Harper, that's offensive.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I gotta use magic. [transforms into Alex] Okay I'll just pretend I'm Alex and convince Harper to help me with the float. No, I can't do it. It's just not me. [transforms back into himself and groans] But I do need to finish the float. [scratches his back with his wand] Ahh, ooh! [transforms to Alex] But it's a selfish use of magic and that's wrong. [transforms back to himself] But it would allow Harper to be with her friend, which would be nice. [transforms to Alex] No I can't do it! [transforms back] But I have to! [transforms into Alex] But I can't!
[walks out] Alex?
JAJustin as Alex
Uh oh. [drops his wand]
Oh my gosh! You came back to be with me.
JAJustin as Alex
[high pitched] Yes I'm....[clears voice] Yes I'm-I'm Alex and I came back to work on the float with you, and also to tell you how much you mean to me.
Aw, you never said that to me before. Thanks.
JAJustin as Alex
Well, you're welcome.
You never said that to me or to anyone. You must be really making an effort here. [grabs a mallet]
JAJustin as Alex
Wow, she sure has set the bar low for herself.
Why are you wearing Justin's clothes?
JAJustin as Alex
Oh. Be-because I stole them from Justin. Because I'm a dirty, lying thief.
[rubs Justin's head and smiles] I know you are.
You're not my friend Harper.
What?
Stevie's my friend. You're my sister.
(smiles)
(hugs Harper) I love you.
I love you too.
Okay. (crawl over the window)
Wait, what are you doing?
Well I'm not going to let you stay here alone.
But what if you get in trouble?
For what, sneaking into detention? Yeah I would love to see how that works.
I guess if you get into trouble you're already here so... Hey your boots match the detention chair.
Yeah, there use to be two chairs. (sits on the detention chair the same time as Harper)
Wait, wait, wait! We've heard two different stories here.
Well, maybe Warren is lying. Let's see if he can stand up to one of my uncomfortable stares.
[shudders]
[Harper stares and Warren faints]
Yep, he's a liar.
Quick! Quick! He fainted. Someone give me a pen. I love drawing mustaches on people who can't stop me!
Uh, now it makes sense, he won and a disgruntled family member is trying to wreck it for him. I've seen my future in the present.
Stevie is my friend. I'm sure she's got a reasonable explanation for what's going on.
[Justin scoffs]
Everyone is innocent until proven guilty.
C'mon Harper, let's go find Stevie. [starts to walk away with Harper]
I bet you he has a pen on him! [searches Warren]
[goes back to Alex and drags her away] Alex, stop that! It looks illegal.
SCSuperintendent Clanton
Laritate, you have obviously lost control of the helm and it seems [Looking at Alex] that this young sailor here...may be the iceberg that sinks your Titanic!
[Giggles] Well that's very sweet of you to say, thank you!
TOTAL LAWLESSNESS! (shatters the bottles on the counter top)
Leave my friend alone! She's the only one who sees through my schemes and sticks around!
[laughing with Harper] Tom Sawyer? That is such an obvious lie. It's the name from the Rush song.
[looks at Alex] And the classic book.
Wow, that song was good. I didn't know they made a book out of it.
[comes home] I did it. I told Nancy the truth.
We're proud of you Max.
Isn't it easier telling the truth, honey?
I'm so relieved that I told her I'm a wizard.
JJJustin and Jerry
[do a spit take]
RThe Russos
[look at Max] YOU WHAT?!?!
Max! When I told you to tell the truth to Nancy I meant to her the truth about being a Russo, not about being a wizard!
You wanted me to tell her the truth but not the whole truth? This truth thing is confusing, mom. To tell you the truth.
Yeah, I mean you tell the truth you get in trouble. You lie you get in trouble. We're probably just better off not talking to each other.
What did Nancy say when you told her?
She didn't believe me.
Max, you really need to work on how you give information when you tell a story. I mean, if I had a ketchup bottle when you said you told her, I would have squeezed it and ketchup would have been flying everywhere.
Harper please hand me the ketchup. [Harper gives Jerry the ketchup]
But then I took her on a magic carpet ride and she totally believed me.
Ahhh! (squeezes the ketchup bottle)
[opens her mouth]
Zeke, get up, come on, you're going on a romantic walk in the park and then a slow, gentle kiss on the cheek. Go.
Not doing it right? Let's see your longest relationship with a boyfriend lasted two months and that guy ended up in the woods to live with other wolves. And don't get me started started on the mannequin, the gear head and the baseball player with curly hair one day and straight hair the next. Man, he couldn't make a decision.
(talking through Justin's mind) Oh I see. In your mind they're losers and you're not.
Go away Alex! I hate it when you use magic to listen to my thoughts! (listens to a music player and turns the volume high)
(gets a headache)
(thinking) So if our universe is actually on a speck of dust that speck of dust could be on another speck of dust! And another and another.
(speaking through Zeke's mind) This is going to take a lot of meddling.
(stops thinking and gets scared) Hello? Who's there?
(smiles and covers her laugh)
Riley, Dean and Mason?
Mom, I asked you never to say their names again.
Don't call me Justin. I only go by my spirit name; Bursting Eagle.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Wizards of Waverly Place pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.