[sighs] I have to, have to, have to go to my morning classes tomorrow. I'm getting lost in the "sex-nap-eat-repeat" loop. I'm in the porn version of Groundhog Day.
"Poundhog Day"?
S3I Know What You'll Do Next Summer
You were just waiting for me to pull out books?
No, just browsing.
Building up on your South American culture? Conversational Portuguese perhaps? If you're going to be that close to Rio...
How did you know about my trip?
Parker mentioned it.
Did my fanclub meet today? I thought you guys only met on wednesdays?
[In an evening walk, Mac confides to Veronica her dismay about her relationship with Max.]
Love makes me lazy. It's a dangerous drug. Kills more brain cells than crystal meth. How's your cell count these days?
Mmmm, I can still do long division, but I can't quite remember all the continents.
So, Pizneyland is the happiest place on Earth?
Happy enough. There's no rollercoaster, but I think I can do without the adrenaline and nausea.
KKizza
I'm looking for detective Mars.
I'm detective Mars.
KKizza
But you're just a girl. You're a teenager.
A girl, a teenager, and a private detective - I'm a triple threat. Barely fits on my business card.
S3Weevils Wobble But They Don't Go Down
I just hope Piz isn't planning on moping his way through the remainder of freshman year. It's not like I'm taking an internship at a Mister Softee in Wachoota. It's the FBI. The F. B. I.
At the very least, Piz should think it's hot.
Actually, he does think it's pretty hot. He'd just think it was hotter if I were doing it in Neptune.
He wants to date you and be near you? Greedy little bugger.
And if he didn't care, I'd probably be complaining about that...to my girlfriend...while waiting to pay for frozen yogurt. I'm a girl!
[A girl is being arrested a few feet in front of Veronica and Mac in line for lunch.]
She has the right to remained famished.
What?
Miss Mars uses Venus razor.
Because if she doesn't, her legs look like Pluto's.
And she's down-to-earth to boot.
I think I read in Teen People that a clean leg shave will make that special boy sit up and take notice.
I read in FHM that boys like bare breasts.
Interesting. I did not know that. Bare breasts, you say? Hm.
Hey, did anyone else hear there's gonna be a Matchbox 20 reunion show?
So? Rob Thomas is a whore.
Yeah.
Hey, you never told me what happened with your whole man crush thing.
Wallace has a man crush?
The man crush isn't me, is it?
Some guy following him around campus. Is it Piz?
So, what's the protocol for a plane christening? I mean, does someone get to, like, smash the, uh, Sea Monkey with a miniature bottle of champagne?
The protocol? Pray to whatever god you believe in she flies. Otherwise, my ass is grass.
Orville Wright's exact words, if I recall.
I'm so nervous. This is totally knotting up my inner nerd.
Wait, you have an inner one?
I guess you're all asking yourself why I called this meeting. [pause] What? That's comedy gold
PPatrick
She knows about my dad's company.
And I know that Leon's cryptography research wasn't really stolen. Let's see one guy to steal the machine one guy to program it and everyone to point the finger at the ex-con maintenance guy and the injustice league strikes again
PPatrick
Who are you calling?
The surgeon general.
JJenny
She's calling her dad, the sheriff.
Good call Jenny, see you're not just here for your looks.
PPatrick
Hang up please we can work this out you can be one of us.
Is this where you turn me into a vampire?
PPatrick
We can make it worth your while.
All right I'm listening.
PPatrick
So what is that maintenance guy paying you anyway?
Cash.
PPatrick
Don't turn us in can give you your very own Hearst ID.
Oh I have one, thanks.
PPatrick
This one is the everlasting gobstopper of spending money ,you'll never have to pay for another textbook, another ticket to a campus performance, another meal.
Assuming that I want to eat meals in the food court for the rest of my life, besides you're lying, you don't have the machine you left it in the locker next to Mr. Navarro's
JJenny
There's a third one.
LLeon
I've already programmed it.
PPatrick
The only reason we got busted is cause we used stupid aliases we get new cards, generic names and we don't get caught again.
JJenny
You're a scholarship kid right.
PPatrick
Yeah its gotta be really tough paying for all those meals and textbooks.
It is which is why a bunch of kids who can afford to ski in Aspen getting their kicks by ripping off my school and blaming it on the nearest kid from the wrong side of the tracks pisses me off so much.
PPatrick
You think that ski picture is proof, that doesn't prove anything.
But this conversation does.
[begins to play a recording of the conversation on her phone]
I wont bore you with the rest but I'll bet it means jail time, or if you'd prefer you can go throw yourselves at the mercy of the campus police I'm sure they'll be more merciful than my dad, especially after he finds that third machine in one of your dorm rooms.
JJenny
Like we keep it in a dorm room.
If I don't hear by tomorrow that the charges against my client have been dropped by tomorrow afternoon I'm taking everything I've got to the finest sheriff's department in Balboa county. And try to keep it down in here, okay, it's a library.
S3The Bitch Is Back
Dick? Get out here.
What's up, V?
If you had to bet?
Look, from a guy's perspective, the video just made your stock go up. You looked great. Enthusiasm -- always a plus--
It's like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you. Where'd you get the video?
Someone e-mailed it to me.
Who? Get your computer.
I probably deleted--
After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.
I-it's a nice day. Let's go eat outside. Veronica? Come on.
LLout
Looks even more familiar from behind.
I promise you, karma's going to take care of that guy for you.
I know. I'm gonna run him over with my "karma."
Chip a moment of your time.
CChip
I'm kinda in the middle of something.
It's a cluster of morons, don't worry they'll let you back in.
CChip
You know what I like about you, you got spirit.
I want to talk to you.
CChip
That's what you're doing.
Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there or is this new?
CChip
What do you want.
Who sent you the video.
CChip
Don't know, don't care.
You dont care now, but holy crap are you gonna care when I start to get my revenge on, you'll be doin' all sorts of caring.
Domonick?
DDomonick
Yeah.
Where'd you get the video of me
DDomonick
I don't know what you're talking about.
Your pubescent snickering tells me differently.
DDomonick
Someone sent it to me.
You should tell me who, or I can assume it originated from you.
DDomonick
You can assume whatever position you like
I'm thinking chokehold you gasping for your last breath.
DDomonick
Shh sweetheart, sweetheart you are so much hotter with the sound off.
You'll really be better off giving me that name.
DDomonick
Yeah well I guess I need to quiver in fear now so see ya.
Okay then.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Veronica Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.