[Jack comes in dressed as an alien.]
Will: sherif , after closer examination, I believe I have identified the lifeform as ... gaylien.
Grace: We come in peace. Please do not rearrange our furniture.

Ben: So, the salad's done, the risotto is cooking. Let's talk wine. Karen, you have any preference?
Karen: Honey, I'd suck the alcohol out of a deodorant stick; so you're asking the wrong gal, okay?

Grace: You know, I thought I knew everything about you. But you're a mystery. Wrapped in a riddle. Surrounded by enigma. Growing boobies.

Grace: Can you imagine if whoever it was had actually gotten in? He probably would've made me rub lotion all over myself so he could make a prairie skirt out of my skin. Karen, I have never been more terrified in my entire life.
Karen: Oh, honey. Stan bought me a 7-karat ruby on our trip to Paris last year.
Grace: What does that have to do with the break-in?
Karen: Nothing, honey. I thought we were just swapping stories. Jeez, Louise! Didn't realize it was "All about Grace" day.

Grace: [to the maid] At least Mary Poppins did it with a song and a dance -- you're like a spoonful of whoopass!

Will: I got a call from my friend at the I.N.S. yesterday, and apparently the marriage between a 30-year-old gay man and a postmenopausal Salvadoran maid flagged something in their computer.
Karen: Okay, are we done yet?
Will: No. Look, they're gonna start making random visits to verify that Jack and Rosario are a real married couple. So since their official residence is listed as your place, I think the best thing would be for Jack to move into your penthouse.
Jack: I just adore a penthouse view! Ooh, my very own sexless marriage. Just like Will and Grace.
Will: No, not like Will and Grace. We don't even live together any more. She's got her own apartment.
Jack: Eight dysfunctional feet away.
Karen: Lord, they're like Siamese twins who are joined at their boring personalities.

[Diane, who has slept with both Will and Leo, says that will was better in bed]
Leo: What do you mean, Will was better? He couldn't find a g-spot with Yahoo! Maps.
Karen and Jack: YAHOOOO!

Dorleen: It's dark. It's glam. It's sad. It's Christmas

Grace: I wanna travel the world. Anywhere. Everywhere. You know, as long as it's clean and they speak English and it's safe.
Will: You've just narrowed your world travel plans down to Denver.

Cher: You know, don't talk to me about rejection, okay? I mean, look how many times I've gone down in flames. Remember, I lost the Oscar for Moonstruck.
Jack: But you won the Oscar for Moonstruck!
Cher: And don't you forget it.
Season 5

Grace: Can you please fax this application over to the realtor?
Karen: Oh, honey. Machinery. No.

Grace: Bill just said 2002 was the last palindrome year of our lifetime, and I laughed, and he looked at me weird. A palindrome is some kind of elephant, right?

Cheryl: Mrs. Walker? Cheryl Bricker-Fossberg, Taylor and Hayden's mom.
Karen: I have no idea what you just said.
Cheryl: I just want you to know I think you're awful. Your son Mason swam his heart out today, and all he wanted to do was share that joy with his family. But when he looked up in the bleachers for a familiar face, nothing. Not even a housekeeper. I find that appalling.
Karen: Oh, yeah? Well, I find stretch pants appalling, but I'm too much of a lady to mention it, fat ass.

Grace: I thought I would cook Shepherd's Pie.
Will: Pray tell, Julia Child, what's in Shepherd's Pie?
Grace: Um... shepherds? Sheep? Pie?

Jack: Hey friends, lovers, mothers and other strangers! You are never going to believe what happened to me. [trips] Oh, my God, did you see that? I almost did a half-nelson. I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigatos, mister tomatoes. Huge news! I have met -- are you ready for this? Mister Right. Well, Mister Right Now anyway, ba-dum-dum. Goodnight folks, I'm here all week! Jack 2000! He works over at the Jumpin' Java. You know, that coffee shop over on 72nd, and his name is Paul, and he is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets; and the hotter he gets, the sweatier he gets; and the sweatier he gets... I forgot where I am going with this, but the point is, me likey he and he likey me, and the best part is -- shazam! He gives me free ice coffee every time I go in, which is every hour on the hour and, thank you very much, and occasionally on the half hour. Ba-da-da-da-da-da! [blows raspberry]