Mankind quotes from WWE Raw

I was eight years old, at Minnesauke Elementary School, playing a game of "kill the guy with the ball," which may even be an Olympic sport these days. And in chasing one of the other students, I made a leap for his legs, and the back of his foot kicked me in the lip. And I didn't know what happened. I knew it hurt, Jimmy, I knew it hurt bad. But all of a sudden, people started looking at me in a different way, like there was something wrong with me. I looked down at my Chicago Bears, back in the days when they were two and twelve in the waning days of Dick Butkus, and my Chicago Bears white sweatshirt, it suddenly turned red. And children were running from me, scared. I was bleeding, I was in pain... and I was loving it, because I felt like I'd finally found something in my life that I could better than everybody else, handle pain.

It was 1983, and upstate New York, with its endless rolling fields, might be a nice place for a lot of boys. But not when Jimmy Snuka and Don Muraco were in a cage in October in Madison Square Garden, that's where I wanted to be! I didn't wanna ride horses along a field, I didn't wanna fish for trout in a stream, I wanted to be where the blood and guts were, Jimmy. So I put out my thumb, Jimmy, and it took me sixteen or seventeen hours, but I made my way up to the Garden. It took just about all the money I had in the world, but I got a front row seat. And I saw the move that would change my life, when Jimmy Snuka came off the top of the cage, and I saw people stand up, and I saw people cheer, and I know I wasn't the only person who's life was changed in that arena. And I realized, Jimmy... that I wanted to do the same thing. I wanted to hear people cheer for me because of some act of bravery that I committed. I wanted to hear and see people's emotions, I wanted to see children cry out of-- out of love for me, the things I could do inside a ring. That's my first time in Madison Square Garden, and my parents weren't there. I did it just like I've done just about everything else in my life, all by myself.

Jim Ross

What do you think the biggest misconceptions are that the WWF fans have as it relates to Mankind?

That I'm a... bad person. Jimmy, there's plenty of good reasons to hate me. I just don't want people to hate me for untruths, impartial truths, and rumors. You see, when I was a kid, I played Cowboys and Indians. Now who were the good guys? The cowboys coming over the hill, to rape, pillage innocent women and children. I was always the Indian, Jimmy. I always stood for the underdog. If that makes me a bad person, standing up for what I believe in, then I guess you got me dead to rights, I'm a bad man.

You know, I wanna tell my son, when he gets to be fifteen, not to be the guy who eats strange things. I never exactly brought it upon myself. Other people and their cliques, for lack of a better word, they would gang up on me because I was different, because I acted different, looked different. They were throwing worms at me, Jimmy. Little wiggly worms they were throwing at me. Bending down in athletic class, doing my hurdler's stretch, and there was a bombardment of worms being thrown at me. So what do you do to retaliate? Do you throw the worm back, at seven or eight people? It's not the fact they were hurting me, they were wounding my pride. They were looking at me like I was garbage. So I picked up the largest specimen, Jimmy, and I sucked it down! To show them that their attempt to hurt my pride would not be successful... I thought, Jimmy, that I had shown them. But then sure enough, the story became exaggerated as everything in life does, and it no longer became, "Well, Mickey Foley ate one worm because some kids were picking on him." It became, "Mickey Foley eats a plateful of worms every day." Do you think I got many dates after that, Jimmy?

Jim Ross

Probably not.

Do you think girls wanted to kiss a boy who had worms on his breath? I'm a good kisser, but I never got the chance to show it! What am I gonna do, practice on myself, Jimmy?! I never had the chance to show the world that I could love and could be loved, because they ruled me out because I had a strange appetite for strange things! I'm not gonna say I didn't accept money to eat other strange things, but the fact is the damage had been done, and I went through my entire high school days without date number one! You don't think that scarred my soul?! Well, maybe you're not looking deep enough!

I made a movie when I was eighteen, about myself, maybe as a type of escape, where I was a wrestler. And it's strange, the first time I ever met Shawn Michaels... you know him?

Jim Ross

Oh, yeah. Very well.

He looked at my scarred and battered body. He didn't know me, but he knew the legend of who I was before. And he said, "Is this the way you always envision yourself?" Looking somewhat down on me. And I said, "No. You know, the strange thing is I always imagined myself being you." And he said, "You mean the champ?" I said, "No. I mean, the girls... jewelry... the tattoos... the love." So in my movie, I was not Mick Foley, I sure as hell wasn't Mankind, I was Dude Love.

We are gonna tear this rotten apple to its stinking New York core! And while we're here, we're here for only one reason, one reason only! Fame, honor, fortune, glory, to destruct, to destroy, and to take that WWF championship belt, that World Wrestling Federation championship belt...

And during the course of the movie, dating back to my experience at Madison Square Garden, I decided I was going to do something heroic. I was going to do something that would make people cheer for me. So, I ascended up onto my friend's roof, and I dove off.

I knew I wasn't ready to be Dude Love yet. I never wanted to be Cactus Jack. I figured, "Here is a horrible name for a horrible wrestler. And by golly, as soon as I get the ability, then I'll get that heart-shaped tattoo on my chest. I'll put those ear rings in, and I'm gonna get the girls." And it never really worked out that way, did it, Jimmy?

Jim Ross

Not quite.

I guess nature didn't cooperate with me. Cactus Jack was supposed to be around for three months... he stayed for eleven years.

Jim Ross

This could be damning.

Vince McMahon

I hope he doesn’t say anything to the Canadians.

Steve Austin

Get your ass up, you long-haired freak!

He’s talking - he’s talking to, to Mankind.

There ain’t no way one chair can keep your ass down, get in the ring! [Mankind crawls into the ring] You come out here every week, saying “Pick me, Steve! Pick me, Steve!”. I’ll lay it on the line for you, you piece of trash: I don’t like you one bit! But I’ll damn sure go to war with you, if that’s what you want. All you gotta do is shake my hand, and we’re a tag team.

Jerry Lawler

Whoa!

Ross

Well, I guess the man with the personality of a rattlesnake is softening a little bit.

Lawler

Finally Mankind gets what he wants!

Ross

All Mankind ever wanted was to be accepted.

Lawler

He don’t want a handshake, he wants a hug!

I can’t believe it. Another moment in the WWF. Mankind, now a partner - [suddenly Austin gives Mankind the Stone Cold Stunner] - oh!

Ross

No! No! Not the Stunner! Damn him!

DTA, you stupid piece of trash! Don’t ever trust nobody! You ain’t gonna be my partner, never, ‘cause you’re a long-haired freak, and you suck! [drops the microphone and raises his arms for the crowd]

My! Can’t believe that!

Ross

Well, if you’d like to have a pet rattlesnake, I’ll give you Austin’s phone number!

Thank you, no. This capacity crowd-

So it’s become very apparent, that drastic measures will be taken! Because, next week, well, I’m going to have to do something I never thought I’d do again. [Austin leaves] And it will become very obvious that the World Wrestling Federation will never be the same! Steve Austin, you will never be the same! And without a doubt next week, Mankind...will NEVER BE THE SAME!!! [whimpers]

Oh, ho ho ho ho! Owww, have mercy! Hunter and especially your finer Chyna, I know what you must be thinking. 'Dude, what are you doing back here, when you should be out there kicking some heavy duty booty all over The Garden?' Hunter, my man, I do believe it's time we had a little rap, ho-ho. Because you see, Falls Count Anywhere— Well, that not exactly my bag, baby. The pinfalls in the hot dog stands, the pinfalls in the street, the chairs, the tables, it's not exactly a Love thing. But I know somebody, daddy, who's bag it indeed is. He's my man, he's my main man, you might even say, well daddy, he's a kind man. A kooky type of cat, let's bring him out right now.

Ho ho, Mankind, my main mandible— up high big man, down low— Owww, you're too slow, ho ho. Mankind, good to have you at the Love Shack.

Hi, Dude. Thanks for having me here.

The pleasure's all mine.

You really are eye candy for the chicks, Dude.

That much I know, Daddy, but you gotta tell me about this wacky match: Falls Count Anywhere.

Dude, as much as I've dreamed about destroying Hunter Hearst Helmsley...

I know you have.

...as many horrible things as I'd like to do to him...

I know you can.

I know someone who dreams about it even more.

Who is it, Manny?

Someone who's willing to do even worse things than I have.

Oh no, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?

I think I am thinking what you think I think you're thinking.

Can you bring him out, Manny?

Here he comes.

Where is he?

CACTUS JACK... IS BACK!

Somebody spank me, I thought he was dead!

He's alive. HE'S ALIVE!

Helmsley, it may be the darkest day of your life, because it's Madison Square Garden, and Mrs. Foley's little boy...is finally home. BANG BANG!

[overlappping] Bye bye, Hunter, have fun! Owww, have mercy!

Jerry Lawler

What in the world!?

Jim Ross

[overlapping] Oh my God. Drastic times call for drastic measures!

Jim Ross

And for a man, that has wrestled on nails, and barbed wire and set himself on fire, this will be a day at Central Park!

Vince McMahon

I have it for you. [takes off black sheet] This is the WWF Hardcore Championship belt, and Mick, you've earned it. You've earned it. [Big Boss Man moves away to open a door]

[accepts title and laughs] I love it! [kisses belt] I gotta be honest with you, I love it!

Vince

Just one thing. In some respects, I think I lost a son tonight... [puts hand on Mankind's shoulder] maybe I gained another.

Really? [Vince drives off] Gee thanks, Dad. [Vince stops, visibly irked. Leaves]

At the risk of not sounding very cool, I'd like to dedicate this match to my two little people at home and say...BIG DADDIO DID IT!

Jerry Lawler

This is the blackest day in the history of the WWF!!