(Beck is dragging Jade into Sikowitz's classroom)
Jade No, I don't wanna ask her! No!
My aunt says we can't go to Cancun.
She found out I was bringing Jade.
So we hear some of you guys are going to Yerba?
Yes. Yes, we are. Would you like to go to Yerba with us, Beck?
(Tori and Beck look at Jade)
Jade, do you have a question for me?
(turns her head away, clearly humiliated) Can I come to Yerba?
Hmmm...maybe. But first...gotta give me a hug! (Jade hesitates) C'mon, c'mon. Just do it! (they hug) See, giving Tori a big ol' hug isn't such a bad thing. (Jade begins to squeeze tighter) Ok, that's really tight. (they fall to the ground) Oh, god, help me!
I'm never playing mini golf with you guys again!
Trina missed a putt, so she got upset and threw a golf club at her father!
NO, I threw the golf club and Dad just stood there and let it hit him!
(comes in with a bruised nose) Well...that was fun...
Trina, get your dad an ice pack.
NO! I gotta go paint my nails!
[after seeing the hotel] This dump is our hotel?
Our friend is hallucinating!
An escaped prisoner crashed through our window and was dragged out by Yerbian soldiers!
...Okay. So before you booked our trip here, you forgot to find out that this is the WORST country on Earth?!
Jade, don't be such a Crabby Cathy.
I have every right to be a Crabby Cat- (they look over at Beck being fawned on by the local girls) Uh, Crabby Cathy is about to get a little bit crabbier.
(Beck shrugs)
I think those girls like Beck's fluffy American hair.
Clearly. (she advances) Hey! Get your hands off my boyfriend's head!
(The girls hiss at her, she hisses back, and they run frightened)
You're really gonna let your screechbox of a sister sing with us?
The guys are gonna keep her mic turned off.
(imitating Tori) "Oh, that's swell news!" (walks off)
...Do I talk like that? (in the same voice) DO I TALK LIKE THAT? No, I don't talk like that.
C Chancellor
ADMIT you did this to me on porpoise.
No! It was just a shoe malfunction!
C Chancellor
ADMIT you did this on PORPOISE, and your punishment will be not as bad.
BUT I DIDN'T DO IT ON PORPOISE!
Uh...go fish. (gets hit by a stick that one of the prisoners playing with her is holding, and falls to the ground. She then gets back up) ...Okay, that is not how we play Go Fish in America!
Ok, so you're telling me that freak show is a girl?
P Prisoner
What are you looking at?
I'm looking at a big stupid lady in prison, what are you looking at?
Ohhhh...me make big man-lady mad. (prisoner bangs stick against the fence and walks away) Oooh, good one! Hey, call me, we'll go skirt shopping!
Must you aggravate my fellow prisoners?
Man, eating salt is gross!
Not as gross as the prison food they make us eat in here!
One time, when my brother was in prison, he told the people in charge he was a vegetarian so they gave him special meals. (Tori looks weirded out) Oh wait, that was on an airplane.
Large scary lady coming toward us! Large scary lady coming!
Great! It's the one you called big and stupid the other day!
Whatever. I'm not scared of this chick.
P Prisoner
So, do I still look big and stupid?
Alright, listen, hot stuff. You better just turn yourself around and walk away from me or- (prisoner shoves Jade to the ground) I like it on the ground.
(Prisoner picks up stick and raises it to hit Jade:
(Tori stops prisoner and speaks to her in Yerbian)
(Imitating Yeah Yeah from The Sandlot) Yeah, yeah, we're super close.
P Prisoner
(puts stick under Jade's chin) You are lucky. (says something in Yerbian, drops the stick and walks away)
She would have eaten you!
She wouldn't have liked it. (Cat walks over)
Hi! Ew, Jade, you're outfit's all dirty.
(sarcastically) Oh, no, now I'll never win the prison beauty pageant!
Yeah, but what if we don't get out of here? How are we supposed to- (notices some guys offscreen) ...What are those guys about to do?
I think they're gonna throw rocks at us. (he and Andre run off screen as the rocks are thrown and hit the wall)
(runs back on screen) HEY! WE TOLD YOU WE DIDN'T WANT TO PLAY ROCKS! (runs as two more are thrown at him)
I'm not acting. (the prisoners step closer)
BP Big prisoner
(to Beck) YOU!
BP Big prisoner
HOW YOU MAKE YOUR HAIR SO...FLUFFY?
SP Smaller prisoner
TELL US!
Tell 'em, man! J-j-just tell 'em what they want to know!
Okay. Well, it all starts with a quality shampoo and conditioner.
C Chancellor
Now TAKE HER AWAY FROM ME!
O Officers
Yes, chancellor! (they salute, then do nothing for a few seconds)
O Officers
Oh, now. Okay, sure. (they take Tori out of the room)
S Sgrodis
Hello bodys! Who wants mushroom?
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