Ladies, before you begin, there's something I need to say. Now, I've taken a heart, the fact that you feel overlooked and underutilized and I have to say there's been a major misunderstanding. See, you say that you've been underutilized. Well, I say that you're plain useless. I mean, what purpose do you serve? Wrestling in your lingerie? Nobody wants to see that! What was I thinking? So, ladies, I'm gonna spare you the indignity of wrestling in your underwear or begging for your jobs because, as of now, you no longer have jobs. Ladies, the four of you... ARE FIRED!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Ladies and gentlemen, Billy Kidman. [Billy Kidman's music hits and Billy Kidman comes out]
Well there's one half of the former WWE Tag Team Champions, Billy Kidman. Let's take you back three weeks ago here on SmackDown!, [footage from the August 26 SmackDown! is shown where Kidman gave Chavo Guerrero a concussion from a Shooting Star Press] when Billy Kidman did the Shooting Star Press on Chavo Guerrero, and watch the knee into the side of the temple of Chavo Guerrero, and putting Chavo out of action and putting him in the hospital. And again that was from three weeks ago, [footage from the previous week's SmackDown! is shown, featuring Kidman and Paul London defending the WWE Tag Team Championship against Kenzo Suzuki and Rene Dupree] but then this past, this last Thursday, last week, going for the Shooting Star Press again, and this match was defending the tag team titles, and Kenzo Suzuki's there and Chavo, just like a deer in the headlights, just couldn't do it. Just couldn't do it, got down off the ropes. Couldn't hit the Shooting Star Press. And what happened after that is history. Paul London, his partner, Kidman's partner left alone to defend the WWE Tag Team Champions against Kenzo Suzuki as Billy Kidman proves he was a straight up quitter. New tag team champions, Suzuki and Dupree.
Billy, last week, I'm sure you heard the boos, when you walked out of your uh, your tag team title matchup. [crowd boos] Billy not only did you turn your back on your longtime friend and your partner Paul London, but you also walked out on the tag team championship. And Billy let's face it. I mean, let's face it. You quit, didn't you?
BKBilly Kidman
First of all Cole, I'm not a quitter. And I resent you calling me one. Second of all, I didn't walk out on anyone. I was trying to prevent another injury.
So you're referring to the Shooting Star Press?
KKidman
Yeah Cole, I am. And let me take this opportunity to explain that I'm the most misunderstood superstar on SmackDown!. Why can't you people understand that I'm not afraid to do the Shooting Star Press? I'm afraid of hurting people. And I hurt Chavo Guerrero. I stood on the top of that turnbuckle, jumped as high as I can, and I came down, full force, right on Chavo's face. I drove his head right into the mat. It is because of me that Chavo suffered a severe concussion. But by the grace of God, Chavo will be okay, and he'll still be able to provide for his family. Yet, I'm the quitter? I'm the bad guy for not wanting to do that to another human being? Do you people really want to see me do the Shooting Star Press? [crowd cheers] You really want to see me hit that move? [crowd cheers] Are you people that bloodthirsty that you want to see someone else get hurt like that? [crowd cheers] What kind of animals are you? [Paul London is in the ring]
PLPaul London
Misunderstood? I know I sure as hell don't have any idea where you're coming from, Billy. I mean, if you weren't ready to compete last week, then why did you agree to defend the tag team championship? You'll come out here and do an interview for the whole world to hear, but you won't even talk to me! You walked out on me! It's because of you, we lost the tag titles. Now you can deny this all you want. But you quit! Now, what do you have to say?
KKidman
To you? Nothing. [London slaps Kidman]
Well, he deserved that, and more. And I think, I think they're gonna get it on and I don't blame London one bit. I wanna see this London and Kidman go here. [Kidman walks out of the ring]
In 1996, I promised to win an Olympic gold medal despite a broken neck. In 2000, I promised to win the WWE Championship in my first year of pro wrestling. And last week, I promised a SmackDown! moment, the likes of which has never been seen before. And just like every promise I've ever made in my life, I delivered. [clips from September 23 shown] You brought this on yourself, Show. At 7' tall, 500 pounds, you can throw most anyone off a balcony and get away with it, but I'm not just anybody. I'm Kurt Angle and you don't do what you did to Kurt Angle without there being some serious consequences. The second you threw me down to the ground, the second you threw me to the ground, and my legs snapped in two, I swore retribution. And last week, I got it. I humiliated you, Show. I knocked you out, I shaved your head, and as a bonus, I got a great photo to put on all my Christmas cards this year. Take a look. [picture showing Kurt Angle humiliating Big Show] I did what everyone here has dreamed about doing, I took the big bad bully who took out an entire roster and I humiliated him like he's never been humiliated before. And I look at this crowd, I see a lot of people here that seem like they were picked on in life. And to all of you that would like to take this time to express your admiration, please feel free to do so now. [audience boos] America's heartland, pure class. I don't expect you people to recognize greatness, but there are two people who do. Two men that I have personally selected to mold and groom into my image that will be standing in my corner at No Mercy when I end the Big Show once and for all, Luther Reigns and Mark Jindrak.
Excuse me gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, the reason I've called you all here tonight because I know you all have heard the rumors regarding John Cena. But I'm here to dispel those rumors and to set the record straight. John Cena will not be here tonight, and it's questionable when John Cena will return to action. Now, I wanted to respect John Cena's request in keeping this matter private, but since it has already been discussed several days ago on Raw without my knowledge, that I'm here to let you know everything that I know. Now last week after leaving SmackDown!, John Cena was involved in a melee at an after hours club. Now among other injuries, John Cena received several puncture wounds. Now one of the puncture wounds was to a vital organ.
Vital organ?
One of his kidneys. Now I talked to the doctors, and they have informed me that a tremendous amount of damage was done, but they're fighting hard, and they're fighting hard every day to save his kidney. So the difficult task that faces me now is I have to move SmackDown! forward. Oh and by the way, John Cena, I received a message from him letting me know that the show must go on. And the hardcore fact of the matter is, is that this situation leaves an open question? Who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship? [the roster starts demanding to be named the number one contender] Gentlemen. Gentlemen, ladies, here's what it's going to be tonight. Here's what it's going to be tonight. Tonight, we will have an open invitation battle royal to determine who will be the number one contender for the United States Championship. Now are there any questions? If not, thank you all for coming, and gentlemen, good luck out there tonight.
CCarlito
Excuse me Teddy. You know those hip hop guys like Cena? They're nothing but thugs. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen. That's not cool.
The champ is back! [crowd cheers] And we right here in Dayton, Ohio! And tonight, your boy's gonna win back the United States title. Carlito, Carlito, Carlito, Carlito. He thinks he's the man, he got a little swagger, he got the walk, the talk, he's very cool. Thinks he's man enough to steal my chain. Sneak away with the title that y'all know means everything to me. Oh and check this one out! This dude's man enough to see that I'm taken care of at a nightclub. Taking this away from me. So tonight, Carlito, we gonna see if you man enough to go face to face with the franchise and still handle your business. [crowd chants "Cena"] You see, Carlito's been ducking me. But not as nowhere else to go boy. I'm about to put a whippin' on the Pillsbury fro boy. Walking out here talking like he's cool, but y'all people don't believe it yet. How is Carlito cool? He looks like a freakin' Chia pet. Hey you know what? I'm not cool. Because John Cena's on fire! A word of advice tonight before we fight, you should retire. The way he walks, the way he talks, [spits] spitting out his fruit and vegetables, I kick you so hard, you'll be chokin' on your testicles! And bring Jesus out with you! He's no bodyguard, he's fillin' space! He's so soft, he lost a fist fight to the dude from Will & Grace! You embarrass me once, now it's time for the tides to switch. 'Cause everybody here knows payback is a bitch.
[The Cabinet has found JBL's limo with no wheels and on blocks. JBL fumes at the sight and they are all stunned to see Eddie Guerrero on the ring with one wheel]
JBL! JBL! Olare Holmes! I saw what just happened to your ride! That sucks man! Now I know you're probably back there thinking this is not my lucky day, but I got news for you Holmes,
JJBL
[overlap] That tire's mine, give it back!!!
GGuerrero
...your luck has changed for the better. I just happened to know someone here in Greenville, South Carolina, that could get you a great deal on a set of wheels, olare!
JJBL
You have stolen my property [to Orlando Jordan] and that is thievery. That's a felony!
OJOrlando Jordan
It's right! It's right!
AWAmy Weber
Who takes wheels?!?
GGuerrero
It's such a great deal, Holmes. Well, let me put it to you this way. You could even say, it's a real... steal.
JJordan
I cannot believe this, I cannot believe this.
JJBL
It's a felony!
GGuerrero
Now don't get upset Holmes, I know you're back there, I see you, you're back there crying, throwing a fit, really upset... But I got a little bit of advice: save those tears for Armageddon, the end of YOU, JBL!! 'Coz remember something, Holmes, you have something that belongs to me, Latino Heat and that's the WWE Championship. O Viva mi raza!
JJBL
[during Guerrero's last few words] This is mine, you will not get it from me!!!
The Bashams stole the damn titles!
Here are your winners and the new WWE Tag Team Champions, the Basham Brothers.
JBL's co-secretaries of defense are now the new WWE Tag Team Champions.
You gotta be kidding me!
Oh, it's a reality, Cole.
The guts that Rey Mysterio showed in this matchup, and he was a split-second away from winning the thing and the Bashams pulled a damn switcheroo.
Well, shades of last week, they pulled that switcharoonie last week on Van Dam, Doug and Danny, they just did it tonight, and tonight they capitalized big time by getting the tag team titles.
[replay shows]
And look at Rey Mysterio, a moment away in my mind from perhaps keeping the tag team titles.
There's the switch. That was the switch right there.
But the Bashams with the switch and then the sit-out powerbomb. New tag team champions but you gotta give it up for Rey Mysterio. His partner injured and dragged out of the arena. Mysterio still tried to hang on.
Rey did. I mean, hats off to Rey Mysterio. Hope Van Dam's physical condition of his knee is OK. Rey was caught between a rock and a hard place, but at the end of the day...
[JBL and the Cabinet come to celebrate the Basham Brothers tag team championship win]
Oh, please. I'm gonna be sick.
Chief of Staff, look at this. Big party down, new tag team champs in the Cabinet. Wow.
So, JBL has the WWE gold. The Bashams, the tag team gold. Just what the Cabinet needs: more gold around their waist. Now we're gonna have to live with this.
[John "Bradshaw" Layfield and Kurt Angle have battled to a draw in a Last Man Standing match as Theodore Long watches backstage]
Thanks dog, for giving me the idea of this match. [Big Show is standing behind Long]
Kurt. JBL. Come on, wake up! Get up! Over here! Look over here! Kurt Angle, down and out. JBL, down and out. What was it you guys said a couple weeks ago? What was it? I love it when a plan comes together? Boys, I will be at the Royal Rumble. And believe me, I will be the next WWE Champion.
Listen up, guys. This is a very big night for all three of us. My road to main event in my third straight WrestleMania begins right here tonight. When I make Rey Mysterio tap in this tournament match, and I will, I just wish someone here would've soften them up last week when I asked them to.
MJMark Jindrak
Look...
Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no excuses. Nonetheless, when I beat Rey Mysterio tonight, I'm going straight to the finals at No Way Out, baby, and thanks to my boys, you guys made sure there wasn't a winner in the Undertaker match, which means I don't have a semi-final match. I'm going straight to the finals. You guys make me proud, I love you guys.
LRLuther Reigns
Look, Angle, what we did last week, that was nothing. I'm sick every time Undertaker's name being mentioned around here, all these punks bowing down. Well, Luther Reigns, he don't bow down to nobody.
You damn right.
RReigns
Hell, even that looney tune Heidenreich, he got a whacked out when he seen them caskets. I mean, he's already whacked out, what am I saying?
Wacko.
RReigns
Look, Angle, I've had my throat cut ear to ear. I've been shot. I've been stabbed in a prison riot. I was locked down 23 hours a day, 7 days a week for 5 calendars. 5 calendars, Angle. I've had so much blood on me, you couldn't even tell what color my skin was. I've stared death in the eyes more times than I can remember. So when it comes to the Undertaker, I ain't scared of no caskets, and I damn sure ain't scared of no deadman.
Now, that's the intensity I want. That's the intensity that's gonna bring home the gold tonight. You guys are gonna go out there and you're gonna win the WWE Tag Team Championships from the Bashams. You got it? Now let's go do it!
RReigns
Damn right.
That's right, you're damn right.
RReigns
Let's roll, Jindrak.
And look at this! [JBL whacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt] JBL with the championship off the skull of John Cena! The referee never saw it! The damn champion with the title off the skull of Cena! [Orlando Jordan crawling to Cena to cover him] Orlando Jordan crawling toward the cover! Not this way! [the referee makes the count] Not this way! Dammit!
[bell rings]
Here is your winner and the new United States Champion, Orlando Jordan!
You gotta be kidding me! This whole "Cabinet leaving" garbage was a damn joke!
Hooked us! Hook, line, and sinker! Hooked everyone, you, me, everybody here! JBL, like it or not, the man's a damn genius! We thought he split the arena! We thought he left!
Uh-uh.
A new United States champ? Wow!
A masterful plan, hatched by the champion, JBL, to take the United States Championship from John Cena. JBL and his Cabinet, with a diabolical scheme tonight, to take the title from Cena. Orlando Jordan is the new United States Champion.
The champ...is here. JBL, Wrestling God, longest running WWE Champion in the last decade, has survived the Triple Threat match, the Fatal Four-Way match, has beat The Undertaker, beat Eddie Guerrero in a steel cage, and then again in a Texas Bullrope match, survived The Big Show in a Barbed Wire Steel Cage match. But the champ is here. [crowd chants "Cena!"] I'm supposed to be a thug. I don't talk like a champion. They say I don't, I don't fit the dress code, but I think I'm doing alright. It's been said that I'm not a superstar because I'm putting myself on the same level as the people I fight for. This one's good. I have no respect for this business and I have no respect for its championships. You see, when I uh, modified the United States Championship, apparently, wrestling traditionalists and JBL got a little offended. Well I got news for you. Take a look. Take a last look at your [holds WWE Championship] coveted prize, because if you think what we did to the U.S. title was disrespectful, hell you better lock the dog at the country club! Because the champ is here! [crowd chants "Cena" as Cena approaches the crowd] Listen. You hear that? I said, do you hear that? [crowd cheers as Cena walks into the audience] Look around! This is what we do! [crowd cheers] So it don't matter if you're Booker T, Kurt Angle, Big Show, JBL, hell it don't matter if you're the Brooklyn Brawler, Iron Mike Sharp, SD Jones or Steve Gatorwolf, our time is now! This is the Chain Gang! And we ain't hard to find. You want some, come get some, because the champ is here!
[Eddie Guerrero arrives and sits on a chair in the middle of the ring, one week after turning on Rey Mysterio]
You know...all over the country, people have been asking me, "Why, Eddie, why? Why did you do to Rey Mysterio, what you did to him, last week?" Plain and simple, I gave him what he wanted. He wanted a fight, I gave him a fight! I gave him the fight of his life! And do you think that makes me happy?? [looking at Rey's bloody mask which he kept from the previous week] DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES ME...HAPPY?! I didn't want to do it, Rey, WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO IT?! Por qué? It's your fault!! Es tu culpa, Rey! [the crowd starts an "Eddie sucks" chant] I never wanted to lay a hand on you! And look what you made me do! But you know what, Rey? Blessings come in disguises, ese. You see, I realized something last week, homes. My eyes were open. And I realized what you were doing. And not only you... [standing up and addressing the audience] ...ALL of these people. [the crowd boos] I realized, that each and every one of you, were living vicariously through me! You were stealing my passion, my love, my energy! You were stealing my Latino Heat! But as of last week...not anymore, 'cause I got it back! I got it ALL back! And I like it! I like what I'm feeling, Rey. [sitting back down in the chair] So I got a little piece of advice for you, homes. See, nothing and no one is going to ever, ever, take away my Latino Heat again! So I want you to listen, real close. [camera zooms in closer on Eddie] Come in, a little closer. LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!! Quiero que piensas, I want you to think, think of your family. Aalyah and Dominik, your son and your daughter. Don't make me...hurt them, Rey. Don't make me...hurt their daddy again, ese! Don't make me...take...away...their papá! 'Cause I promise you this, ese: you promised to make your return at Judgment Day...I advise against it. You return at Judgment Day, remember...right now, I have your blood on my hands. At Judgment Day, if you come back, I'll have your life!
[later on that night, after getting disqualified for hitting a brain buster on Jimmy Jacobs, whom Eddie made wear Rey's mask, on a steel chair]
Eddie [ripping Rey's mask off Jimmy and addressing it again]: Judgment Day, it's mine, baby! You better not show up on Judgment Day, or your kids aren't gonna have a daddy! Órale!!
This is a dark time in the life of your Olympic hero. You see, at Judgment Day, not only did I lose to an inferior man to me, Booker T, but I was also embarrassed by his gutter-(bleep) wife, Sharmell. And I am ashamed of that. It was a joke. But it's not the only joke going on around here. Apparently Vince McMahon was sitting in his office one day, and he asked himself, how can I flush a bunch of money down the toilet and disgrace everything that wrestling stands for? I know. Bring back ECW. Now that's a freakin' brilliant idea. [crowd chants "ECW"] ECW can kiss my (bleep). See people, I know wrestling! I eat, sleep and breathe wrestling, and ECW is not real wrestling. ECW is garbage! Oh I know, I know firsthand. I was at an ECW event after I won an Olympic gold medal back in 1996, and it was so horrible and disgusting, that I left halfway through the event and vowed that I would never return again. But it looks like I'm gonna return one last time. That's right, I'm gonna buy a bunch of tickets just like Bischoff on Raw, and I'm gonna lead a group of SmackDown! volunteers to ruin ECW, just like it ruined the sport I love! And Tazz, I'm gonna bounce around your ECW buddies just like Paul Heyman bounces checks. [Tazz removes his headset and angrily stares at Angle]
You know everyone knows where I stand with Sharmell and Booker T. But Tazz, I want to know where you stand with ECW's One Night Stand. Are you gonna side with me and the WWE? You know, the company that signs your paychecks and puts food on the table? Are you gonna side with the ECW and let your foolish pride get in the way? That's an easy answer, Tazz. But I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna give you until the end of the evening to make up your mind.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE SmackDown! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.