This is just for one term here, Jonah. You're merely acting as a placeholder for Ezra.
Once I'm in, I'm in. I went to the White House on a three-week placement. I'm a MRSA infection. You don't get rid of Jonah Ryan.
Listen to me, all right? I'm not asking you, I am telling you.
Yeah, but it's not my fault if Cousin Lezra ends up eating my nut dust and becoming the goofy Paul Simon to my angelic-voiced Art Garfunkel.
Can I talk to you down here just a minute?
Now listen to me, you walking trisomy. I could get dog shit in a condom elected in New Hampshire. You are my puppet. I let you dance, and when I stuff you back in the toy box to let Ezra lead, you will be grateful I ever let your wooden painted face take the stage! Now, do you or do you not understand me?!
[meekly] Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.
Ma'am, I'm getting a lot of press interest about Catherine and, y'know, her condition...
What? She's a lesbian, Mike, she's not a werewolf. Though either one would explain why she never shaves her legs.
How stupid are you, you motherfucking snake? I know all about your meeting with Marwood and Purcell; I know all about how you're trying to fuck me with that abstinence program of yours. Underneath this whole honorable, decent, wholesome, boy scout crap of yours, I know exactly who you are.
Oh, so I don't have to explain that I am not someone who would piss away my presidency on a bunch of half-assed decisions...
...and, by the way, by messing around with that pretty-boy Charlie Baird, for God's sake!
What? Charlie Baird? What does Charlie Baird have to do with any of this?
I...I don't know, he's got nothing to do with it. What is he...
You're such a liar! You're such a liar! Why did you even join my ticket in the first place?
Because I happen to believe in something called public service.
Okay, well then, I've got no...
I'll tell you why! Because you wanted to be a step closer to the presidency and to me. You wanted it so bad, you could taste it.
This is unbelievable. Please...
You are lying now just like you lied back then, just like you lied about that night in the cab with the green shoes!
Oh...well, now I got no idea what you're talking about.
You know exactly what I'm talking about. You remembered the green shoes that night, but not the fact that you wanted to fuck me? Come on. Come on! No straight man remembers a woman's shoes.
Well, you got me. I'm gay. So...
Just admit it! Just say the truth for once in your life. Come on, Tom. You wanted to fuck me that night, just say it!
Just say you wanted to fuck my brains out!
Alright, I wanted to fuck your brains out!
There you go. And now you're trying to fuck me tonight!
No, I am fucking you tonight!
[After an awkward pause, they passionately kiss]
If you think you're getting those worthless toy boats by now, I'm gonna shut down those factories faster than you can bedazzle a fucking sweatshirt.
CNCongresswoman Nickerson
Let's cut the shit, Selina.
CNCongresswoman Nickerson
All roads go through Colorado, and the toll just went up.
You're playing a very dangerous game of chicken with the head fucking hen, cause if I don't win the White House, O'Brien is going to sink your stupid little boats. Then you're going to look like a hair-sprayed asshole in your 1980's-mother-of-the-bride dress. And if I do win, I will have my administration come to your shitty little district and shake it to death like a Guatemalan nanny. Then, I will have the IRS crawl so far up your husband's colon, he's gonna wish the only thing they find is more cancer.
CNCongresswoman Nickerson
Good God.
Selina; So, can I count on your vote, or do I need to shove up a box of White House M&M's up your stretched up, six-baby-vag?
CNCongresswoman Nickerson
[gulps] You can count on my vote.
I think I want to hear an 'Okey dokey, Annie Oakley'.
CNCongresswoman Nickerson
Okey dokey, Annie Oakley.
Oh, super duper, Trooper. Now get the fuck out of here, congresswoman.
