“Smoking” quotes from You Can't Do That on Television

So there it is, kids. The proof is evident, it's beyond question that a certain substance in tobacco smoke causes mice to develop cancer. Now what does this suggest?

Oh! Sir!

Schenk?

We should encourage mice to smoke, sir.

Hey Moose, we Indians gave the white man tobacco and taught him how to smoke.

Well I'm sure your ancestors meant well, Jami, but from what we know now about smoking, I don't think it was such a good idea.

Meant well? You gotta be kidding! We wanted all the white men to die of lung cancer.

Thanks.

No sweat. [grabs Christine around the neck and starts to strangle her]

When my dad tried to give up smoking, he offered me a dollar every time I caught him with a cigarette. I've never been so rich in my life.

Jami! Are you smoking?

No sir, I'm Burning.

Oh! Oh! Oh! [grabs pail of water and dumps it over Jami's head; throws the rest of it on Kevin, who is sitting behind Jami]

I'm JAMI Burning! That's my name, stupid!

"The Atomic Blast Levels Fantasy Island" will not be seen today in order that we may bring you the following pro-- (breaks into a coughing fit)

I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse.

So you want to eat horse eh, Burna? You've come to the right place.

[Appearing behind the kitchen] Duuuuhhhh, I heard that.