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26 QUOTES

A character in WWE SmackDown!

Tazz quotes from WWE SmackDown!

Played by Peter Senerchia · 26 quotes · page 2 of 2

Tazz

2nd most-quoted character in WWE SmackDown!: in 26 of its 149 quotes
Most scenes with: Michael Cole (21), JBL (4), Kurt Angle (3)

Scenes with Tazz 25

And look at this! [JBL whacks John Cena with the WWE Championship belt] JBL with the championship off the skull of John Cena! The referee never saw it! The damn champion with the title off the skull of Cena! [Orlando Jordan crawling to Cena to cover him] Orlando Jordan crawling toward the cover! Not this way! [the referee makes the count] Not this way! Dammit!

[bell rings]

Here is your winner and the new United States Champion, Orlando Jordan!

You gotta be kidding me! This whole "Cabinet leaving" garbage was a damn joke!

Tazz

Hooked us! Hook, line, and sinker! Hooked everyone, you, me, everybody here! JBL, like it or not, the man's a damn genius! We thought he split the arena! We thought he left!

Uh-uh.

Tazz

A new United States champ? Wow!

A masterful plan, hatched by the champion, JBL, to take the United States Championship from John Cena. JBL and his Cabinet, with a diabolical scheme tonight, to take the title from Cena. Orlando Jordan is the new United States Champion.

Last week, I made this SmackDown! championship match a six-man elimination match! Well, with The Big Show being drafted to Raw, you lose one and you gain one, playa. So the sixth man for this match will be the latest draft lottery pick. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you, Christian! [Christian's music hits]

Christian?!

Tazz

Christian? No!

Captain Charisma?

Tazz

[Christian comes out] Yeah there he is! Oh wait a minute! Christian!

Got a shot at the SmackDown! championship here tonight on his first night on SmackDown!.

[JBL has defeated Booker T, Chris Benoit, Christian, Muhammad Hassan, and The Undertaker in a six-man elimination match, seemingly winning the SmackDown! Championship]

JBL, I've got some good news, and I've got some bad news for you, playa.

What?

Now, the bad news is, even though you won the match, you are not the SmackDown! champion.

What?!

Tazz

What the hell?

You know something playa? Recently, I found out that there's no need for a SmackDown! championship. Now the good news is, that you have earned the right to be the new number one contender to this man. Now ladies and gentlemen, everybody get ready to show your love for the final draft lottery pick and World Champion, Batista! [Batista's music hits]

Tazz

What the hell?!!

Oh, my!

Tazz

Is this a joke? What the hell's going on here?

No, it's not a joke! He's the, the, the latest draft lottery pick!

Tazz

Where is he? I'll believe it when I see it [Batista comes out] and oh my God, I believe it! Holy...I don't, this is great!

SmackDown! has hit the jackpot!

Tazz

Holy cow!

The World Heavyweight Champion has come to SmackDown!. Oh my God!

Tazz

Pinch me! I can't believe it! Batista, the World Heavyweight Champion, on SmackDown!.

This is the man who, who four nights ago, beat Triple H in Hell in a Cell! This is the man, who three times, beat Triple H! This is the man who won the title at WrestleMania, and Batista is on SmackDown!.

Tazz

Shocking! Shocking! Amazing historic moment for SmackDown!.

And I don't believe anybody is as shocked as JBL, who moments ago, was elated at winning the SmackDown! title, only to find out that he's the number one contender for that championship, the World Heavyweight title. Oh my! Batista has come to SmackDown!. Good night everybody, from a historic night in Anaheim!

TWThomas Whitney (Muhammad Hassan's attorney)

My name is Thomas Whitney, Esq., and I am the legal counsel for Mr. Muhammad Hassan. Mr. Hassan has authorized me to read this statement on his behalf. Mr. Hassan has endured so much emotional distress as a result of the vitriolic hatred he has encountered over the last week. As a result, he has chosen to take a leave of absence from SmackDown!. I'd like to remind you that Mr. Hassan is as American as each and every one of you. He has the same rights and privileges under the First Amendment, including freedom of expression. And it is a sad day in America, in which someone like my client has found me to retain an attorney to protect his fundamental rights to freedom of speech, and freedom from discrimination. Like all other Americans, you should not be prejudiced against Mr. Hassan or his manager, Khosrow Daivari. Therefore, my client will never again appear here on SmackDown!, until such time as he defeats The Undertaker at a pay-per-view, ironically enough, called The Great American Bash. And furthermore, my client will no longer be appearing on -- [The Undertaker's music hits and The Undertaker makes his entrance]

It appears as though Thomas Whitney, esquire, Muhammad Hassan's attorney is about to personally meet The Undertaker.

Tazz

This could be an interesting rebuttal, Cole. Well, law school ain't prepared for this.

I, I don't think Hassan's attorney has, has any idea what to think about all this. [Undertaker enters the ring] In ten days at The Great American Bash, that man, The Undertaker will meet Muhammad Hassan for the opportunity to meet the World Heavyweight Champion. A number one contender's match at the Bash.

Tazz

Think that attorney's got cottonmouth? [Undertaker approaches and corners Whitney]

WWhitney

Sir. Sir, I do not know your intentions. But sir, need I remind you, that I am not a wrestler, sir. I am an attorney. [Undertaker grabs Whitney by the throat]

Tazz

Come on, Taker wait. No don't do this!

He's an attorney! [Undertaker chokeslams Whitney] Oh man! Undertaker just chokeslammed Muhammad Hassan's attorney.

Tazz

I, this guy's not a wrestler. I don't, [Undertaker signals for the Tombstone] Someone's gotta stop this man.

Who's gonna stop him, Tazz? This is ridiculous. Undertaker may very well -- [Undertaker prepares to deliver a Tombstone Piledriver to Whitney]

Tazz

Oh god, oh no no!

Not the Tombstone Piledriver!

Tazz

No Taker no! No no! [Undertaker tombstones Whitney]

Oh my! I dare say Tazz, that the, The Undertaker's crossed the line here.

Tazz

I don't think he gives a rat's you-know-what about crossing the line. I'll tell you Cole, I don't know how much money Muhammad Hassan pays his attorney, but it's definitely not enough.

WrestleMania 21. It was supposed to be my night. My time. I was supposed to beat the biggest, baddest legend ever. I was going to beat The Undertaker. But fate intervened, fate decided to intervene, and that didn't happen. Well guess what? Fate repaid the favor, and I'm standing before you on SmackDown!, able to get what I want. Able to get what I deserve! Able to get what I need. I need to beat The Undertaker. Now The Undertaker's been with the WWE for fifteen years. Fifteen long years, and he's achieved legendary status. The Undertaker is a legend! Oh, but guess what? I'm the Legend Killer. All the victims of The Undertaker, they were great. They were great men, but all the victims, all the men that I've defeated in this ring, all those men have been legends. At WrestleMania 21, The Undertaker took away any chance at my immortality. So I've decided to take away everything possibly that I could take away from The Undertaker, and that started last week on SmackDown!, when I took away his chance at becoming World Champion. I DESPISE THE UNDERTAKER! I spit in the face of The Undertaker's legacy! My legacy, my legacy was flourished by every legend that I dropped with the RKO. My legacy will live long, long after I'm gone. It carried through last year's SummerSlam, when I became the youngest World Heavyweight Champion of all time. And at this year's SummerSlam, simply this, I'm going to get what I need. Undertaker, it's time for me to catch what I let slip through my fingers. I will not rest until I beat you. I will not rest until you're on the long list of legends that I've defeated. I will not rest, Undertaker, so what's it gonna be? You and me, SummerSlam, I know you can hear me, do you understand? But I know you're around. I know you're around. What's it gonna be? I want an answer! I want an answer, Taker. Right now damn it, I demand an answer! You and me at SummerSlam! What you say? Come on! I know you can hear me! Where you at?! Come on! [The Undertaker's gong sounds]

Oh my!

Tazz

Be careful what you ask for! Careful, be careful what you ask for, Cole! [The words "RKO" appear on the Titantron]

Randy Orton. You want a legacy? SummerSlam. You will rest...in...peace.

I didn't come out here to brag about what I did to The Undertaker. I don't need to. I'm, I'm not an arrogant man. What I did to Undertaker speaks for itself. [points to the SmackDown! titantron that was destroyed and is covered with tape] Any of you here coming to this arena thinking that there's just a small chance you might see Undertaker rise from the ashes, WELL GUESS WHAT, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! It's over, he's done! His legacy is dead. I killed him. I KILLED THE UNDERTAKER! [crowd boos] The only true phenom now in the WWE...is me. And I deserve something for what I've accomplished. I deserve the World Heavyweight Championship. You think I don't? Do you disagree with me?! [crowd cheers] You disagree with me?! Well guess what, the one man that three years in a row was the sole survivor at the Survivor Series match, you're looking at him! The youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history! You're looking at him! A third-generation superstar! Guess what, you're looking at him! [crowd boos] The man that killed the phenom, The Undertaker. You're looking at him. You people disagree? Well your opinions mean nothing to me, whatsoever. [crowd chants "asshole"] Batista! [crowd cheers] I'm calling you out. I want a World Heavyweight Championship match. And I don't want one at Armageddon. I demand one at Armageddon!

Tazz

Wow.

And I will become the World Heavyweight Champion. It's not arrogance, people. It's destiny.

DDaivari

Well, I told you what was gonna happen out here. We'll be screwed up. But Kurt, I should have said, you were the one that was gonna get screwed. I am now the manager of the World's Strongest Man, and next World Heavyweight Champion, Mark Henry.

What?

Tazz

What the hell is going on here? Daivari's Henry's manager?

Oh my God.

Tazz

I never saw this coming. Angle got...I...I...did he get double-crossed here? Is Daivari now manager of Mark Henry?

I'd love to know what the hell happened, but the bottom line is Daivari is managing Mark Henry.

Tazz

Daivari knows Kurt Angle so well, Cole.

Well, nine days away from the Rumble, the #1 contender Mark Henry ended up himself as a serious threat but now with Daivari added to the mix, Kurt Angle's reign may be in trouble. As Daivari said, this is screwed up.

JLJohn "Bradshaw" Layfield

Comesta, amigos? You got it all wrong, folks. I came out here to applaud Rey Mysterio, our World Champion. You see he's a typical, tough Mexican fighter, who has, whoa what you call it? Machismo. Last week, he promised he would take on all comers. And indeed he did. He took on the world's strongest... [crowd chants "619"]

The "619" chants in honor of Mysterio.

I'm surprised you know the numbers in English. [crowd boos] Last week, Rey Mysterio kept his word, and took on the world's strongest man, Mark Henry. [chuckles] And lost. [laughs] I guess Mark hadn't heard of machismo. Well this week, YOU, YOU WANNA THANK ME! If it hadn't been for me, Rey Mysterio would've been squashed like a cockroach underneath Mark Henry! This week, we'll see if he keeps his word again, and takes on all comers, or if Rey Mysterio is el polio, a chicken. We'll see if Rey Mysterio takes his little inner tube and goes back to Mexico. But we all know our little underdog champion has more heart than brains. So tonight, [crowd chants "619"] I am wearing the American flag, something you people on strike should start observing! Now shut your mouth and show me some respect! [crowd boos] Tonight your little hometown hero, San Diego's own, Rey Mysterio, [crowd cheers] cheer for him now, because tonight, he has The Great Khali. But it doesn't end there Rey. Because Judgment Day, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock is coming. Remember, Rey, I am the one who took the WWE Championship. I am the one who defeated Eddie Guerrero! [crowd boos, then chants "Eddie"] Oh, Eddie was great. I was just better. I am the one who also [raises his WWE United States Championship] took this championship from Chris Benoit! And May 21, at Judgment Day, when I defeat the third amigo, when I complete the trifecta, I will be the only man in SmackDown! history to hold the United States Championship and the World Championship. I will be undeniably a champion's champion. A true AMERICAN hero. One more legacy in my hall of fame career and you Rey, you Rey, will be here hanging out on a street corner with your homies. Your people. Your people who are sitting here. Your people who look like you. You people who are the size of you Rey. Your people who speak like you. Your people who thank God they're here, because it's your people who do the dirty work for real Americans like me. But don't worry Rey. I'm not gonna leave you high and dry. In fact, I'm gonna offer you a job, you and your family. Your kids, sweet little Dominic can shine my boots. Your wife Rey, can work in my kitchen, maybe in some little short Latino dress. With high heels. Stelleto. I like this. But in case you wanna be gangfully employed Rey, how about you do what the rest of your people do? How about you sell drugs on street corners? How about you do drive-bys? How about you do prostitution? How about you work at a donkey show in Tijuana? You people make me sick! Rey, you and your people is what's ruining my country! Rey, at Judgment Day, I will, I will... [Rey Mysterio charges the ring and attacks JBL]

And there's Rey Mysterio! The World Champion has heard enough! Rey Mysterio attacking JBL!

Tazz

Can't blame Rey Mysterio! Those co - those comments by JBL, he'll be ashamed of himself, but look at Rey going to pound on him!

JBL trying to roll out of the way, Rey Mysterio continues the assault. JBL humiliating, embarrassing Mysterio, in front of his family, in front of his friends here tonight!

Tazz

I can't believe Bradshaw, JBL, the comments, Mysterio beating the daylights out of... [JBL flees]

JBL running away, running away from the champion!

John "Bradshaw" Layfield [standing on the announcers' desk, waving to Rey Mysterio who is in the ring]: Como está, my amigo? Sunday, Domingo, is Judgment Day, Rey. Your judgment day, when I take that championship off your undeserving body! But I got a question for you, Rey. [to Howard Finkel] Give him your microphone! Give him your microphone! [Finkel obliges and walks out of the ring. JBL addressing Rey again] You look like roadkill, vato! The last two weeks has been rough on you, Rey, ya look terrible! You don't even know which way is up, do ya? Rey! Let me ask you a question: do you even know where we are? [interrupting Rey before he could reply] Son! Son! I'll help ya: we're in Albuquerque, north Mexico. Do you even know, Rey? Look at - you got dain bramage, ese! Do you even know what year it is, Rey? [interrupting Rey before he could speak again] Rey, I'll help ya, I'll help ya...2006. Do you even know what day it is?

Rey Mysterio [walking towards JBL]: May 19th!

JBL [feigning shock, then grinning]: You said it...I didn't!

[JBL laughs hysterically as suddenly a fireball goes off and then Kane arrives. Rey looks shocked]

Oh...oh, my God!

Tazz

What the hell-?

You gotta be-

Tazz

What, no!

It's Kane! It's Kane! It's Kane!

Tazz

No! No!

JBL, you sick bastard!

Tazz

What are you - what is going on?!

You gotta be kiddin' me! What the hell is wrong with you?!

Tazz

No!

Kane! Oh my God, this is gonna be a massacre! [Kane enters the ring and immediately attacks Rey; the bell rings to start the match] Kane, beating the hell out of Mysterio!

Tazz

You gotta be kid - I, I'm...I'm shocked!

JBL, what the hell is wrong with you?? What the hell is wrong with you?!?

You shouldn't upset Kane, you know what Kane hates when you say that! He shouldn't upset the Big Red Machine! This is Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger all rolled into one, except for the fact he's a living, breathing human being, and he is a walking, talking stud!

JLJohn "Bradshaw" Layfield

We just witnessed the greatest travesty of all time at Judgment Day! [crowd chants "you suck"] Rey Mysterio is still the World Champion. [crowd cheers] But I challenged him to take on all comers. I appealed to his machismo. Well Rey, oh Rey! If you're still a man of your word, and you'll still take on all comers, then I'm gonna prove it was a fluke on Sunday! Come out here right now with your World Championship and let's do it right here! [Rey Mysterio's theme hits]

Oh ho ho! The World Champion, as he proved Sunday, is a man of his word! [Rey Mysterio comes out] A standing ovation for the man who's still living his dream, successfully defending the World Championship Sunday at Judgment Day.

Tazz

I don't know how Mysterio did it on Sunday but he did it. He left Phoenix with the World Championship.

RMRey Mysterio

JBL, you're right. I did say I would take on all comers. And I took you on at Judgment Day. And I beat you!

You sarcastic little punk, that was a fluke! Now get out here, let's do it right now!

MMysterio

Hold on. JBL, you are the United States Champion. I don't, I don't see you defending your title. I don't see you taking on all comers.

You little punk. You have the audacity to question me? THIS IS MY SHOW! I carry this company! And yes, I will take on all comers, because nobody but a true American hero represents this country better. I am proud to be your United States Champion.

MMysterio

Did, did you, did you just say you are willing to take on all, all comers?

I kicked you too hard in the head Rey. Is your mask covering your ears? Under the blood that you bled at Judgment Day covering up your ears? You want it in English? The answer is yes, I take on anybody!

MMysterio

English, Spanish, I understood you. [speaks Spanish] So, since you are willing, let me introduce to you your opponent. Bobby Lashley!

So let me get this straight now...at Unforgiven, it's gonna be the Championship Scramble where, 5 men are gonna get in the ring to try to capture the WWE championship; it'll be myself, MVP...

[the crowd boos]

Shelton Benjamin...

[the crowd boos again]

Brian Kendrick...

[the crowd boos again]

...no no no no, not just any Brian Kendrick, THE Brian Kendrick...

[the crowd boos louder]

...and the enigma Jeff Hardy. [the crowd cheers] Now here's the trick - they can get in the ring and they don't have to beat me to become champion; they can beat any one of them, and the last one to catch a fall, in the 20 minutes, walks out the WWE champion, now...those odds don't favor me very much, they practically guarantee that the title will change hands. But I just wanna let these guys know one thing before you all go out and start celebrating, buying yourself a Rolex or a, a fancy new sports car to celebrate your big win of becoming WWE champion, here's the thing you gotta understand, guys: the fifth guy in that ring...the fifth guy in that ring is a 12-time champion. [the crowd cheers] The fifth guy in that ring has been in every match that the WWE has to offer, and has come out on top! The fifth guy is known for a very good reason as the Game. He is also known as the King of Kings, and trust me, there is only one-

[suddenly Kenny Dykstra's music hits as he comes out and marches towards the ring]

Wow. What the...

Tazz

It's Kenny Dykstra, what...

Kenny Dykstra interrupting the WWE champion, somewhat disrespectful - extremely disrespectfully, for a fact-

[Kenny snatches the mic from Triple H's hand]

KKenny

So I'm not even considered for the Championship Scramble? Really?! I'm sick and tired of people not taking me serious around here. My name is Kenny Dykstra, and-

[Triple H kicks Kenny in the gut and gives him the Pedigree]

Oh, oh...and this is a Pedigree -

Tazz

Oh, God!

- from the WWE champion!

[Triple H picks up his title and then the mic]

Good to see ya, Kenny. [drops the mic and leaves the ring]

Tazz

Well, I tell ya, I give Kenny Dykstra a lot of credit for coming out here and getting right in the face of the WWE champion, but...that Pedigree was nasty!

Well, Dykstra's got a world of talent and abilities, but I can't say so much for his timing!

These quotes come from Wikiquote's WWE SmackDown! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.