Joxer quotes from Xena: Warrior Princess

Joxer

The woman I love is working here...On the other hand, I am just one small business transaction away from pressing my lips against her. What am I saying?

Joxer

I can make her forget. I'm a very forgettable person.

Joxer

Mmm, Attus not afraid. Attus King of Jungle. (arrow lands in tree between Joxer's legs) Attus renounce throne.

Joxer

(Counting sheep) One, two, three, fo...(falls asleep)

Joxer

Why is everybody telling me to think? I think, I just don't show it.

Xena

Find a way to make him presentable, and then we'll leave.

Joxer

Wait a minute. What did she mean, make you presentable?

She doesn't want me to look like you

Joxer

Wait wait wait...How am I supposed to know who the real Diana is?

Xena

Well if you come across a woman and she looks exactly like me and she displays any interest in you whatsoever as a man, that's the bad one.

Joxer

She is bad! Real bad...

Gabrielle

What's wrong with you?

Xena

Nothing that a good workout won't cure.

Joxer

Hey ... uh ... try the lake. A cold swim usually helps ... so I've been told.

Joxer

Rise and shine everyone, rise and shine.

Gabrielle

I'll rise, but I refuse to shine.

Xena

It's not the Fates, it's not Ares, it's not something I ate, no, I have no poison dart marks, I have no Bacchae bites!

Joxer

Is that a hickey?

Xena

Gabrielle, did you know that Joxer simply adores you?

Joxer

Could I speak to you privately?

Xena

He would crawl 50 miles on broken glass just to sweat in your shadow.

Joxer

Ixnay on the ovelay alktay!

Joxer

I've seen evil! I've changed my ways!

Brother, if you saw evil, you'd have to change your pants.

She is on her journey, Joxer. That Gabrielle is just an empty shell with no realization of her past.

Joxer

How'd you know my name?

I have your memories ... ow.

Joxer

Hey, aren't you forgetting about me?

Xena

No, Joxer, not even Mnemosyne could help her with that.

Joxer

Ah Ah. I Attus, King of Trout and Ruler of its people. I set you free ... huh? ... ha ha ha ha ha ... you tell good joke, Trout Brother. But now I must have tribute. Go. Swim. Be free. Go. Go.

Xena

Now you listen to me, Monkey Man! You ever do that again and you will find my fist down your throat.