Vince McMahonAt this time, obviously conspicuous by his absence, is the “Macho Man” Randy Savage. And I’d like to announce, unfortunately, that Randy Savage has been unable to sign a contract with the World Wrestling Federation—not unable to, rather to come to terms with the World Wrestling Federation for a new contract. But Randy, I know you’re out there listening, and on behalf of all us here in the World Wrestling Federation, all of your fans, and certainly me, the number one fan, I’d like to say thank you for all of your positive contributions to the World Wrestling Federation. Thank you, Randy Savage, for all the wonderful memories for so many years here in the World Wrestling Federation. We wish you nothing but the best. God speed, and good luck.
Vince McMahon
It has been said that anything can happen here in the World Wrestling Federation, but now more than ever, truer words have never been spoken. This is a conscious effort on our part to "Open the Creative Envelope", so to speak, in order to entertain you in a more contemporary manner. Even though we call ourselves "sports entertainment" because of the athleticism involved, the key word in that phrase is "entertainment". The WWF extends far beyond the strict confines of sports presentation into the wide open environment of broad-based entertainment. We borrow from such program niches like soap operas like The Days of our Lives, or music videos such as those on MTV, daytime talk-shows like Jerry Springer and others, cartoons like The King of the Hill on Fox, sitcoms like Seinfeld, and other widely accepted forms of television entertainment. We in the WWF think that you, the audience, are quite frankly tired of having your intelligence insulted. We also think that you're tired of the same old simplistic theory of "good guys vs. bad guys". Surely the era of "The superhero who urge you to say your prayers and take your vitamins" is definitely passe. Therefore, we've embarked upon a far more innovative and contemporary creative campaign that is far more invigorating and extemporaneous than ever before. However, due to the live nature of Raw and The War Zone, we encourage some degree of parental discretion as it relates to the younger audience allowed to stay up late. Other WWF programs on USA such as Saturday Morning LiveWire and Sunday Morning Superstars, where there is a 40% increase in the younger audience, obviously however need no such discretion. We are responsible television producers who work hard to bring you this outrageous, wacky, wonderful world known as the WWF. Through some 50 years, the World Wrestling Federation has been an entertainment mainstay here in North America and all over the world. One of the reasons for that longevity is as the times have changed, so have we. I am happy to say that this new vibrant, creative direction has resulted in a huge increase in television viewership, for which we thank USA Network and TSN for allowing us to have the creative freedom, but most especially we would like to thank you for watching. Raw and the War Zone are definitely the cure for the common show.
[Vince McMahon and the stooges come back to the ring after Austin accepts his apology over the mauling the previous week and arrest]
Vince McMahon
I hope you've had some fun here tonight, Austin. Hope you're real proud of yourself of what you've accomplished. How dare you have me arrested in public like a common criminal! And pour beer down the back of my neck, and then place conditions upon my release, a condition of apology WHICH I DID NOT MEAN!!! and yet, another condition that should someone interfere to stand guard while I officiate the match at the pay-per-view this Sunday to ensure that I call the match fair and square, I accept that condition too and I'll tell you why, because other than Godzilla recently being released, there isn't one WWF superstar on the roster that can intimidate me, not one!
[Mick Foley has called out Mr McMahon over their failure to take down Stone Cold Steve Austin at Over the Edge and also expressed how good it was to bash him with a steel chair]
Vince McMahon
Why don't you do it again? Why don't you do it right now [points to chair] There's the chair. Come on, come on, [as Mick picks up and they go around the ring] make my day Dude, come on... Come on, HIT ME! Come on, hit me with the chair, come on, blast me - and just think about that college education, that college fund you've got for your kids, going ppft right in the air! Come on, come on dude, hit me! Come on, what about that new house you just moved into, huh? What about it? You know the one, the 20-year mortgage? TWENTY YEARS!! Hit me, come on hit me with the chair! What about that little fund you got set aside, for your parents, you know the one! You'd go through that in no time at all. Come on, Dude, come on Dude... Hit me, Dude. [Mick Foley sits down as Vince's taunts hit a raw nerve] COME ON, HAVE SOME GUTS FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, COME ON, HIT ME WITH THE BLOODY CHAIR!! COME ON! Let me tell you something: the only reason I haven't fired Stone Cold Steve Austin is because he makes me richer! You know what you make me, Dude? [closer to Mick's face] All you do, is make me SICK! So I'll tell you what... your services in the World Wrestling Federation are no longer required. [later starts dancing as Dude Love music airs then leaves the ring]
[all WWF Superstars are assembled in and around the ring for an address from Mr. McMahon]
Vince McMahon
May I have your attention, please?! [crowd chants "Asshole!"] May I have your attention? I have a very important announcement to make as relates to the World Wrestling Federation Championship. As a result of an individual who is no longer gainfully employed here in the World Wrestling Federation, we have no World Wrestling Federation champion, as we speak. However, I assure you, that on the night of November 15 at the Survivor Series—as a matter of fact, I guarantee you... oh oh, there goes that word again: I guarantee you! Nonetheless, I guarantee you that on November 15 at the end of that evening we will have an undisputed WWF Champion, because on that night, at the Survivor Series, 16 WWF Superstars will compete in a one-night tournament to determine just who will be the next undisputed WWF Champion.
Vince McMahon
[narrating] Last night, a tragic accident took the life of Owen Hart. He was 34. There are no words that can express the profound sorrow felt today by so many of us who knew and loved this very special human being. Fans throughout the world shared a small portion of Owen's life through his various ring personas, but to know Owen Hart, the human being was pure joy. Owen loved this business and loved to entertain both in it, and out of the ring. He was a consummate performer, and a legendary prankster. In the extended family of professional wrestlers, respect does not come easily, and is not taken lightly. Owen Hart had that respect. He was more than just one of the boys. Owen Hart was a friend and a brother to all. Our locker room and our lives will never ever be the same again. A loving son, brother, uncle, husband, and father. Owen is survived by his wife Martha, his son Oje, and daughter Athena. Our prayers go out to them and the entire Hart family. With heavy hearts and the deepest of sympathies to his family, we say goodbye. If the legacy of a man's life is measured by the lives he's touched, and how much he is loved, then a big piece of Owen Hart will live on in all of us.
[cold opening]
Vince McMahon
[points to monitors] Well now here's the WWF, and here's WCW, there's Jeff Jarrett, and here we have the owner of the World Wrestling Federation - and now the owner of WCW. That's right, I, Vince McMahon, I have purchased - I own, my own competition and tonight, I have the ability to address WWF fans as to what this means. I have the ability to address WCW stars as to what this means to them, and yes, I have the ability to address WCW fans to what this actually means to them as well. Tonight, at the right time, there will be a special simulcast, and let me say for sure, [puts up index finger] one man will make history, [thumbs up at himself] and that's me. Vince McMahon. Now, as far as the Jeff Jarretts of the world are concerned, you know how Jeff spells his name "that's J-E-double-F"? Well, you know what hmm I would suspect that we'd spell it a different way after tonight, that would be "capital G, double-O, double-N, double-E... GONE"!
[Vince McMahon calls his lawyers and makes his rage known over how Shane swept in for the WCW sale]
Vince McMahon
Do you attorneys just SHUT UP?!?! You listen to me, dammit! Look I don't care what I said, I don't give a damn what - how could you let that happen? How could you just [smashes glass] how could you possibly let that happen?!?! HUH?? You son of a bitch! You good for nothing! You ruined this whole damned thing!
Vince McMahon
Good evening. Based upon the fact that last week, The Undertaker defended the Undisputed Championship against Jeff Hardy on Raw and against Kurt Angle on SmackDown!, I have taken the liberty of giving The Undertaker a well-deserved night off. Furthermore, The Undertaker is preparing to welcome The Rock back to SmackDown! this Thursday night. However due to the controversy surrounding the Kurt Angle versus Undertaker match, the highlights of which you've just witnessed, and in the interest of fairness, the main event at Vengeance will now be Kurt Angle versus The Rock versus The Undertaker in a Triple Threat matchup for the Undisputed WWE Championship. Thank you.
Vince McMahon
Eddie Guerrero has passed away. Eddie was in the prime of his life, 38 years old, the prime of his career. So tonight, we celebrate the life of Eddie Guerrero. Eddie Guerrero loved this business. He loved it, he had a passion for it like no one else. Eddie loved to perform more than anything else, whether he was booed or whether he was cheered, he loved to perform for all of you. Eddie's goal every night, Eddie's goal every night was to steal the show. So tonight there's no doubt in anyone's mind that Eddie would want the show to go on and, so it shall tonight as we pay tribute to the memory of Eddie Guerrero. At this time, I would ask you all to stand in silence as we toll the bell 10 times, after which, there'll be a special video presentation. So if you would all please stand. Thank you.
Vince McMahon
Good evening. Tonight, this arena here in Corpus Christi, Texas, was to have been filled to capacity with enthusiastic WWE fans. Tonight’s storyline was to have been the alleged demise of my character, Mr. McMahon. However, in reality, WWE Superstar Chris Benoit, his wife Nancy, and their son Daniel, are dead. Their bodies were discovered this afternoon in their new, suburban Atlanta home. The authorities are undergoing an investigation. We here in the WWE can only offer our condolences to the extended family of Chris Benoit, and the only other thing we can do at this moment is, tonight, pay tribute to Chris Benoit. We will offer you some of the most memorable moments in Chris’ professional life, and you will hear, tonight, comments from his peers; those here – his fellow performers – those here who loved Chris and admired him so much. So tonight will be a three-hour tribute to one of the greatest WWE superstars of all time. Tonight will be a tribute to Chris Benoit.
[after Goldust walks out on Razor Ramon during their Intercontinental Championship match, getting himself counted out but keeping his title]
Razor Ramon [taking a microphone]: Hey yo! Cut the music! [his music stops] Everybody, listen...to me. Goldust...I don't want your belt. I want...your ass!
[the crowd cheers]
Vince McMahon
Well, we said it was RAW!
RRazor
You know...I've been hearing so much about...the return, of the "great one"; the legend from the glory days is back. He's our new president, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper.
He's been knocked senseless, McMahon.
RRazor
Well Piper, I heard you say one time...that you got six kids. And that makes you "Hot Rod". "Well, Razor...Razor, he loves the little kids." I love the kids, and Piper, you like me, you from the streets - different neighborhoods, same streets. I don't want my kids watching this kind of stuff on TV!
[the crowd cheers again]
What's he saying, McMahon??
RRazor
So Piper, the only thing missing, chico...is make a match! I want Goldust, anywhere, anytime! And Goldust! And Goldust, everybody knows...that you want me! You think I'm sexy? You think I'm hot? You right! So Piper, ooh, Roddy "Rowdy" Piper...okay, big shot, I challenge you, you the, uh...matchmaker...make me a match. Goldust, let's have a date. YEAH!!
Vince
Razor Ramon, ladies and gentlemen, obviously wants a rematch, with Goldust, and I'm not too sure that he's overly concerned with the title!
Vince McMahon
Alright, standing by, a very unhappy Ted DiBiase. Mr. DiBiase, you're not very happy at all with the latest turn of events, are you?
TDTed DiBiase
[with Stone Cold Steve Austin] No, I'm not happy at all, McMahon. To say that Savio Vega's victory last night was a fluke, is an understatement. I mean, the lights were out. Who knows how many times Savio Vega touched the turnbuckles. What I'm saying is, there's no way on his best day Savio Vega defeats Stone Cold Steve Austin...
Vince
Well, you were counting on Savio being your chauffeur; that did not happen, and Savio Vega was victorious. Now, the rematch has been signed for tomorrow night, and again, it's going to be a Caribbean Strap match, and I would suggest that you still want Savio to...well, that provision, you still want to challenge him, do you?
TTed
I want to sweeten the pie, McMahon.
Vince
Sweeten the pie?
TTed
Savio Vega, you keep that stipulation in there, 'cause you're gonna be my chauffeur. And I'll tell you what. I'm so confident that this man is gonna beat you tomorrow night that I'll put a stipulation in there. If Steve Austin, if Stone Cold Steve Austin doesn't beat you tomorrow night, Savio Vega, the "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase will forfeit his career! I will leave the World Wrestling Federation! Did you hear me, McMahon?! Did you hear me, Vega?! I will leave the World Wrestling Federation!
[Brian Pillman is being interviewed by Vince McMahon and Kevin Kelly at the Pillman house while Stone Cold Steve Austin is out looking for him]
Vince McMahon
Notwithstanding the bravado, do you feel like a hostage? Do you feel like a hostage in your own home?
BPBrian Pillman
Hah. Steve is a dead man walking, because when Austin 3:16 meets Pillman [draws and slides pistol on camera to everybody's shock] nine-millimeter Glock...
KKKevin Kelly
Oh my God, oh my God!
PPillman
...I'm gonna blast his sorry ass straight to hell!!
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
