Count Dracula quotes from Young Dracula

We're going to destroy the High Council, kill the other vampire clans, divide their territories between us...

Count

... and rule the world, I suppose. Yes, yes, how very original. Yawn, yawn, yawn.

Count

He seems... urgh... madder than I remember him.

Ingrid

Dabbling in necromancy can do that.

(Tapping his fangs) Titanium gold. Designer!

Ingrid

Vulgar and fake. They suit you perfectly.

Count

Yes.

Renfield

But I so want to be a vampire, Master. And with all this bother going on, if you were to bite me now I might be able to help, and you were gonna bite me in thirteen leap years time anyway.

Count

(Laughs) Oh, Renfield, Renfield! Is there no limit to the depths of your stupidity? A leap year is made up of four normal years. So thirteen leap years is actually forty! No... sixty! No, that's not right either.

Ingrid

Fifty-two, idiot.

Count

Fifty-two years away and by then, you'll be far too frail and dribbly to bother with.

Renfield

(Sadly) I see. Fooled again.

Count

Well, it's not really that difficult.

Count

Very well. Do that computery thing and... and I'll bite you, you snivelling slug!

Renfield

Oh, no. You're not tricking me again. Bite me first, then I'll give you the code. Two minutes.

Count

You doubt my word?

Renfield

Course I do. Coz you're a big fat liar! Two! Minutes!

Count

Fat?! I'm the same size now as I was back in 1680!

Count

I've created the world's worst vampire.

Renfield

Well, maybe you could give me a few tips.

Count

Yes, yes. Get used to being hungry.

Count

This is one of the seven wonders of the underworld.

Vlad

A clean pair of Renfield's pants?

Count

Sally, Sally! Bring it in! Bring it in! There's a hug here with your name on it!

Sally

I'd rather not. Just in case there's a neck here with your teeth on it.

Count

Did you know that birds eat the weakest chick so that only the strongest survive?

Vlad

Did you know that worker bees kill their queen when she gets too old?

Vlad

Please, listen to me. As long as you know me, you will never be safe. As the Chosen One, there will always be vampires who will try to use you to get to me. But if I wipe your memories, you and George... you'll never even know I existed.

Sally

But I lost you for 18 years. I can't lose you forever.

Vlad

What if George gets bitten? Is that a risk you're willing to take?

Sally

And I really won't remember anything? About you?

Vlad

(offering the yin half of his yin yang necklace) Here. Take this. One half each. Wherever we are in the world, we will always be connected.

Sally

Promise me, you will always remember who we are, and that we love you, now and always.

Count

Vlad... knew he... wouldn't be able to do this, so uh...

Sally

It's been a long time since we were standing this close.

Count

Sally, I... I've made a lot of mistakes in my time. You were never one of them. And I'm sorry... I adopted our son and I didn't tell you.

Sally

You were protecting him. Tell me you will never stop doing that.

Count

He's a man now. With his powers, it'll be me that needs his protection.

Sally

I'm going to miss you. (she kisses him) You silly old fool.

Count

Not so much of a fool...

Count

You know, I can't believe I've sold this dump.

Ingrid

I can't believe you're going to Australia.

Count

I've been given a "Get Out of Jail Free" card and I intend to use it, and where better to start than dining on the descendants of our convict cousins?

Renfield

(with an Australian accent) Put another bed on the barbie, gobber! That's Australian-ese!

Count

Please tell me you packed that box.

Vlad

We're taking it to the Himalayas. There's not much oxygen at that altitude. (to Ingrid) You can come with us, if you'd like.

Ingrid

No thanks. I've gotten back my place on the High Council, so I'm off to the old country. I can't wait to bite my first peasant.

(enters the room) Or, you could stay here with me.

Count

You might want to redecorate first, it's a little uh... post-apocalyptic.

Ingrid

You're the new owner?

We are. Made quite a bit of money off that incredibly authentic vampire game, thanks to you.

Ingrid

What?

You own 50%.

Ingrid

(touched) It's what I've always wanted! (hugs Piers) Thank you... a throne of my own.

Vlad

Well, we'd better get moving. Look after yourself, Dad.

Count

Don't I always? Vlad, Vlad, come here.

Count

You know I, uh... I used to be embarrassed to call you my son. But now I'm ashamed I ever doubted you. Vladimir Dracula, you have made a very, very old vampire very, very proud.