Chris JerichoYeah, congratulations. Way to go, Punk, way to go. Congratulations on your big win. You need to enjoy them while you can. You see, you can smirk if you want to, but I see straight through you. When I look at you, I see a fraud. And I'm not talking about the fact that you call yourself the best in the world, I'm talking about you as a person. Because I did a little research this week, Punk, and I found something, a little deep, dirty, dark secret about you. You've been straight edge ever since you came to the WWE, but you've never explained the reasons why. I wanna tell all of these wannabes why you're straight edge. I wanna tell them that you're straight edge because your father is an alcoholic.
Yeah, that's right. Your father was an alcoholic who let you down every step of the way when you were growing up, and it terrifies you. You don't want to end up like him. But it's inevitable that you will, because alcohol is in your blood, it's in your genes, it's part of who you are, and that tortures you. I know you've built this facade, this wall that you're a sarcastic antihero with not a care in the world, but I think I've found something that you care about. I've found something that gives you nightmares, something that terrifies you.
And isn't it ironic that the very alcohol that you crave is the same thing that ruined your childhood? Oh, the nightmares you must have about your father; I almost feel bad for you, Punk. Is that the reason why you have all those tattoos? Was the pain of wanting to drink so bad that you needed the pain of a tattoo needle to take it out of your mind? Was that your only solace?
It doesn't matter if it is, Punk, because you are going to drink eventually, and I'm the one who is going to make you drink. At WrestleMania XXVIII, I'm going to take away your title, I'm gonna take away your claims of being the best in the world, I'm gonna take away your bravado, and I'm gonna leave you a broken man. You're gonna hit bottom, Punk, and when you do, you're going to embrace your destiny, and you're gonna take a drink. And it's gonna taste so good that you're gonna wanna take another one, and another one, and another one. After April 1st, I'm gonna be recognized for who I am—the undisputed best in the world and the new WWE Champion. And you're gonna be recognized for who you are, who your father was—a pathetic damn drunk!
Chris Jericho
Welcome to Raw Is Jericho! And I am the new millennium for the World Wrestling Federation. Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Chris Jericho, your new hero, your party host, and most importantly, the most charismatic showman to ever enter your living rooms via a television screen. And for those of you who DO know me, well, all hail the Ayatollah of Rock and Roll-a!
Now when you think of the new millennium, you think of an event so gigantic that it changes the course of history. You think of a dawning of a new era. In this case, the dawning of a new era in the WWF. Thank you, thank you. And a new era is what this once proud and profitable company sorely needs. What was once a captivating, trend-setting program has now deteriorated into a cliched, let's be honest, boring snoozefest that is in dire need of a knight in shining armor, and that's why I'm here. Chris Jericho has come to save the WWF!
Now let's go over the facts. Television ratings, downward spiral; pay-per-view buy-rates, plummeting; mainstream acceptance, non-existent; and reactions of the live crowds, complete and utter silence. And I know why you're silent! You're silent because you're embarrassed to be here. And quite honestly, I'm embarrassed for you. And the reason why you're embarrassed is because of the steady stream of uninteresting, untalented, mediocre "sports entertainers" who you're forced to cheer for and care for. No wonder you're not cheering! You could care less about every single idiot in that dressing room, [indicating The Rock] and especially this idiot in the center of the ring. You people have been led to believe that mediocrity is excellence. Uh-uh. Jericho is excellence. And now for the first time in WWF history, you have a man who can entertain you. You have a man who is good enough for you. You have a man who can make you jump up off your chairs, raise your filthy fat little hands in the air and scream "Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go! Go Jericho go!" Thank you.
The new millennium has arrived in the WWF, and now that the Y2J problem is here, this company—from the front-office idiots to all the amateurs in the dressing room, including this one, to everybody watching tonight—will never, eeee-ee-eh-ever be the same a-gain!
...After three boring minutes, The Rock says, "Know Your Role, AND SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" How dare you little jabroni come on The Rock Show, and not even have the class to introduce yourself. What is your name?
Chris Jericho
I told you--
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS! The Rock says you talk about your Y2J plan? Well, The Rock has a plan of his own, and it's called the K-Y Jelly plan. Which...which means The Rock is gonna lube his size 13 boot real good. Turn that sumbitch sideways, and STICK it straight up your candy ass! If you smelllll...what The Rock...is cooking.
[John Cena has successfully defended the WWE Championship against Chris Jericho in a You're Fired match, meaning Jericho is fired]
Chris, forget about all that. Because...YOU SON OF A BITCH! YOU'RE FIRED!
You had a job to do, damn it, and you didn't get it done! [Jericho pleads for his job]
Chris Jericho
Give me another chance! I got a plan, he'll be fired! I mean come on! Don't fire me, come on Eric! Come on, we're buddies! We're friends, give me another chance! You know I can do it! Give me another chance! Please Eric!
YOU'RE FIRED! YOU HEAR ME?!
Jericho
NO!
GET OUT OF MY RING! OUT OF MY RING! [Jericho gets on his knees and begs for his job] I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU, YOUR WIFE, OR YOUR DAMN KID! NOW GET OUT OF MY RING!
Jericho
Bitch you don't fire me!
I just did! Security, get him out of here!
Jericho
[security comes to the ring] Don't fire me! Don't fire me, Mr. Bischoff! Please I can do this! No!
Get him out of here! NOW! GET OUT OF MY RING DAMN IT! YOU ARE DONE! FINISHED! GET HIM OUT OF MY RING! [the security officers grab Jericho as he grabs Bischoff's leg]
Jericho begging for his job. He's holding on to, he's holding on to Bischoff's leg, begging to keep his job.
I'd never thought I'd see Jericho beg on his knees like this!
I would never do anything like what Chris Jericho is doing right now. Jericho deserves to be fired. When you don't get the job done. [the security drags Jericho away from the ring]
They're dragging him out of Raw!
Hey, he had an opportunity. He didn't come through for the boss, thus, he's out of here. [the security carries Jericho as he screams] Chris Jericho is done.
They're carrying him out!
Jericho being bodily carried out of this ring. Chris Jericho has been fired. Chris Jericho is done.
[Chris Jericho has invited The "Heartbreak Kid", Shawn Michaels, onto his 'Highlight Reel' show. The fans have started an "HBK" chant]
Chris Jericho
HBK, I wanna thank you for coming onto the Highlight Reel tonight. It's obvious from your body language that it's not easy; you look like you're still feeling the effects from the beating you took at One Night Stand in the stretcher match. But those effects would be felt by anybody; you put on such a gutsy performance, Shawn, I mean, you showed so much heart, so much courage, you should be proud of yourself, and, I-I was - I was proud of you too, as a matter of fact, even though you lost that match, all of our fans around the world and even here tonight, they still love you! [the crowd cheers]
I, uh...I appreciate all the kind words, but, um...you got a question in any of this?
Jericho
Yes, I do have a question, I'm gonna get to that, but first I wanna make a little observation. I mean, like we just heard, obviously our fans, they love you no matter what it is you do. [to the cheering fans] No matter what, right? Case in point, you feigned a knee injury for almost a month, you blatantly lied about it to me, you lied to Batista-
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now...that might be splitting hairs here, but I was very clear about the fact that I was gonna do whatever it took to win...and I did that. I didn't lie to Batista, I didn't lie to the people. Technically, the only person I lied to was...you.
Jericho
All right, fair enough, I'll...I'll take that. Touché. Regardless of all that, when you finally admitted the truth and super-kicked me right in the face, you got cheered more than ever. I mean, it's... [off the cheers] see? I mean, I'm adored by the fans as well, but not even I could get away with that one. And when I pointed out your fabrication of the truth, suddenly I got booed. I mean...[the crowd boos] see? You pull a fast one on 'em and they adore you, and yet whenever I try to do the right thing, whether it be tell the truth or not hit you with a chair, not hit JBL with a chair, I got booed! You know, uh...it seems like our fans, even the ones here, would rather boo an honest man and cheer for you, I mean, it doesn't take much to get them to start chanting, "HBK". You know, it's..."HBK, HBK"! [the crowd chants "HBK" again] So that brings us to my question, and my question is this: how does Shawn Michaels, HBK, one of the greatest performers of all time and one of the most highly-decorated superstars in the history of this business, turn into such a lying, cheating, pathetic little worm of a human being? [the crowd boos again as suddenly Jericho attacks Michaels]
Oh! And Jericho, assaulting Michaels!
Jerry "The King" Lawler [as Michaels tackles Jericho and fights back]: Whoa!
JJim
And the fireworks! Michaels and Jericho, overt physicality here on Monday Night Raw!
[Jericho then kicks Michaels in the groin]
JJim
The obvious low blow, stopping Michaels dead in his tracks!
[Michaels tries to get up but Jericho shoves him back down to the canvas]
Jericho
You wanna lie to me? This is just what you're gonna see, buddy. This is all... [as Michaels writhes] this is all your fault. This is what you wanna do? You started all this, and now you're gonna start it again. [stands Michaels up] The worst is yet to come.
[throws Michaels face-first into his Jeri-tron 5000 monitor, shattering it]
[Michaels groans in pain on the canvas as Jericho stares at him among the crowd's boos before leaving]
Ladies and gentlemen, the former World Heavyweight Champion, Chris Jericho! [Chris Jericho angrily looks at Lilian]
Chris Jericho
What happened last night at Cyber Sunday was the biggest screwjob in WWE history. Mike Adamle wanted Batista to be the champion, so he did everything in his power to make it happen, and all of you were happy to oblige him! You voted in Stone Cold Steve Austin, you couldn't picked an un, more biased referee in the entire planet! Austin changed the rules in the middle of this match. He put his hands on me repeatedly, he tried to bully me, he tried to intimidate me, and worst of all, he didn't count to three when I had the match won, and now as a result, Batista is the new World Heavyweight Champion. [crowd cheers, then chants "you suck"] If I was Batista, I would be embarrassed to call myself a champion. I would be ashamed to call myself a champion. Because Batista did not beat Chris Jericho. No, no. It took an entire army to beat me, from Batista to Michaels to Steve Austin to Mike Adamle to every single one of you hypocrites here tonight. You were all involved in this conspiracy against me. And now Mike Adamle wants to make a tag team match for the main event tonight. That's fine, I am DYING to get my hands on Shawn Michaels and Batista again tonight. But I'll tell you something else. That's not good enough. I need more. I need more. And I have a championship rematch clause and I will use it next week. Next week, I will beat Batista and regain what's mine and once again be the World Heavyweight Champion, and there is nothing that any one of you can do about this. [Mike Adamle's music hits]
Oh man! Jericho is a bitter, sour former champion! [Mike Adamle comes out]
Our general manager, Mike Adamle.
MAMike Adamle
Chris, I need you to hang on a second. I just want to tell you a little something right now. In order to ensure that there's no outside interference in that championship match against Batista, I have decided to make it a steel cage match.
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
