Veronica Mars - modern college girl on the go.
Dick Casablancas - Neolithic college boy on the sauce.
S3Witchita Linebacker
I bet you'd be pretty psyched if I found someone who could help.
My level of psyched would depend on the someone.
Eli Navarro. Remember?
You mean Weevil? Oh, Veronica, please.
Dad, I'm serious.
Oh, I don't know, all those times I arrested him, he never struck me as great secretary material. Didn't he get busted for murder?
Assault.
See, so he's not even a very good murderer.
While I appreciate the interest, Big Brother, I hope -
Wow, a 1984 reference. Did you read that in weightlifting?
You know, your dad was half right. You have a thing for bad boys, but you don't want to reform them. You just get off on judging them.
Which reminds me: can I borrow your copy of 101 Brooding Comments?
I only have the Cliff Notes. Look, I've got to run, so to save you the trouble, I'm surfing in Mexico with Dick and Mercer this weekend. I'll fax you the coordinates so you don't incur any more cell-tracking charges, and I'll keep a journal of my bad thoughts in case you want to stick my face in a cage of rats when we get back. Sorry, 1984 is the only book I read.
Is this the help desk? 'Cause I need a little help.
Let me guess: you have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there's a guidebook?
No, it's more like, uh... what's beyond pathological?
S3Charlie Don't Surf
This is a bad idea.
No, it's not.
You only think it's not because you came up with it.
Ergo, how could it be bad? Math, sweetie. Me + idea = good.
You were expecting Sidney Poitier?
No jokes. No innuendos, no quips. Don't even think of alluding to having seen me naked or having touched any part of my body that does not have fingers.
Can I mention that my eyes adored you? I got it. No calling you Bobcat, no talk of milky thighs.
Go home.
Veronica. Don't worry. I wont say anything bad.
Dick, why are you here?
You saw that article about the Pi Sig house, right? That girl Claire gets raped after one of our parties, and suddenly, school's all in a bunch. There's like this hearing scheduled to try to get us kicked off campus, and that's where you come in.
I get to do the kickin'?
You get to be the spy who loves me. The guys were really impressed with how you cleared the frat of the rape last year.
Were they? That means so little.
They knew we had, like, this connection. So, they sent me here to hire you. We need you to do your Veronica thing and prove it's a pack of lies.
Is it? A pack of lies?
We're a frat. Why rape the cow when you're swimming in free milk?
[voiceover] When entering a frat house full of accused rapists, the pant suit is a solid wardrobe choice. It's fashion's way of saying, "Move along. Nothing to see here."
[Veronica encounters the Pi Sig frat approaching in a group.]
Hello, Chip... Dick... faceless Star Trek crew members...
In my world, the wicked don't get parting gifts.
S3President Evil
Any big Halloween plans?
Oh, you know, the usual: slapping on my sexy nurse duds and rolling tweeners for their chocolate.
Well, well, what do we have here? An illegal gambling establishment. Underaged drinking. [sees Logan and Veronica hugging] Public displays of affection. [shivers] It's like Sodom and Gomorrah in here.
Where's Lilly's necklace?
Someone left a bracelet in my bed last week. Or wait, was it a hoop earring...
I'm not playing with you.
Don't you get it? I have no idea what you're talking about.
Oh, you don't, huh? Let me spell it out: I tell you about a working on-campus casino. Six hours later, it's held up by a guy, your size, wearing a mask, who happens to be covered in a thin film of drywall dust and the stench of Drakkar cologne.
My cologne stinks? So, all this play I've been getting is from pure sex appeal?
You just told my classmates that your old life of crime was calling. You just asked me about Lilly's necklace.
I can't believe you'd think I'd do that - to you - after all we've been through.
After all we've been through, can you really blame me?
[to Logan] Hey, good-looking, we'll be back to pick you up later!
[voice over] Hello, square one, nice to see you again.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.