[A cement truck appears.]
Jerry LawlerWhat is that?
Jerry Lawler
It's a cement truck, and it's Stone Cold Steve Austin driving it.
Oh my. Stone Cold Steve Austin is in the building.
Jerry Lawler
What is that idiot doing? We've seen him driving a Zamboni, now he's driving around a cement truck?
Oh folks, this is going to get real interesting. The Rattlesnake is here. Is that going to make Mr. McMahon happy or not? We'll find out next.
[Steve Austin is driving a cement truck toward Vince McMahon's Corvette.]
Jerry Lawler
I knew it JR. He's trying to drive it right in here, then get ready to run. He'll run over us.
Wait a minute, there's...
Lawler
Hey, wait a minute, don't run over Mr. McMahon's Corvette.
I don't think he's... [sees Austin setting up the mixer's metal trough on the car] it doesn't look like he's going to run over it.
Lawler
Wait a minute!
Oh my God, I don't believe this.
Lawler
You can't do that!
I do not believe this, ladies and gentlemen.
Lawler
Mr. McMahon! Mr. McMahon!
That's one of the Corvettes in Mr. McMahon's collection.
Lawler
That's a $50,000 car! No! J.R.! [cement mixture is poured into the car] NOOOO!
Oh my God! Oh my! Austin is loading McMahon's car with cement.
[watching it on the monitor] That's my Corvette!!!!
McMahon's car is being loaded with cement.
Lawler
Oh my God!
[The cement mix overflows, breaking the car's side and rear windows.]
McMahon's prized Corvette, one of his collection, is being destroyed by the Rattlesnake.
Lawler
NOOOO!
The Rattlesnake has struck. [Austin leaves cement truck] And it looks like... Austin is coming our way.
Lawler
Somebody call the cops!!!
Austin is heading our way. The Rattlesnake, will he be here next?
Lawler
911!
[During the No-Disqualification WWF Championship match]
DX and the Corporate Team are going at it!
Jerry "The King" Lawler
Look out! [Glass shatters] What?! Oh no!
Stone Cold is here! Stone Cold is here!
Lawler
Look out, Mr. McMahon! The Rattlesnake is here!
[Austin enters the ring and nails The Rock on the head with a chair]
Stone Cold with a chair! [Austin drapes Mankind on top of The Rock] He pulled Mankind on The Rock!
Lawler
[as Hebner counts] No! No! [Three count] Don't do it! [arena erupts]
TCTony Chimel
Here is your winner and the NEW World Wrestling Federation Champion: Mankind!
Lawler
[over the announcement] Oh my God, no!
Mankind did it! Mick Foley did it!
Lawler
No, Stone Cold did it!
Mankind has achieved his dream, and the dream of everyone else who's been told, "you can't do it"!
Lawler
No! You can't do it! You can't do this!
[Chyna appears as the last Corporate Rumble entry but Vince McMahon is distracted by Stone Cold Steve Austin]
Jerry Lawler
[sees Chyna] We got problems! Watch out, watch out [as Chyna rolls Vince over the top rope] WATCH OUT!!
[as Shane repeatedly screams NO! seeing Vince whiplashed and sprawled from the bottom rope] There goes the draw! Chyna wins the Corporate Rumble! Chyna is No 30 in the Royal Rumble!
Lawler
Mr McMahon has been eliminated by a woman!!
Austin made sure that he meets Mr McMahon first at the Rumble!
Austin you'll pay!!!! Austin you're gonna pay at the Rumble!
Steve Austin and Mr McMahon are gonna be one on one at the Rumble.
MMcMahon
I HATE HIM!!! I HATE HIM!!!
Mr McMahon is No 2. Stone Cold is No 1..
MMcMahon
How can Chyna be No 30?!?
The Rattlesnake has struck again.
MMcMahon
Austin will pay for this, I tell you that!
[Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.]
Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble!
Jerry "The King" Lawler
I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again!
MMcMahon
And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin.
Lawler
Good.
[The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.]
Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here!
Lawler
What?
MMcMahon
[surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you?
AAustin
[on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch!
MMcMahon
You're— you're up where? Where are you?
MMcMahon
Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?"
Lawler
Ha-hah! Yes!
AAustin
[grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania.
What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan—
MMcMahon
Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania?
AAustin
No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion!
Lawler
[confused] What?
MMcMahon
Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas...
Lawler
Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim]
MMcMahon
...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying?
AAustin
Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin]
Lawler
[shocked] What? What!?
[overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin!
[McMahon reacts with a gulp.]
[Vince McMahon, Shane McMahon, and the Rock have just been given a beer bath by Stone Cold Steve Austin]
Jerry Lawler
[seeing Vince totally drenched] Look at Mr McMahon. That's a $3,000 suit!
[During Undertaker's WWF Championship defense against the Big Show, Taker is caught in Big Show's chokeslam coming off the top rope]
The Undertaker's on top, he got caught at the hand of the Big Show.
Jerry Lawler
[as Big Show signals for the chokeslam] He said he was gonna do it- he's doing it!!
The chokeslam, [Undertaker breaks through the ring] oh-
Lawler and Ross: OH MY GOD!!!
Right through the ring!! The Big Show chokeslammed the Undertaker all the way to hell!
Lawler
What?
[as Earl Hebner calls for the bell] All the way through the ring! They're both down!!! The Big Show and the Undertaker are both down! [bell still rings as Big Show kicks Undertaker before leaving the hole] The match is over! The match has been stopped!
Lawler
What?
The ring has been destroyed...
Lawler
Look at that!
...by the damndest chokeslam I've ever seen!
[Outside Jeff Jarrett's locker room, where a contract for an Intercontinental Title match is taped to the door]
Chyna, I need a favor. You got a pen? I need a pen.
All right, come here. Stay right here, don't let anybody sign this, I'll be right back, I've gotta find a pen.
Jerry Lawler
[as Billy walks away] Hey, that...that must be Jeff Jarrett's contract.
Jerry
Looks like Mr. Ass wants a piece of Jeff Jarrett, he wants to sign that contract.
Jerry
What's she doing?!
[as Chyna signs and runs away] She's signing the open contract to meet Jeff Jarrett for the Intercontinental Championship!
[Big Boss Man has interrupted the ten-bell salute for Big Show's father]
BBBig Boss Man
Hold on just one minute!
What the hell does he want King?
Jerry Lawler
Well I have no idea.
BMBoss Man
How dare you start the grieving process without me? I've got feelings too! It pains me deeply to hear that the Big Show's dad has passed on. In fact it pains me so deeply I went out and bought a sympathy card, and I'd like to read it to you, if I could.
Lawler
Sympathy card?
The disingenuous... [Boss Man gets the card]
Lawler
This is not good.
BMBoss Man
Shut up and listen to me. With the deepest regrets, and tears that are soaked, I'm sorry to hear your dad finally croaked. He lived a full life on his own terms. Soon he'll be buried and eaten by worms. But if I could have a son as stupid as you, I'd have wished for cancer so I would die too. So be brave and be strong. Get your life on track. 'Cause the old bastard's dead and he ain't never coming back!
I am not believing what we are hearing here.
BMBoss Man
That's exactly how I feel about the Big Show's daddy being dead!
[JR and the King talk about the tag team championship match between Al Snow and Steve Blackman against the New Age Outlaws, but JR notices Al Snow going down to one section of the front row]
[sees Snow greet some people who just came down] Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Hey, wait a minute! My God, that's... that's Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, Perry Saturn, Dean Malenko!
Jerry "The King" Lawler
What are they doing here tonight?
JJim
What the hell is going on here? Those four guys... Well, King, we know it's all over the Internet they thumbed their noses at their last employer!
Jerry
Well, I know that. They walked out on that Ted Turner organization, but what are they doing here?
JJim
I know the WWF's been negotiating with those four superstars, but they've not signed any contracts that I'm aware of.
Jerry
Well, they haven't signed any contracts yet, so maybe they're just here to... They're just sitting at ringside, maybe they're here to get a bird's-eye view of the competition.
JJim
Well, all I'd say that's a pretty radical strategy on their part, wouldn't you think? It was radical enough that they walked out on their last employer because it was a lousy place to be, in their opinion.
Jerry
Well that was...
JJim
...and showing up here unannounced is nothing short of radical either.
[Triple H just asked Stephanie to steer clear of his WWF Championship No 1 contender match against Kurt Angle, but as Stephanie walks away, she surprisingly runs into Chris Benoit]
How's your head? [Stephanie gives him a hard slap]
Jerry Lawler
Whoa! [Benoit turns his head right but he snaps back like not feeling the pain]
Good God! [sees Benoit laughing as Steph walks away] and Benoit's smiling... oh my God!
[Triple H has seemingly saved Stone Cold Steve Austin, replacing The Rock as his tag team partner against Kurt Angle and Rikishi]
Stone Cold's got Rikishi. [Austin knocks Rikishi onto the apron] And Rikishi knocked to the apron with a right hand.
Jerry Lawler
Run, Kurt, run!
Triple H standing there and -- [Triple H suddenly hits Austin with a sledgehammer] MY GOD! OH MY GOD TRIPLE H JUST HIT AUSTIN IN THE FACE WITH A SLEDGEHAMMER!
Lawler
WHAT?! WHAT IS THIS?!
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
Lawler
I'm in shock and I don't know it -- what are you doing?!
The Game didn't come out here to help Austin! Triple H is putting on a black,
Lawler
Wait a minute.
A black glove, what is that?
Lawler
What does that mean? [Triple H sucker punches Austin]
In the head with a sledgehammer! [Triple H starts repeatedly punching Austin] And now The Game assaulting the Texas Rattlesnake!
Lawler
Look out! Look at this! Get help! Someone get out here!
My God in heaven! Why is this happening?! Triple H is beating the holy hell out of Stone Cold Steve Austin!
Lawler
I can't believe what I'm seeing!
Austin almost beheaded by that sledgehammer! And why in the hell is,
Lawler
Look out! [Triple H hits the referee]
Damn, Triple H just took out the referee!
Lawler
What is he doing? What is this about? What is this for?!
What the hell is the meaning of this?! Austin is, Austin is helpless! Austin got hit in the head with a sledgehammer! Why is The Game attempting to dis -- [Rikishi gets on the second rope] No! Don't do it! [Rikishi delivers a Banzai Drop on Austin] Oh! Right into Austin's heart! I swear to God that'll stop your heart! Right here in Texas, Austin has been destroyed by The Game, but why? Someone tell me why, damn it?! [Triple H hits Austin with a microphone]
Lawler
Oh!
Austin, your search is over. It's all, it's all over. Now you know, you dumb son of a bitch.
Lawler
Oh my God!
What the hell did he mean by that?!
Lawler
It was Triple H! It was Triple H!
In Austin, in Stone Cold's home state of Texas, in the home of WrestleMania, Stone Cold has been destroyed, has been left battered and bloodied and hammered at the hands of The Game and a sledgehammer!
Lawler
Is Triple H the accomplice?!
Why Triple H? You son of a bitch! WHY?! TELL ME WHY?!
KKKevin Kelly
Kurt, we saw what you did to The Rock on SmackDown! and we know your history together. Talk about where this hatred of The Rock comes from.
Kevin, I'm gonna tell you something I've never told a living soul before. When it comes to The Rock, I am jealous. It's true, I am. And why shouldn't I be? Do you have any idea what it's like to train for the Olympics? To put in years of your life for the privilege of honoring your country, representing the people, and then to defy the odds and actually bring home the gold, and then come here to the WWF, to a chorus of boos? While a guy like The Rock, a guy who couldn't and wouldn't represent his country, even if he wanted to, get standing ovations in every city across this country? It hurts. It hurts me right here. I am everything that The Rock is not. I'm kind, courteous, considerate, and yet he's the hero? Why is that, Kevin?
KKelly
Kurt, the reality is for whatever the reason, The Rock is the people's champion.
Kevin, let me ask you a question. You're a person, right? How's the people's champion treating you? Has your son asked you what a hermaphrodite is, huh?
Jerry Lawler
Oh!
Did your wife think it was especially sexy when The Rock made you conduct an interview with your finger up your nose? Let me ask you, Kevin, a man of the people, who will you be rooting for when I face The Rock this Sunday at No Way Out? That's all right, Kevin, you don't have to answer. Your face says it all. You know, it's funny. You talk about lack of respect. Everyone thinks that WrestleMania is set in stone. The fans, The Rock, even this company. After The Rock beats me, it'll be Stone Cold versus The Rock at WrestleMania. The biggest WrestleMania of all time. Well I've made a lifetime of proving people wrong. And I plan to do it again. One more time. I will beat The Rock this Sunday at No Way Out. I will prove without a shadow of a doubt that I am more athletic, more talented, and more deserving of the people's admiration. And after I defeat The Rock 1-2-3 in Las Vegas, I will finally win the people over. It's gonna be beautiful. The people will stand. They'll give me a standing ovation. And my dream of finally earning their respect will happen. They'll have no choice. You know, throughout my life, my dreams have a habit of becoming a reality. And Rock, the reality is, my days of being on top aren't numbered. Yours are. And that, Kevin, that, America, is true.
[Vince McMahon is not too pleased to see Ric Flair and demands an explanation]
The explanation that I'm gonna give you all revolves around the fact that I bet on a winner last night! Woooo!
What the hell are you talking about?
I sat home, wooo!! on the big side of town, in that big house, and I bet on a winner last night. But [to Kurt Angle] Kurt Angle, let me just say this to you. You're a man who's got an Olympic gold medal, you got a legacy, you're an ambassador, this is no way you want to win the World title. Be Kurt Angle, be the gold medal winner, and be a man that wins by beating the best man.
So you came down here 'cause its your hometown to give us your opinion. How nice, Mr Flair. Nice to see you, now goodbye.
You want, you want me to just cut it to the quick right away? I bet on a winner last night, and do you know, that when Shane and Stephanie sold their stock to that consortium, that the consortium... wooo!! [takes off coat, goes on rope, makes the strut, and swings off rope before going back to Vince] The consortium was me, and now you and I, are limousine-ridin', jet-flyin', kiss-stealin', wheeling-dealin' son of a guns! You know why? Because we're partners! [embraces Vince briefly]
Jerry Lawler
What?!!
Oh my god...Flair and McMahon are partners?!!?
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
