[Aftermath of Royal Rumble. Mr. McMahon and The Corporation explaining the aftermath in which McMahon was the Royal Rumble winner, and that he waived all rights and privileges to face the WWF Champion at WrestleMania. Commentary by Michael Cole and Jerry "The King" Lawler.]
MMr. McMahon
Stone Cold, I told you there was no chance in hell of you winning the Royal Rumble!
I love to hear him say that. That is so great— Say it again!
MMcMahon
And quite frankly, Austin... as far as I'm concerned, you will never, ever again step into the ring with the WWF Champion, much less myself, because you know what, Stone Cold? You've simply run out of chances, Austin.
[The Titantron appears on screen with a familiar voice.]
Hey, jackass, look over the big screen! I'm up here!
MMcMahon
[surprised] Wha—What are you—What are you?
AAustin
[on-screen live via satellite] (Don't) look at me in your side, look at me, you sorry son of a bitch!
MMcMahon
You're— you're up where? Where are you?
MMcMahon
Oh, okay. You're in Texas, I'm in Arizona. That makes sense to me, because I'm sure that you've been humiliated! I'm sure you can't even come out of your house! I'm sure people are coming up to you and saying, "Hey, aren't you the guy— Aren't you the guy that Vince McMahon threw over the top rope?"
AAustin
[grins] Yeah, I think that sounds all— That sounds fine, Vince, but uh, I'll tell you this...I'm going to WrestleMania.
What? Well— I-I guess, as a fan—
MMcMahon
Uh...wha— You mean— You mean you're gonna buy a ticket to go to WrestleMania?
AAustin
No, you dumb son of a bitch, I'm telling you I'm going to WrestleMania to face the champion!
MMcMahon
Uh...no— Well, you must be, chewing on some locoweed or something down there in Texas...
Yeah. [The Rock mocking the gesture based on McMahon's claim]
MMcMahon
...I-I have no idea— I mean...what— What are you saying?
AAustin
Eh, I don't know what you're talking about all this locoweed— all your little crap you're talking about. I'm telling you right now in English: Read my lips if you got a hard time hearing what I'm saying! I'm going to WrestleMania to wrestle the champion! I'm telling you that, but not just me telling you that! [gestures off-screen] The guy right beside me is telling you the same damn thing! [Commissioner Shawn Michaels appears on camera next to Austin]
[overlapping Lawler] It's the Commissioner! Commissioner Shawn Michaels is with Austin!
[McMahon reacts with a gulp.]
Ladies and gentlemen, chairman of WWE, Mr. McMahon.
MMr. McMahon
Thank you, and good evening. World Wrestling Entertainment is a promotional juggernaut. It is the most successful promotional juggernaut in history, having well-established its pre-eminent brands of Raw and SmackDown!, the WWE has recently announced the recreation of a third brand, ECW, which premieres tomorrow night at 10 o'clock, 9 o'clock Central on Sci Fi. ECW's representative, Paul Heyman made it very clear at the, at the top of the show, in which Mr. Heyman stated that we have a new WWE Champion, and his name is Rob Van Dam. Not withstanding the recreation of this third brand, there, there're other things I would like to discuss with you tonight. That is, what happened to the, the chairman of the board last week here on Raw. It's one thing for me to establish a kiss my ass club. It's quite another for someone who is to join to turn that around, kick me in the guts, wrench my arms behind my back, and drive me down to the canvas, thus exposing my dairy air in an involuntary basis. There were children who watch this show. I want Triple H to think about that. And something else I want Triple H to think about is what happened to his buddy not long ago, Shawn Michaels. When Shawn Michaels crossed my path, I sent the Spirit Squad on Mr. Michaels. All five of them. Mr. Michaels is no longer in action. So tonight, Triple H must be taught a lesson. A lesson he will never forget. And yes, I will once again use the Spirit Squad to teach that lesson. However tonight, what happened to Shawn Michaels was just too quick. Tonight will be slow. Tonight I'm gonna dismember Triple H limb by limb, until there's absolutely nothing left in a gauntlet match. All five members of the Spirit Squad dismembering Triple H. So tonight, after it's all over, I assure you, Triple H will in fact, reunited with Shawn Michaels. On the highway to hell!
You wanna have fun? Let's have fun.
MMr. McMahon
[on the contract] I've got everything in here you want...
Because my lawyers looked over your contract, Vince, and frankly, it just wasn't up to par, so I had them draw up a new one. I have it right here; my signature's already on it, all you've got to do is sign it. I...do think you should know about a couple new perks that I've added to it. You say you don't think contractual things should happen in public? Let's ask the WWE Universe—you people want this to go down in public? [The crowd cheers] You wanna hear a couple new perks?
MMr. McMahon
Don't push me.
He said, "don't push me." Did you already look at this? Did somebody stooge this off? Because this is actually provision #1—[pushes McMahon in his seat] that I get to push you. Vince, I'll push you all I want..Vince, I'll kick you in the nuts and you'll smile at me and like it, and show me some respect! Because if you don't, I find the nearest paper shredder, I throw this puppy in there, and Sunday, I leave with your WWE Championship.
Provision #1—for a Superstar such as myself, first class travel is not good enough. I want my own jet. And I don't want your jet—your jet smells, don't try to pawn that thing off on me—I want my own jet.
[Provision] #2—my face will be on everything. I want my face on the TitanTron, I want my face on these turnbuckles, I want cups, posters, spoons, knives, forks, shoes, socks. I want everything with my face on it; number-one thing I want you to bring back—the WWE Ice Cream Bars. [The crowd cheers and chants "WE WANT ICE CREAM!"] Look at that, I just made you a million dollars in ice cream sales.
I want WWE Films to immediately start production on CM Punk: The Movie! You can call it The Chaperone 2, except mine will be funny and entertaining and successful.
And one last thing—the main event of WrestleMania being John Cena against your buddy Dwayne? That's The Rock, for nobody who watches bad Disney movies. You can still have that little fantasy, but the match that I compete in at WrestleMania will be the main event.
Those are just a few of many new perks that my lawyers have added to the contract. The last thing that this contract states is that you apologize to me. I know, Vince McMahon doesn't apologize, right? But you will apologize to me for suspending me last week; you will apologize... Hell, you know what? I'm gonna be honest, you're not just apologizing to me, you're apologizing to these people for being one of the biggest hypocrites I've ever seen in my entire life. As far as your anti-bullying campaign goes, you are one of the biggest bullies I've ever met in my entire life, and you will apologize. I have had friends, very talented friends, work for this company and be unceremoniously fired.
MMr. McMahon
They deserved it!
They deserved it? They deserved it? Why? Because you don't know what makes a superstar in 2011?! You don't know what these people want?! You wanna punish people for actually liking professional wrestling, guys like Colt Cabana and guys like Luke Gallows?! Huh?! You will apologize to me, for them, because they can't be here right now, and they can't stand up to you, and they can't let their voice be heard! I am CM Punk, and I am the voice of the voiceless, and you will apologize, and you will like it!
WWE Raw · 371 quotes
