Last week, last week I asked Stacy Keibler a question. Do you think that I can beat The Undertaker at WrestleMania? After I asked her that question, she hesitated. I didn't. My message was made clear, you're either with me, or you're against me. You're either with me, or you're against me! Well Stacy, since you weren't with me, you were a distraction. And I made a promise to myself heading into WrestleMania, I'm gonna eliminate all distractions. Now, I know why The Undertaker is undefeated at WrestleMania. I know why. Cause all of his opponents in the future had themselves beat before they even got in the ring. They were scared to death. They were scared to death of The Undertaker.
Jerry LawlerThey were psyched out.
Well that is not me. I am not scared, I've seen my future and it doesn't involve a headstone. It involves a hall of fame plaque. A hall of fame plaque, and that plaque says, "Randy Orton, third generation superstar. The youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history." And, at the bottom of that plaque it says, "Randy Orton, also the only man to defeat The Undertaker at WrestleMania." Years from now, people will be talking about my undefeated streak. It all started last year. WrestleMania XX, Rock, Mick Foley, you fell to Randy Orton. And this year it continues with The Undertaker. Taker, you can't fight the future, and you can't beat Randy Orton, Legend Killer. [The Undertaker's gong sounds]
It wasn't...it wasn't supposed to happen this way. It wasn't supposed to happen like it did. I came this close to making history. This close to beating The Undertaker at WrestleMania. Hell, he. he picked me up for that chokeslam, I turned it into an RKO, and when that wasn't enough, I figured I'd beat him at his own game. I'd beat him with his own patented move, I picked him up for that Tombstone Piledriver, and before breaking his neck, something happened. Something happened but, my shoulder, my left shoulder, I, I heard a snap. [crowd boos] I lost some feeling in my left arm, and next thing I knew I was looking at the bright lights. I mean, I don't know what's wrong, the doctor wasn't sure what's wrong. If my shoulder didn't give out last night, I would have beat The Undertaker! [crowd boos] But it got worse. 'Cause when I was backstage, and the doctor was tending to my injured shoulder, I looked up at the television. I looked up at the TV monitor and what I saw made me sick to my stomach! I was the new World Champion, Batista. [crowd cheers] Now let me make one thing perfectly clear. When I was messing with The Undertaker, I respected him. Even though I despise Triple H, I respect him. I have no respect whatsoever for Batista! [crowd boos] Everybody knows that when Evolution was formed, it was me. I was the future! Hell I still am. I was the bright and shining star, I was the project, the diamond in the rough. Everybody knows it. Hell, me and Flair and Triple H, we'd laugh at Batista, we'd crack jokes, we'd make fun of him. He was so far behind, they told me to slow down, they'd say "Randy, you're light years ahead of Batista. Let him catch up." It was a running joke. The Animal. Ha! [crowd chants "Batista"] Chant his name! Go ahead, chant his name! But let me tell you one thing right now. This year alone, I've beaten him not once, but twice. I pinned him in this very ring. So I know what I gotta do to get the bitterness out of my mind, to get that loss out of my mind from last night from The Undertaker. I need to beat Batista RIGHT HERE TONIGHT! [Eric Bischoff's music hits]
Jerry Lawler
What'd you think about that, JR? Those are some strong words from Randy Orton, huh? [Eric Bischoff comes out]
Randy, as far as World title matches are concerned, I think earlier tonight, we heard what Triple H has in mind with his rematch clause. And even if he hasn't, Edge, hell you were there when --
[over Bischoff] Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, listen to me Eric! I don't care what you gotta do. I want Batista in this ring tonight! You hear me?! TONIGHT!
You want it so damn bad? Then tonight, it's going to be Randy Orton one on one with the new World Champion, Batista!
CChristian
Take a note, America. This is the response that you give to a superstar like me! [crowd cheers]
Jerry Lawler
Look at all the signs. They're on their feet!
CChristian
Now I know that you all know about the draft lottery next week. [crowd chants "Christian"]
Lawler
Lottery starts next week. Gonna last, it's gonna last a month?
Lawler
Gosh.
CChristian
And I've been looking over the SmackDown! roster, and it seems to me that they're missing, they're missing something.
Lawler
Missing something?
CChristian
Check it out. They've got Americans. [crowd boos] They've got Mexicans. [crowd boos] They've got Japanese. [crowd boos] They've got Frenchmen. [crowd boos] They've got a giant. [crowd boos] They've got a st, st, stutterer. [crowd boos] They've got a dead man. [crowd boos] They've got a rapping, hip hop poser champion. [crowd boos]
Lawler
These Canadians don't like anybody.
CChristian
That couldn't make me say "I quit" even if he forced me to listen to his lame-ass CD, John Cena!
Lawler
That's a good one.
CChristian
But what they're missing, what they don't have is a Canadian! [crowd cheers]
Lawler
You realize that?
CChristian
A Canadian that would kick the holy living hell out of anybody on SmackDown!. So after next week, either I stay here on Raw, or SmackDown! will be getting an injection of the three C's. Charisma, Canada, [slaps his chest] and Christian!
Who's your daddy, Montreal? [crowd boos and then chants "you screwed Bret"] Well since all of you have been so respectful to me, I would like to return in kind. [singing] Mi mi mi mi...O Canada, how I hate this place, O Canada, I'm gonna kick Hulk Hogan right in the face...all right. I'll admit it. I'll admit I'm no singer. [crowd chants "asshole"] But what I am is the showstopper, the headliner, the main event, the icon of the WWE, yours truly, the Heartbreak Kid, Shawn Michaels. [crowd boos] Hulk Hogan, at SummerSlam, I promise, no better yet, I guarantee...I guarantee Hulk Hogan, at SummerSlam, I will give you and the WWE fans something to remember. And of course, all of you here in Montreal know that I am all about... [crowd chants "asshole"] you know I'm all about giving you memories. Survivor Series 1997. [crowd boos] I handed Canada's own, Bret "The Hitman" Hart, [crowd cheers] his most miserable defeat. [crowd chants "we want Bret"] You want Bret? [crowd cheers] You're not gonna get Bret, because I screwed Bret. I did it once, and I'd do it again! If Bret "The Hitman" Hart had any guts, and he walked down that aisle tonight, stepped into this ring, and looked me eye to eye like a man, I'd say "Hitman, I screwed you once, and I'd screw you again." Because Bret "The Hit" [suddenly Bret Hart's music hits and the crowd erupts, but nothing happens for several seconds]
My God, what's going on here?
Jerry Lawler
Well, I, it's Bret Hart!
That's Bret "The Hitman" Hart's entrance music! [Michaels mocks Hart's pose]
Lawler
Wait a minute, wait a minute!
I don't think the crowd knows how to respond, I don't think they know what to do. [Hart's music stops and Bret Hart doesn't show up]
Lawler
Wait a minute.
Got your hopes just a little bit, didn't I?
You will never, and I mean ever hear or see Bret "The Hitman" Hart inside a WWE ring again.
[John Cena has successfully defended the WWE Championship against Chris Jericho in a You're Fired match, meaning Jericho is fired]
Chris, forget about all that. Because...YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU'RE FIRED!
Jerry Lawler
What?!
You had a job to do, damn it, and you didn't get it done! [Jericho pleads for his job]
Give me another chance! I got a plan, he'll be fired! I mean come on! Don't fire me, come on Eric! Come on, we're buddies! We're friends, give me another chance! You know I can do it! Give me another chance! Please Eric!
YOU'RE FIRED! YOU HEAR ME?!
GET OUT OF MY RING! OUT OF MY RING! [Jericho gets on his knees and begs for his job] I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR WIFE, OR YOUR DAMN KID! NOW GET OUT OF MY RING!
I just did! Security, get him out of here!
[security comes to the ring] Don't fire me! Don't fire me, Mr. Bischoff! Please I can do this! No!
Get him out of here! NOW! GET OUT OF MY RING DAMN IT! YOU ARE DONE! FINISHED! GET HIM OUT OF MY RING! [the security officers grab Jericho as he grabs Bischoff's leg]
Jerry Lawler
What are we seeing?
Jericho begging for his job. He's holding on to, he's holding on to Bischoff's leg, begging to keep his job.
Lawler
I'd never thought I'd see Jericho beg on his knees like this!
I would never do anything like what Chris Jericho is doing right now. Jericho deserves to be fired. When you don't get the job done. [the security drags Jericho away from the ring]
Lawler
They're dragging him out of Raw!
Hey, he had an opportunity. He didn't come through for the boss, thus, he's out of here. [the security carries Jericho as he screams] Chris Jericho is done.
Lawler
They're carrying him out!
Jericho being bodily carried out of this ring. Chris Jericho has been fired. Chris Jericho is done.
[One week after his vicious attack on Ric Flair, Triple H is seen walking through the hallways of the arena as various people look at him]
Jerry "The King" Lawler
Uh-oh!
[Triple H soon runs into Shawn Michaels, and comes face-to-face with him]
You know, nobody in that locker room has known you as long as I have...you know, and I've always known that you were capable of just about anything, but what you did last week...was too much, Hunter. Was too much.
[Triple H then starts laughing as he walks away from Michaels, passing by various other superstars who stare at him coldly - until he runs into the Big Show]
BSBig Show
I'm telling you right now...someday, you're gonna get yours.
[Triple H slowly backs away from the Big Show, then turns around and comes face-to-face with the WWE champion, John Cena]
I don't know you, I ain't gonna judge you, but after last week, you lost some respect.
[starts to walk away but turns back to Cena] You know, if I were you, the last thing I'd want to do is get my attention, you know what I mean?
You know me. You want some? [taps WWE Championship] Come get some!
Don't you worry. When I want some, [angrily points to title] I'll take it!
[As Triple H starts to leave, a random worker accidentally bumps into him, and in response, Triple H throws him to the ground]
Come on! [Triple H grins and walks away] Now - uhh...what was the...? Damn.
All right. Well as, as promised, as promised, [throws the microphone]
Jerry Lawler
Well, looks like the sound man is gonna be fired tonight as well! [McMahon demands a new microphone] Oh ho! [A technician hands McMahon a new microphone] You hand Mr. McMahon a microphone, you don't throw it at him!
You don't throw it at all.
MMcMahon
Well as promised, last week we took out the trash! [crowd cheers] That's not some sort of bait and switch technique, not some sort of adoration. Last week, I fired Eric Bischoff's ass. And I can tell you this, Eric Bischoff is gonna stay fired. Not withstanding that, I'd like to thank Eric for his contributions and I'd like to wish he and his family a very merry Christmas.
Lawler
He's a very warm man.
MMcMahon
Now of course everyone's been asking me, Mr. McMahon, who's gonna be named the new general manager of Raw? I have some suggestions on that matter. Matter of fact, a number of individuals come to mind who are imminently qualified. One might be um, my daughter Stephanie McMahon.
Lawler
Whoa!
MMcMahon
My son Shane McMahon! It might be one of those individuals, it may not be. There was some guy knocking on my door all afternoon trying to get in for an interview. The hell is his name? He wanted to be general manager, Theo Epstein. Then again, maybe not. Hell if Ted Turner wants to get quite, quote, back in the rasslin business, it could be Ted himself. It could be one of you.
Lawler
Oh!
MMcMahon
Just ribbing, it's not gonna be one of you. I can tell you. But nonetheless, tonight, the interview process begins to determine the general manager of Raw, or I can tell you, an individual has been, has been assigned tonight to be the interim general manager for tonight, and that individual is thought of as a business icon. He's thought of as a creative genius, and one handsome virile son of a bitch.
Lawler
Uh-oh.
MMcMahon
And that would be me, Vincent Kennedy McMahon.
Lawler
I knew it!
MMcMahon
So tonight, I'm gonna take up where Eric Bischoff left off when Eric named the Elimination Chamber to be the main event at New Year's Revolution. By the end of tonight, we will know every member, every individual who will qualify to be in that Elimination Chamber. Because we're gonna begin with elimination matches here tonight.
Lawler
Uh-oh.
JSJoey Styles
That's gonna be great.
MMcMahon
By the end of the night, all five individuals will have qualified to be in the chamber and face WWE Champion John Cena. And with that in mind, we will start with our very first qualifying match right now, and by the way, you will note, during this individual's entrance, you the audience, will not be censored. Thank you very much. Have a good night.
[After Jerry "The King" Lawler humiliates Joey Styles on Raw]
Jerry Lawler
Let me just say this: uh, during the break, I apologized to the fans here; right now, I wanna take this opportunity to apologize to you, Joey Styles, my fault, just trying to have a little fun, it got out of hand! I'm sorry, come back out and let's finish the rest of this show. My bad. Come on, Joey. [the crowd cheers] Come on, Joey! Come on back out here! [as Joey marches back out into the arena] Come on.
[Joey stands on the ramp and does not return to the desk]
JSJoey Styles
You want to apologize? Like nothing happened. Like you didn't knock me on my ass in front of millions of people worldwide, and I'm gonna come down there and work with you? I'm not coming back, and now, thanks to the magic of live television, I’m gonna show the whole world why for seven years in ECW, I was the unscripted, uncensored, loose cannon of commentary! Six months ago, WWE called me! I didn’t call this company because I was looking for a job. I didn’t need a job. WWE called me, because they had humiliated and fired, again, Jim Ross. So I get JR’s spot, and from WEEK ONE, week after week, I've got an ongoing lecture about the differences in professional wrestling and sports entertainment. I'm not allowed to say "pro wrestling", I'm not allowed to say "wrestler"; I have to say "sports entertainment", and refer to the wrestlers as "superstars". I'm told to deliberately ignore the moves and the holds during the matches so I can tell stories. Well, ignoring the moves and the holds is damn insulting to the athletes, the wrestlers, not the entertainers, who leave their families 300 days a year to ply their craft in that ring! So here’s the best part. Because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller, I get pulled from WrestleMania, and the reason I’m given is, is because I don’t sound like Jim Ross, who’s the guy they fired in the first place, that makes sense, right? So I swallow the bitter pill, I’m a company guy. I get bumped from WrestleMania. Then I get bumped...from Backlash? I'm not good enough to call Backlash?! In ECW, I called live pay-per-views on my own, solo, no color commentators dragging me down. Wasn't done before me, hasn't been done since! But I'm not good enough to call Backlash because I’m not a sports entertainment storyteller. Well, you know what? I am sick of sports entertainment. I am sick of male cheerleaders! I am sick of boogers and bathroom humor and semen, and I am sick of our chairman, who likes to talk about his own semen, he mocks God - he mocks God! - and makes out the divas all to feed his own insatiable ego. I am SICK of sports entertainment, and most of all, I'm sick of you fans who actually buy into that crap! This sports entertainment circus! [the crowd boos] I never needed this job, and I don’t want this job anymore. [takes the collar bearing the WWE logo off the microphone and throws it aside] I quit! [walks out]
Jerry [putting his headset back on]: You know...we brought Joey Styles up from the gutter and it looks like he just got homesick; maybe Joey Styles will feel more at home in a bingo hall, kissing Paul Heyman's ass! Idiot.
RVRob Van Dam
Chill out, champ. In fact, savor the time you have with that title while I explain something here. See I have a shot at the championship, which is something that was not easy to come by. No, in fact, the only way this came about is because I forced it. I won the Money in the Bank match at WrestleMania. Otherwise, I would never have been awarded what I deserve. So I wanna tell you something, John. I'm not gonna waste this opportunity here, where I can, and probably will, get screwed out of what I earned. Instead, I'd like to see this take place somewhere where I'm a lot more comfortable. Somewhere where the conditions work extremely well in my favor.
Jerry Lawler
Wait a minute.
VDVan Dam
I'm cashing in the Money in the Bank. June 11, at One Night Stand!
Lawler
Wait a minute!
Lawler
He can't do that, can he?!
Lawler
Wow! That's...
He has the opportunity between now and WrestleMania next year. Anywhere.
Lawler
At ECW's One Night Stand?
Anywhere anytime, King. That's the deal. Pretty smart move by Van Dam. Talk about a home field advantage. He's got a heck of a home field advantage at One Night Stand.
[Rob Van Dam is defending the WWE Championship against Edge and John Cena in a Triple Threat match]
Van Dam pulls himself back up. But Cena's there waiting. [Cena lifts RVD on his shoulders for an FU] Cena now,
Jerry Lawler
Here we go!
Cena with the FU, can he do it? Can John Cena do it if he does? [Cena hits the FU on RVD] Yes!
Lawler
Got him!
Cena did it! [Edge suddenly comes in and hits Cena with the WWE Championship belt]
Lawler
Oh no!
My God! Cena - wait a minute! [Edge covers RVD] Edge with the belt! Edge with the count! [the referee counts three, resulting in Edge winning the match and the WWE Championship] Edge! Edge! Edge has just, Edge is the WWE Champion!
Here is your winner, and the new WWE Champion, Edge!
Lawler
Oh my gosh! Oh ho ho ho ho!
John, exactly! John Cena delivered the FU on Van Dam! Cena had the match won, but Edge used the WWE Championship title belt to dim Cena's lights! To, and snatch the title right away from John Cena!
Lawler
But one thing's for sure. The WWE title is back on Raw! Thank goodness!
Rob Van Dam has lost the WWE title. Edge has won the WWE Championship. [Edge checks on Lita]
Lawler
Look at Lita.
John Cena with the FU, had this match won. I don't give a damn about Lita, King!
[The McMahons' limo has been stopped by a chain severing its rear axle and Vince and Shane are livid at the driver. Vince looks at the side of the limo...]
Jerry Lawler
[reacts as the camera shows DX spray-painted on the side] Uh oh...
[violently kicks the car and screams] Dammit!! [holds his right ear as he screams and cries in anguish; Shane tries to comfort him as he breaks down]
Lawler
I think it's happened. I think DX has broken Mr. McMahon!
[Edge and Lita are in the ring for The Cutting Edge, having just invited Randy Orton on the show]
Randy, thanks for - thanks for coming on the show, and...I'll get straight to the point. See, you've impressed me. You impressed me in 2004 when you became the youngest champion in WWE history. But, but since then, you've done absolutely nothing.
[standing up from his seat, shocked] Excuse me?
Edge [stammering]: Don't get me wrong, you've been involved in some huge matches: last year at WrestleMania against the Undertaker. This year at WrestleMania, Rey Mysterio, SummerSlam, Hulk Hogan, but...the thing is, you lost all those matches. You see, for two years straight, you have consistently dropped the ball.
You got two seconds to come up with a point...or I'm gonna drop you right now.
Jerry "The King" Lawler
I knew it.
Okay. Okay. Okay, Randy, I have a point: you see, every - every misstep, every bump in the road since you became champion, it-it can be traced back to one single, solitary moment. Do you remember?, because if you don't, I'm gonna remind you right now. [pointing at the Titantron] Roll the footage. [footage shown of Orton in 2004 celebrating his World Heavyweight Championship, only for Triple H and the rest of Evolution to turn on him as Triple H starts attacking him] Do you remember that, Randy? Do you remember, you were on top of the world, you had it ALL!...but Triple H's selfishness cost you everything, everything! I know you tried to pull it all back together, but let's face it, the facts are the facts! So you're probably asking yourself why, why would I care? And normally, I wouldn't. But these things have a, a tendency to repeat themselves. Jealousy rears its ugly head again, because, just last week, there was another travesty of justice. So once again, [gesturing to the Titantron] let's roll the footage. [footage from the previous week on Raw when D-Generation X interfered in Edge's steel cage match against John Cena for the WWE Championship, with Shawn Michaels' Sweet Chin Music to Trevor Murdoch, causing Murdoch to inadvertently slam the cage door on Edge's head, being the main turning point] Shawn Michaels cost me the WWE Championship! The same man who, who taught Triple H every self-serving, power-hungry move he's ever known! And-and what did DX do when they came out here earlier? They...they made some cute little jokes. Because Randy, they think I'm a joke, they think you're a joke. And they're gonna continue to do that, until someone takes a stand. You see, Randy, I know you're not a joke, and I'm not a joke. The reason I called you out here tonight...is because I think those people that should take a stand...I think it's you, and me. We should own this show! We should have all the championships! We are the present and future of this industry, not some tired old act from a decade ago! So I tell you what, Randy, it's really simple: you can get mad at the things, the-the true things I said earlier and, you can fight me right now...or...you can join me. Join me and together we can take a stand against DX. We can beat DX! Take back our championships! Take back our lives, our careers! So the ball's in your court. It's up to you.
[the crowd starts an "RKO" chant, much to Edge's chagrin]
DX...as far as you running this show anymore is concerned, I've got two words for ya: it's over! [shakes Edge's hand and the two grin at one another]
2007 could be summarized to three letters. R, K, O. I went from the Legend Killer to becoming a one man dynasty. And in 2008, I'm going to be more ruthless and dominant than ever. I will start this new year as the WWE Champion, and I will walk out of 2008 still the WWE Champion. [crowd boos, then Jeff Hardy's music hits and Jeff Hardy comes out]
Well ladies and gentlemen, the number one contender for the WWE title, the very man that will meet Randy Orton for the WWE title at the Royal Rumble, Jeff Hardy has apparently heard enough of what Mr. Orton has to say here tonight.
Jerry Lawler
Well I don't think this is a good idea for Jeff Hardy to come out here and ruin the moment for Randy Orton. Let's face it, Randy Orton is the WWE Champion, he is the greatest Raw superstar of 2007. He deserves a certain amount of respect.
JHJeff Hardy
You can talk about your year all you want man. But right here, right now, it means nothing. Dude, it's about what you've done lately. It's about the one thing you don't have. And that's momentum. As a matter of fact, let's check a little something you left out of your video. [footage from the December 17 Raw is shown]
Well Jeff Hardy's had a pretty good 2007 as well. Two weeks ago, Jeff Hardy, as we'll see here, after the Twist of Fate, the Swanton Bomb on the WWE Champion, for a 1, 2, 3 for a victory. That's momentum.
All that proves, Jeff Hardy, is that you got lucky. A lucky win in a tag match!
HHardy
No, no Randy, you what that proves? That proves I can beat you! That proves that if anyone's got momentum leading into the Royal Rumble with our match, it's not Randy Orton. It is Jeff Hardy!
You wanna talk about momentum? Ask Chris Jericho about momentum. Ask Shawn Michaels. Ask John Cena what I've done lately. [crowd chants "you suck"] Nobody has ever beaten me for the WWE Championship title, and you will never beat me, Jeff Hardy. But you're talking about momentum. Let me show you how momentum can take a quick turn. So why don't you pay attention. [Orton and Hardy stare down for several seconds, then Orton tries to RKO Hardy, but Hardy reverses]
Oh! Orton looking for the RKO, [Hardy hits a Twist of Fate on Orton]
Lawler
Hey! Twist of Fate!
But it's now the Twist of Fate delivered from the Intercontinental Champion, the number one contender for the WWE title, and indeed there is huge momentum.
Lawler
Oh my gosh! Orton outsmarted at his own game. I thought Orton was about to show some sort of video or something, and instead he went for the RKO that was blocked, and turned into the Twist of Fate!
There certainly can be an argument made that Jeff Hardy indeed does have Randy Orton's number.
Lawler
The magic number for Randy Orton may be 2008 when he becomes the next WWE Champion.
And the question is, will Ric Flair make it until 2008? Last month, WWE Chairman Mr. McMahon made a, he dropped a huge bomb on the incomparable Ric Flair.
JLJohn "Bradshaw" Layfield
On this New Year's Eve on this city that I own, my hometown, New York City, they're waiting for a ball to come down out of the sky. The rest of the world, yourself included, those in New York are knowing that this day will be known for one thing, and one thing only. Mark it, write it down, etch this day in stone. This is the day that JBL returns! This is the day JBL comes to Raw. It is so momentous, you can smell it because you people know, you know far and wide, everyone knows I don't have to be here. I am a millionaire many times over. I am here for one simple reason. I love power. I love domination. I like, I love owning people. I love taking people like you, squashing them under my thumb, because I can. Money comes to money. I am your worst nightmare, because if I can't buy it, I will take it! So mark my words, [Chris Jericho's music hits]
Jerry Lawler
What is this now? [Chris Jericho comes out] This was a piece of history, JR! Jericho doesn't need to spoil this! [Jericho charges at JBL] Look out!
And Chris Jericho is not doing any talking! [Jericho and JBL brawl]
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
