Xena quotes from Xena: Warrior Princess

Ooh, I nicked you.

Xena

Where'd you get that -- shaving? (motions to a cut on his face)

No one ever drew my blood before.

Xena

There's plenty more where that came from.

Gabrielle

Xena, there was nothing you could do. He was evil.

Xena

No, he was damaged, he wasn't evil.

Xena

Hey! [swats a pesky make-up girl away]

Gabrielle

[having a microphone hooked to her top] Hey, watch where you put your hands!

Xena

Yeah, you watch where you put your hands, buddy.

Wait! Hold it! [to camera] And now, ladies and gentlemen, a world exclusive -- for the first time anywhere, Xena and Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship. Gabrielle, Xena, are you two lovers?

Xena

You want the truth?

That's right, Xena, we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth.

Xena

It's like this, technically... [the camera begins to fade in and out and then finally the screen has only two words on it: STAND BY]

What?! It's dead?! The battery! This is the world's greatest story and you're telling me the battery is dead?! I don't believe this! Oh, man!

Ares

(voice only) Xena, tell me, have you heard the story of the scorpion and the swan?

Xena

You haven't even got the guts to face me.

Ares

See, the scorpion needs to get across the river, and he asks the swan for a ride. And the swan figures it's not much of a risk. The scorpion wouldn't sting the creature who's carrying him over the raging river.

Xena

My daughter's about to die because of you, and you're feeding me fairy tales?

Ares

(appears behind Xena) Bear with me, it's worth the wait. So, about halfway across, the scorpion stings the swan, and as they're both being swept to their death, the swan asks the scorpion, "I was helping you. Why did you sting me?" And the scorpion answers...

Xena

"It's what I do."

Ares

Yeah, it's what I do.

Ares

Hey, can I help it if I've played this like the malevolent genius I am? Remember what the scorpion said.

Xena

Ares, the scorpion drowned.

Ares

You had this planned all along. You are so good.

Xena

It's what I do.

Ares

And I wouldn't have it any other way.

Varia

You were ready to let me kill you just so that I could see I was headed down the wrong path.

Xena

I knew the truth was inside you. You just needed the chance to decide what was right.

Mac

So, what do you guys think of the show?

Xena

I like the one who plays me. She's kinda sexy.

Gabrielle

What about this writing, Xena? I mean, it's not exactly Euripides. They've taken liberties with my scrolls.

Xena

Yeah, and what are they trying to say about our relationship, anyway?

Gabrielle

Who knows.

Mac

Xena, um...you know...uh...you and Ares...uh...did you...um...ever...you know...well...

Xena

Get a life, pervert.

Xena

I will kill you, Belach.

I'm prepared to die for my child.

Xena

Your father was the same.

When was my father ever willing--

Xena

For our baby! Your brother. You spent your life trying to be the opposite to your father, but what you don't know is that when he grew away from me, he grew into a better man.

Xena

Borias died trying to change what he'd become. That was the real story of your father. How will your story end, Belach?

Xena

In the third act, you had your hero throw himself over the cliff with no fear of dying. All for her. Do you really believe that kind of love exists?

Gabrielle

That's what we all dream about, isn't it? Someone who looks so deeply into our soul that they'd find something worth dying for.

Xena

Leave us.

Joxer

[as a Roman centurion] But Caesar said...

Xena

...to enrage the Empress until she beats the tar out of you?

Joxer

I must have missed that one.

Xena

You brought the world back to us.

Gabrielle

I'm glad. I like this one better.

Xena

Even though you're not a famous playwright?

Gabrielle

Fame, who needs it?

Gabrielle

Did you really like my play?

Xena

It was alright. Maybe it could have done with a few more fight scenes.

Gabrielle

Everyone's a critic.