You Can't Do That on Television quotes

(angry) All right CLASS!! I figured out who wrote that on the blackboard! You didn't think I could did you? Well I did. Amy, you have an awful lot of nerve for a little girl. What you wrote was rude, vulgar and unacceptable! You will come up here and erase that from the blackboard! (Brings Amy to the blackboard to erase a giant "THAT") And another thing young lady, you will have a six month detention!

Carlos, what's going on?

Someone just told the teacher that "that" is a four letter word.

Carlos, did I hear you using a four letter word?!

Nope. Nope. N-O-P-E. Nope.

(filming the pots and pans on the stove, which are boiling over, with a video camera) And... Cue!

(enters the kitchen, sees the pots and pans boiling over, and shrieks) My dinner party... ruined! Jennifer, how could you?!

How could I what?

You said you would watch the pots and pans!

Well, yes, I was watching them. Better than that, I was videotaping them!

Then WHY didn't you turn them OFF?

Well, you said to watch the pots and pans. You said nothing about turning them off when they started to boil over. Say what you mean, Mom.

(in bed) Mom, Dad, can I have a glass of water?

(enters bedroom carrying water glass) You know, Amy, you're a big girl, you could be doing this your-... AMY! You wet the bed again! You're supposed to be a big girl, young lady! I'm going to have to put you back into diapers!

But Mom, it wasn't me, it...

Now, Amy, don't lie to me. If you didn't wet this bed, who did?

Well... I don't know...

Now look what you've done, young lady. (holds out water glass to Amy) Drink?

[After outsmarting one of the adult characters] Sometimes it's so easy, I'm ashamed of myself. [On occasion, the adult characters would also use this phrase after outsmarting the children.]

What/Who do you think's in the burgers?

That's one sneeeeeky keed!

[During the firing squad sketches] Ready, aim...

Wait a minute, wait a minute, stop the execution!

What is it this time?!

I know!

...just the Introduction to the Opposites!