Renfield quotes from Young Dracula

I need your help.

Renfield

(working on a potion) I'm at a critical point.

I need you to dress up as a woman and pretend to be Mum.

(Pause)

Renfield

Nothing that can't wait.

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(During dinner.)

Renfield

It's the Master's favourite.

And by "Master", you mean...

(She gestures repeatedly between Vlad and the Count with her fork, deliberately trying to make things awkward)

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(Renfield is dressed as a ballerina with the intention of impressing Ramanga)

Renfield

I could wow him with my Nutcracker suite!

That is disturbing on so many levels.

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(Discussing what to do about Vlad's disappearance after Ramanga's arrival)

Renfield

I could dress up as Vlad!

Count Dracula

That is the worst idea I've heard in 400 years.

Renfield

We could make a life-sized puppet of Vlad!

Count Dracula

That is the worst idea I've heard in 600 years. (Pause) It just might work.

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(Zoltan has a twisted neck after an injury.)

ZZoltan

How could Vlad do this to me?

Renfield

You and stairs make him laugh.

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(During the chaos Vlad is causing.)

Renfield

It's the Master, he's in a terrible mood.

Dad did all this?

Renfield

No, not your...

[He stops, catching himself.]

Not my what, Renfield?

[Awkward pause.]

Say it, you servile wart!

Renfield

N-not your father, Miss.

If not Dad then there must be another Master, who?

Renfield

Vl...

Vl...?

Renfield

aaa...

aaa...?

Renfield

d...

Spells?

Renfield

(inaudibly) Vlad.

He's been evil for one day and you're already calling him the Master?!

Renfield

Please don't tell the Count.

It's not the Count you have to worry about... it's me!

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(When introducing Renfield to her gang of vampires.)

What d'you think?

Renfield

(grins) Do I get a uniform?

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WWolfie

You're weird.

Renfield

You're half-vampire and half-werewolf. Now stop with the name-calling!

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(While serving blood at the Garside Blood Bank.)

Renfield

B Positive with a splash of cranberry!

Renfield, this is a blood-bank, not a café!

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(Holding guns at the feral vampires.)

EErin

They're loaded with concentrated garlic juice.

Renfield

Go ahead, punk! Make my day!

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(Bertrand is teaching the feral vampires to control their bloodlust.)

Imagine that Renfield is a bulb of garlic. Don't see a Breather. See a bulb of garlic.

(The feral vampires back away, looking disgusted.)

It's working.

Renfield

You mean, you didn't know it would?!

Well... it was fifty-fifty.

Renfield

Fifty-fifty?!

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I'm not leaving Erin like this.

Like what?

Renfield

She's hovering between life and death.

Oh. I thought she seemed duller than usual.

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This is insanity!

Renfield

Oooh, thank you very much.

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What would you like, Vladdy?

Renfield

Roast neck of a Breather? Crispy fingers with a puss dip to start...

Pizza?

Renfield

Pizza.

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(Speaking to Renfield from the other side of the door.)

Renfield, it's me! Your Lord and Master! You must find a key!

Renfield

You're feeling achy?

A key! A key! Imbecile. We're locked in here!

Renfield

You're eating lettuce and a beer? Well, no wonder you're feeling achy. I'll let you sleep it off.