I love reading to kids their eyes are just so wide and glistening.
That’s the Demerol.
S3Feast or Fireman
Some day your children will ask you about this day and you’ll say, “Yes he was that good.”
Let’s get you in that backless hospital gown.
I’m going to be a fireman.
Well, I’d love to stay and talk to you about it some more but I have to get ready for astronaut school.
My thumb is killing me from giving all those injections.
Yeah I don’t know how those junkies do it.
S3Once Again From the Beginning
Do you remember what he wrote on your anniversary card? 'Happy anniversary. It's been cool getting to know you. You're really cool. Stay cool. Johnny.'
And he wrote that in only two days.
My grandma always says the harder the choice the sweeter the rewards.
She also says that Winston Churchill shovelled her driveway.
You can't prove he didn't
You are so funny, is it the celibacy?
That's nice. You know I take great comfort in the fact that there is a team of Japanese scientists working around the clock to destroy you.
Johnny is writing his own vows? All right, limericks!
Hey, what's going on?
I don't know, I said your name and the stove just burst into flames!
Ashley, what's that ugly thing on your shoulders?
S3Another Moving Script
(arguing with Pete) Fine, FINE! I'm sleeping on the couch!....Which is just stupid because I have my own room!
S3El Matrimonio Loco
Where's your idiot roommate?
The village recalled him.
Berg, everything I have to say to you, I can say with one finger.
Excuse me Superintendent Donnelly, I have a grievance
OK, Irene, this is really not a good time.
But this is urgent. I've discovered a violation in the lease agreement. It specifically prohibits prostitutes in the building and Pete's girlfriend is a whore.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.