You're Liz Lemon, damn it. In certain lights, you're an 8! Using East Coast, over-35 standards, excluding Miami.
S5 E5Reaganing
You have more sexual hangups than an adult chat line run by Gilbert Gottfried?
What?
That was written by a computer program we're working on to replace you.
S5 E6Gentleman's Intermission
Certainly you can't be surprised that there's a lot of negative stuff about you out there. Don't you ever Google yourself?
Sure, I google myself all the time, like when Angie's not in the mood or I'm alone in a hotel.
What do you mean I don't have an obituary? I'm Jenna Maroney. I played Arts & Literature in the film adaptation of Trivial Pursuit.
EErica
I know who you are, Miss Maroney, but you're not on the list. They only make obits for people they think are, you know, important.
[grabs list and reads] Like who? "Kim Jong-il?" I've never heard of her.
DLDick Lemon
Hey, Liz. It's your father, Dick Lemon.
Dad, you don't have to say your name every time.
DLDick Lemon
Telephone etiquette is important, Liz. It lets people know your race even when they can't see you.
S5 E7Brooklyn Without Limits
Sometimes you have to do the right thing even when the wrong thing would be a whole lot easier, die Werewolf Zombie, die.
What's going on today? Has everyone lost their moral compass?
You're being awfully high and mighty for someone who once claimed her husband drowned so she could get out of a gym contract.
She's courting the youth vote. That means she's desperate.
JJonathan
My generation never votes. It interferes with talking about ourselves all the time.
Well, you were right about Brooklyn Without Limits: crunchy on the outside, right wing nutjob on the inside.
Like Ann Coulter's underwear.
Good God. Lemon, those jeans make you look like a Mexican sports reporter.
[My jeans] are from Brooklyn Without Limits, this very cool store with locations in Gaytown, White Harlem, and the Van Beardswick section of Brooklyn.
You don't know what you're talking about, these jeans are hand-made in USA.
You're mispronouncing that, they're Hānd made in Usa. The Hānd are a Vietnamese slave race and Usa is their island prison. Want to know how they get the stitching so small? Orphans.
S5 E8College
Usually everyone around here makes me feel like Hitler, but today I feel like... Hitler in Germany.
Pete and I are having a little college night.
Oh yeah you want to see me shotgun this?
[Liz begins shoving an entire pizza into her mouth]
Oh God! She means the pizza!
She's unhinging her jaw!
This is why I hated my first two weeks at the Royal Tampa Academy of Dramatic Tricks: No one knew who was the sluttiest. But I showed them. Oh, I showed them all.
Come on, my card only has a 1 in 52 chance of getting picked anyway.
How did you know that? You're like Rain Man. Quick, how many toothpicks are on the ground?
Zero.
We need to go to Vegas.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's 30 Rock pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.