Xena: Warrior Princess quotes

Xena

Leave us.

Joxer

[as a Roman centurion] But Caesar said...

Xena

...to enrage the Empress until she beats the tar out of you?

Joxer

I must have missed that one.

Xena

You brought the world back to us.

Gabrielle

I'm glad. I like this one better.

Xena

Even though you're not a famous playwright?

Gabrielle

Fame, who needs it?

Gabrielle

Did you really like my play?

Xena

It was alright. Maybe it could have done with a few more fight scenes.

Gabrielle

Everyone's a critic.

Xena

"What is that?" … [pulls a telescope out of Argo's bag and proceeds to look through it the wrong way]

Gabrielle

"Xena, give me that … huh, I don't see anything." … [pulls the telescope away to reveal a dark ring around her eye]

Xena

"My mistake."

Xena, the warrior pain in my ass!

Xena

Aphrodite, meet Genia … a virgin.

I don't believe it.

Aphrodite

I don't either! I thought you guys were extinct!

Aphrodite

For future reference, I'm now Mighty Aphrodite.

Gabrielle

You know, how did you fall for my fish guts gag?

Xena

I don't know.

Gabrielle

You knew that I would go crazy waiting for you to get even. Xena, didn't see it coming. [tries to take a drink out of a cup, which promptly spills all over her]

Xena

Nor that. Now, we're even.

Xena

"Here, give me that (taking the cup away from Gabrielle). I want you to close your eyes."

Gabrielle

"No."

Xena

"Trust me, please."

Gabrielle

"No."

Xena

"Close your eyes."(places a scroll in Gabrielle's lap)

Gabrielle

"What is this?"

Xena

"Open it. I had Sappho jot something down for you."

Gabrielle

"A poem? Sappho wrote a poem for me. I don't believe it. Xena, you had this planned all along, didn't you? (Gabrielle reads the poem) ... There's a moment when I look at you And no speech is left in me My tongue breaks Then fire races under my skin and I tremble And grow pale for I am dying of such love Or so it seems to me.'"

Gabrielle

"It's beautiful. This is the best birthday present I have ever had."

Xena

'Course, it ain't over yet. [puts the helmet on and the girls fly off into the sunset together] Happy birthday, Gabrielle!

Hey, how did you get over the horror of finding out you were that bumbling idiot, Joxer?

Hey, Joxer was no fool. The guy they got to play him was a goofball, that's all. He was the producer's brother, for crying out loud.

At least you got to hang out with Xena and Gabby in a past life. We can't lay claims to anything that cool.

Speaking of the Warrior Princess and the Bard, what happened when your boyfriend, Harry, found out he was Xena in a past life?

And then your past lives counselor was none other than his beloved sidekick, Gabrielle.

[looking sick] They got hitched.

Decent. Xena and Gabby finally a couple.

Wait till we tell the rest of the fans.

Nice driving, dear. Oh, that was the most fabulous vacation since our honeymoon, and I thought that nothing could top that. Wasn't it fascinating how being back in Greece brought back our lives as Xena and Gabrielle?

Yeah, except I shouldn't have had those last two goat cheese milkshakes.

Is my little Warrior Princess' tummy still bothering him?

Did you schedule any celebrity appearances?

No, we contacted Bruce Campbell, but he was too much money.

Ares

Stay right there [tries to zap Xena/Annie, who holds out the contract, which is incinerated] Un-freakin' believable!

Ares made it, Ares destroyed it. I guess this means you ain't got no soul.

Xena

I mean, Gabrielle, what are we gonna do? Wander around Greece our whole lives looking for trouble? Why don't we go away? Far away? What do ya say?

Gabrielle

I can't believe you're awake, much less listening to me.

Xena

Let's go south to the land of the Pharaohs. I hear they're in need of a girl with a chakram.