Meg quotes from Xena: Warrior Princess

The name's Xena; that's Xena with a capital Z.

Hold it right there. In the blink of an eye I can split the skull of anyone who moves with my trusty...shamrock!

(Holding a replica of the chakram) I have a shamrock and I know how to use it.

You see those? They're stars. When I was a little girl, I used to think that all those little lights came from houses in the sky and each one of those houses had a happy family around a cozy fire, and the lights came from all the open windows. And I used to think that at every window there was a little girl just like me looking out at the other lights, and I wondered what it would be like to be one of them. Well, one day we're gonna be one of those little lights. That's a promise.

Let me remind you of reality, Meg. You're a filthy tramp that I fished out of the gutter because you look like Xena and Diana. You're useful to me only if you're a convincing thespian.

You never said nothing about no kinky stuff. Besides, I pulled it off so far today.

Autolycus

Xena? Ha ha ha! Hey, small world, huh? You have business here? Everything seems to be closed. Say, how'd you like to grab a bite to eat? I know this great little place, you'd ... C'mon, Xena, it's just a lousy little ruby. It's not even worth talking about. They won't even know that it's gone.

Look! The ruby! It's gone!

Autolycus

Oh, alright ... (throws the ruby over the wall)

The ruby! It's back!

Autolycus

I gave it back. You happy now?

What are ya? Stupid or something? That thing was worth a fortune!

You'd be surprised what a young, nubile guard will scream out when he's about to ...

Joxer

... meet his maker.

Joxer

Look, Joxer the Mighty brings Xena Warrior Princess and Autolycus the King of Thieves ...

... a.k.a. Mr. Stinky ...

Joxer

... in chains.

Autolycus

In chains?

Joxer

Look look look, let me explain it to you. They're grateful. They make me a lord of the realm and ruler of the treasury. ‘More wine, m'lord?' No no. Ha ha! See? I sneak into the treasury, take the key from one of the guards, say something like, ‘What's that over there?!' You know? Then I free you two and we walk off rich into the sunset. What do ya think?

Autolycus

I think it's inbreeding.