King Xerxes quotes from VeggieTales

[after the cake gets smashed by a falling piano] Why is there a piano on my cake?

Oh... Who is it?

Um... Uh, Your Highness, ah... The king was wondering if you could make him a sandwich.

It's three o'clock in the morning.

Ah... Yeah. But, uh, he says that he's the king, and whatever he says goes.

Well, I'm the queen, and the king can make his own sandwich.

Okay.

[angrily] You can't do this to me! I'm the queen!

Oh, yeah? [throws her luggage at her] The king can do whatever he wants! He's the king! And don't come back!

Don't you think that might have been a little harsh?

Oh, no way. If she got away with that, no one would listen to you.

Well, what am I gonna do now?

It looks like we're going to have to find you a new queen.

Hmm... Make me a sandwich.

What should the punishment be for these two dangerous criminals, the most wanted peas in Persia, who appeared before you uninvited and tried to drop a piano on your head?

Well... Uh, let's see. It probably should be pretty stiff, huh? What do you think?

I say, the punishment should be... Banishment to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!

You don't mean...

...the island where you are tickled day and night?!

Night and day?!

Without stop?!

Not even if you say "pretty please"?!?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Your highness, someone is plotting against my family. Tomorrow, my people and I will be banished to the Island of Perpetual Tickling!

What? Banish my queen? Who would dare?

[angrily; turns to Haman] It's Haman!

Is this true?

I don't know what she's talking about. She's crazy!

It is true!

Can you prove this charge?

I'm telling you, she's making it up!

Wait a minute, that's Mordecai. I just gave him a parade!

Mordecai is my cousin. His family is MY family!

[angrily] You had me banish the man who saved my life and my own queen?!

For your punishment Haman, you are to be sent to The Island of Perpetual Tickling, along with anyone else who dares scheme against my queen and her family!

NOOOOOOO!!!! [The Grim Tickler tickles Haman with his feather and Haman laughs as he is tickled out the door, just like with the Peaoni Brothers.] Oh no, ple-he-he-ase stop it! Please sto-ha-ha-hap! Ha-ha, you're killing me, ha! Ha-ha-pretty please?

So Haman got what was coming to him, and then some. And Mordecai, this is my favorite part, (Markus gives Mordecai a paper) he got Haman's old job. The number two guy in the whole kingdom! Not bad.