

New York gives us a tax break for employing sex offenders. It's a terrible program.

Mr. Donaghy! What are you doing here?

Jack

I could ask you the same thing! But it would make no sense.

The ocean is for tools.

Jack

The ocean is awesome and for winners. You're for tools!

Jack

They'll say "Jack Donaghy was the greatest oceanographer who ever lived. And we walruses owe Him everything for giving us the gift of language."

You know what sucked about my last lesbian orgy? Right in the middle of it one of us had to get up to go use the bathroom and then we all had to go! [laughs]

Liz

Okay there's something that everyone here needs to see. Abby, you might want to sit down for this.

Yeah, come sit on my struikgewas

Liz

A chair! Come on, Sue. Abby, this is for your own good. Open Apple. Tough love time.

[internet video on laptop] Has anyone ever actually had a good time at brunch? You know-

Pete

Is that you?

I don't know where you found that, but I am taking it DOWN. [laughs] That's what she said!

Liz

Okay, first of all Steve Carell owns "that's what she said." He owns it. And second of all, it's time to stop hiding. A young person helped me online-post this on JoanOfSnark.com. [shows Abby site with article headline "Abby Flynn Before She Was Abby Flynn" and a video of Abby Grossman]

[in real voice] You stupid meddling bitch!

Liz

Yes! There's your real voice! There's Abby Grossman! To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, [in crazy old woman voice] "We are all-"

Do you understand what you've done? You have signed my death warrant.

Liz

How's that now?

My ex-husband is going to see this, he's going to find out where I am and he's going to try to run me over with his car again! I changed my appearance to get away from him!

Liz

Oh, cuz I thought it was like... pressure from society.

You're right Liz, I was hiding: From a man who went insane after being electrocuted while watching Sleeping With the Enemy.

Jenna

I was cut out of that.

Yeah, I was desperate for male attention because I feel safer having men around in case Troy comes back. That is why I slept with Lutz.

And I shall protect her.

Is there an Abby Flynn here?

That her, Troy! I'm on your side! Get her!

Pete

Jeez, Lutz, it's the UPS guy. [Lutz pees himself]

Liz

Okay I think we all owe Abby an apology.

Oh my God. It's from him. "I thought this box would be the perfect size for your head. P.S. I was electrocuted again while watching Seven". Great, I have six hours to start a new life. I'll have to be a redhead this time.

Liz

I don't know... your coloring. You know what, don't listen to me.

You must really hate women, Liz. Liz Lemon is a Judas to all women-kind! [Jenna gives Liz double thumbs up]

Liz

Okay. We were on page six, where Wonder Woman gets her period.

Jenna

Am I trying to instigate fights by throwing wine at people just to get on camera, and maybe also promote my new lifestyle website, Jennas-Side.com? Of course not. I mean, is wine-throwing something that even gets you on a reality show?

Angie

D'Fwan, glue in the business weave.

Angie

As you know, my single, "My Single Is Dropping," is dropping.

Jack

I only pass gas once a year, for an hour, atop a mountain in Switzerland.

Jack

There is nothing gay about the Princeton fight song. "Oh, the men of Princeton are charging up the rear, holding all the balls..." Okay, I hear it now.

Pete

Last time I taught, I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society--by which I mean I got fired.

Jenna

Listen up, Fives. A Ten is speaking.

Jack

Congratulations. According to the transitive property, you just defeated Muammar Qaddafi in arm wrestling.

This would have really bothered me in my 20's.