[During the No-Disqualification WWF Championship match]
Michael ColeDX and the Corporate Team are going at it!
Look out! [Glass shatters] What?! Oh no!
Cole
Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here!
Look out, Mr. McMahon! The Rattlesnake is here!
[Austin enters the ring and nails The Rock on the head with a chair]
Cole
Stone Cold with a chair! [Austin drapes Mankind on top of The Rock] He pulled Mankind on The Rock!
[as Hebner counts] No! No! [Three count] Don't do it! [arena erupts]
TCTony Chimel
Here is your winner and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mankind!
[over the announcement] Oh my God, no!
Cole
Mankind did it! Mick Foley did it!
Cole
Mankind has achieved his dream, and the dream of everyone else who's been told, "you can't do it"!
No! You can't do it! You can't do this!
[Chyna appears as the last Corporate Rumble entry but Vince McMahon is distracted by Stone Cold Steve Austin]
[sees Chyna] We got problems! Watch out, watch out [as Chyna rolls Vince over the top rope] WATCH OUT!!
Michael Cole
[as Shane repeatedly screams NO! seeing Vince whiplashed and sprawled from the bottom rope] There goes the draw! Chyna wins the Corporate Rumble! Chyna is No 30 in the Royal Rumble!
Mr McMahon has been eliminated by a woman!!
Cole
Austin made sure that he meets Mr McMahon first at the Rumble!
Austin you'll pay!!!! Austin you're gonna pay at the Rumble!
Cole
Steve Austin and Mr McMahon are gonna be one on one at the Rumble.
MMcMahon
I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!!
Cole
Mr McMahon is No 2. Stone Cold is No 1..
MMcMahon
How can Chyna be No 30?!?
Cole
The Rattlesnake has struck again.
MMcMahon
Austin will pay for this, I tell you that!
[Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.]
Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble!
I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again!
MMcMahon
And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin.
[The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.]
Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here!
Michael Cole
Hey!
MMcMahon
[surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you?
AAustin
[on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch!
MMcMahon
You're— you're up where? Where are you?
MMcMahon
Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?"
Cole
[deadpan] I doubt it.
AAustin
[grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania.
Cole
What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan—
MMcMahon
Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania?
AAustin
No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion!
MMcMahon
Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas...
Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim]
MMcMahon
...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying?
AAustin
Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin]
Cole
[overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin!
[McMahon reacts with a gulp.]
[Outside Jeff Jarrett's locker room, where a contract for an Intercontinental Title match is taped to the door]
Chyna, I need a favor. You got a pen? I need a pen.
All right, come here. Stay right here, don't let anybody sign this, I'll be right back, I've gotta find a pen.
[as Billy walks away] Hey, that...that must be Jeff Jarrett's contract.
Looks like Mr. Ass wants a piece of Jeff Jarrett, he wants to sign that contract.
Michael Cole
Look! Chyna's got a pen!
Cole
[as Chyna signs and runs away] She's signing the open contract to meet Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship!
Michael Cole
Rock, based on your actions of earlier tonight, Shane and Stephanie have placed you inside a steel cage against Chris Benoit. [crowd chants Rocky!]
Finally, The Rock has come back to Springfield! Shane and Stephanie, you think The Rock was just gonna sit here in the back and not reacquaint The Big Show and Triple H with their old friend, the Rock Bottom? You think The Rock was gonna do that, and did you think for one single solitary second that you solved all your problems by placing The Rock inside of a steel cage against Chris Benoit? Well The Rock says this, tonight, make no mistake about it. The Rock likes the steel cage. The Rock loves the steel cage. And The Rock says this. The Rock says this. The Rock has no hidden agenda. The Rock's agenda is open for the world to see. The Rock hides nothing, unlike you, Shane, Stephanie, Big Show, all of ya! The Rock realizes you probably got a hidden agenda for tonight's match. The Rock realizes that. But make no mistake about it, The Rock has nothing to hide. The only thing that The Rock is gonna hide tonight is The Rock's boot turned sideways, straight up Chris Benoit's candyass! If ya smell...what The Rock is cookin'!
Man that's gonna be a war right here live tonight inside the steel cage, The Rock and Chris Benoit.
Well, I suppose congratulations are in order for the WCW/ECW Alliance, for their victory at Invasion. I'd like to remind The Alliance, however, that victory was but one battle. I'm confident that we here in the World Wrestling Federation will win many battles and ultimately win the war.
MMcMahon
However I admit the stealing of Stone Cold Steve Austin was like dropping an atomic bomb. But then again, if it's nuclear warfare you want, it's nuclear warfare you're gonna get. Because tonight, I'm gonna drop a little bomb of my own. You see tonight, I'm gonna do something I should've done a long time ago. Tonight, I'm gonna lift the suspension of a certain WWF superstar.
Michael Cole
Uh-oh.
MMcMahon
Tonight, tonight I'm gonna reinstate a certain WWF superstar. Tonight, I'm gonna reinstate The Rock!
Cole
Yeah! All right!
Listen to that ovation for The Rock!
MMcMahon
I know, I know that just because, just because I wanna reinstate The Rock, I know that doesn't necessarily mean The Rock will come back to the WWF and come back to action. Because if The Rock, if The Rock chooses to come back to action, he does so not because of Vince McMahon, but in spite of him. But knowing that, Rock, I've got a challenge for you, Rock. You've never backed down from a challenge before, so here goes. You know Rock, should you decide to come back to the WWF, I've gotta wonder, Rock, can you still bring it? I've gotta wonder Rock, whether you can still layeth the smackdown. And Rock can you still raise the people's eyebrow, Rock? And, and drop the People's Elbow, can you do that Rock? Rock let me ask you, Rock do you still consider yourself the people's champion? Rock are you still worthy of being called the most elecrifying man in sports entertainment today? If you are Rock, then listen to me. Listen to me damn it, Rock, I know, I know you're watching this tonight. Now wait a minute. Don't listen to me. Listen Rock, in Buffalo, New York, Rock, Rock! They're chanting your name! They're chanting your name Rock! Can you hear it Rock? Can you hear it?! Well Rock, on behalf of the millions, AND MILLIONS, of your Rock's fans, Rock come back! Come back Rock, because once again, we want to smellalalalalala, what The Rock is cookin'!
Michael Cole
Last night at Unforgiven, you successfully defended your WCW title, but no rest for the weary, because tonight you will defend that title, yet again, this time against Rob Van Dam.
Finally, The Rock has come back to Columbus! [crowd cheers] You see, last night was a very special night for The Rock. Handicap match, The Rock, Booker T, Shane O'Mac, The Rock walked in to Unforgiven the WCW Champion, The Rock walked out Unforgiven the WCW Champion! [crowd cheers] But tonight is a very special night as well. You see, tonight will mark the first time, FIRST TIME, The Rock will defend his WCW title against Rob Van Dam. But that's not the only reason why tonight is a very special night. You see, on this night, 25 years ago, from the testicles of Vince McMahon himself, came something so terrifying! So horrifying, it sends chills up and down men's bodies all over the world! Tonight marks the birth of one Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. And you know, Stephanie, a word of warning. The Rock knows that you like to get involved in all The Alliance matches. So if you decide to get involved in The Rock's match tonight, Stephanie, The Rock - [The Rock looks off-screen for several seconds as the crowd cheers] Stephanie if you decide to get involved in The Rock's match tonight, then just like the doctor did 25 years ago when he held your little baby body up and wiped all the afterbirth goo from your body, The Rock will take the back of the people's hand and slap that million dollar candy ass! [crowd cheers] But you see, Stephanie, don't get The Rock wrong, The Rock is happy it's your birthday. As a matter of fact, The Rock wants to help you celebrate this very joyous occasion. So Stephanie, allow The Rock to sing you a very special birthday song. [singsong] Happy Birthday to Steph, you're a hoe with big breasts, so take the night off from hooking, if you smell what The Rock is cooking!
Ladies and gentlemen, the former World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho! [Chris Jericho angrily looks at Lilian]
What happened last night at Cyber Sunday was the biggest screwjob in WWE history. Mike Adamle wanted Batista to be the champion, so he did everything in his power to make it happen, and all of you were happy to oblige him! You voted in Stone Cold Steve Austin, you couldn't picked an un, more biased referee in the entire planet! Austin changed the rules in the middle of this match. He put his hands on me repeatedly, he tried to bully me, he tried to intimidate me, and worst of all, he didn't count to three when I had the match won, and now as a result, Batista is the new World Heavyweight Champion. [crowd cheers, then chants "you suck"] If I was Batista, I would be embarrassed to call myself a champion. I would be ashamed to call myself a champion. Because Batista did not beat Chris Jericho. No, no. It took an entire army to beat me, from Batista to Michaels to Steve Austin to Mike Adamle to every single one of you hypocrites here tonight. You were all involved in this conspiracy against me. And now Mike Adamle wants to make a tag team match for the main event tonight. That's fine, I am DYING to get my hands on Shawn Michaels and Batista again tonight. But I'll tell you something else. That's not good enough. I need more. I need more. And I have a championship rematch clause and I will use it next week. Next week, I will beat Batista and regain what's mine and once again be the World Heavyweight Champion, and there is nothing that any one of you can do about this. [Mike Adamle's music hits]
Oh man! Jericho is a bitter, sour former champion! [Mike Adamle comes out]
Michael Cole
Our general manager, Mike Adamle.
MAMike Adamle
Chris, I need you to hang on a second. I just want to tell you a little something right now. In order to ensure that there's no outside interference in that championship match against Batista, I have decided to make it a steel cage match.
[one night after Shawn Michaels cost the Undertaker the World Heavyweight Championship at Elimination Chamber]
I am not going to take up a lot of your time tonight, because my explanation for my actions last night really isn't all that complicated. I did what I had to do, I did what I needed to do. Now I understand that what I've done isn't really all that popular with many of you but, that is something that I am willing to live with. And I've heard the, the rumors about the Undertaker possibly being here tonight and I also understand that for every action, there must be a reaction. With regard to the Undertaker, I'm not just hoping for a reaction. I'm counting on it. Because there is absolutely no one that can possib -- [The Undertaker's music hits]
Ask and you shall receive. You all wondered if the Undertaker would be here. Now we know. [The Undertaker comes out]
Michael Cole
Cut the tension with a knife.
You wanted my attention? Now you have it.
Last year, people said we had the greatest match in WrestleMania history. Some people even said it was the greatest match ever. As flattering as that is, you have to understand, I wrestled a perfect match. I, I nearly wrestled a perfect match. I made one mistake, ONE MISTAKE, and it cost me everything. You better, than anybody should know that's something I cannot live with. I asked you, I, I begged you for a rematch, but you refused. You ignored me. You didn't leave me any choice, and that's why I cost you the World Heavyweight Championship. I know you're angry at me. I know as you stand there, you can't wait to get your hands on me. And that's okay. You want your revenge. Face me at WrestleMania, Undertaker, and get your revenge.
You're on. I accept. [Shawn prepares to leave the ring] ...on one condition. This year, you have to put up something as well. Your soul...this year won't be enough. If you defeat me, you end the streak. But, if I beat you, your career is over. That's it, Shawn. The streak versus your career.
You don't get it. If I can't beat you at WrestleMania, I have no career. You're on.
"WrestleMania moments" are what most everybody in the locker room always talks about, everybody wants their WrestleMania moment. But last week, I had myself a Raw moment; it was a Raw moment that was bigger than most people's WrestleMania moments. But before I get into why I did exactly what I did to the Rock, I wanna shed some light on something. I want to bring to your attention the way Raw 1,000 went off the air, I was uncomfortable with. I...it left a bad taste in my mouth. The way the 1,000th episode of Raw went off the air was with Jerry Lawler saying, and I quote, "CM Punk has turned his back on the WWE Universe."
[He turns and looks right at Jerry. He leaves the ring and sits on the announcers' table looking right at him.]
Michael Cole
Cat got your tongue, King? You did say that.
I don't get it, Jerry. I mean, I'm used to really bad, overly dramatic hyperbole on commentary, but...that was horrible, even for you. How do you jump to such a conclusion? I mean, if anything, it was you who turned your back on me because the last time I checked, the Rock was not the WWE Universe. The Rock is one single, solitary man. He's a larger-than-life, extremely charismatic...delusional movie star who came in and showed me, [holds up the WWE Championship] the WWE Champion, an incredible lack of respect.
First off, he interrupted me, which is something nobody should ever do. He interrupted me, and when he went into his little tired shtick with Daniel Bryan, he acted as if I wasn't even in the ring. I was almost invisible to him. And then when he does what I can only imagine in his brain is lowering himself to talk to me, he tells me that he's been gifted with a championship match at the Royal Rumble, and he acts as if he's just going to take my championship from me? The respect he didn't show me, I showed him right then and there because he's lucky I didn't drop him on the spot. He...he's fortunate that I didn't hurt him right then and there. And then at the end of the night, Dwayne does what Dwayne does best, and he tries to make the show all about him. He tries to make Raw's 1,000th episode all about him. And that's exactly when I showed him the kind of man he's dealing with, come Royal Rumble. 'Cause this is not a popularity contest, this is not ballet, this is the WWE and I am its Champion. You understand me, Jerry?
And what's the Rock's response been? We haven't heard from him in a week, which is funny to a guy like me because when he was battling with John Cena, you couldn't shut him up. But now...now the Rock has found his silence, and I know what that means. So when it comes to you and your little agenda, however you wanna spin, however you wanna spin it, you can say what I did or didn't do to John Cena, the 1,000th episode of Monday Night Raw ended the exact way every episode of Monday Night Raw should end—with the focus and the attention and the spotlight on the WWE Champion, [holds up the title again] the best wrestler in the world.
MThe Miz
You know, he can make all the excuses in the world, but let's face it—Heath Slater needs to start turning his career around. Now Zack Ryder, on the other hand, look at him. This guy does everything, he goes above and beyond. Social media guru—this guy is on YouTube with his Z! True Long Island Story, he's on Facebook, he's on Twitter, he's interactive with his WWE Universe, and that's why they love him so much.
Michael Cole
Yeah, well, what about Heath Slater? Come on, he's the "One Man Band!"
MThe Miz
I got a song he can cover. How about Beck's "Loser"?
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
