Man, I guess you can afford a lot of cool stuff when you don't have to sell your blood and sperm to make alimony payments.
Charlie, I need to borrow your Mercedes.
Well, since you're in a hurry, I'll give you a quick answer: no.
Charlie, please, I'm showing a house in half an hour.
What's wrong with that little electric car you bought?
Oh, nothing! Well, it's fine, it's hip, it's what anyone who cares about this planet is driving. But if you're trying to sell real estate to a Saudi oil prince, you can't be driving up in some little toy car with a plug in the bumper.
Um, you could use my car, Mom.
You see? Now that is how a loving son treats his mother. [to Alan]: Thank you, sweetheart, but I need to look successful.
So this is pretty cool, huh, Jake? An electric car.
I guess. What happens when the batteries run out?
You plug it in and recharge it.
Yeah, but what if there's a blackout?
Then you sit in the back seat with a loaded pistol and wait for the looters just like any other car.
Charlie...
It's a cool car, Jake.
Greg has a really cool car. He has a Hummer.
You know, your Uncle Charlie's no stranger to Hummers.
Charlie...
That's a cool car, too, Jake.
[Charlie shows Alan a bra that he found in the back seat of his Mercedes]
Holy mother of God!
No, no, unholy mother of us!
I left a $300 bra in the back seat of your Mercedes, and I want it back.
Oh, my. How in heaven's name did that happen, Mother?
Well, if you must know--
I don't need to know.
Oh, Alan, grow up. [to Charlie]: I sold a $12 million house and I wanted to celebrate.
With the Saudi prince?
Don't be ridiculous. He's got nine wives and they're all, like, eleven years old. No, I-- I was with the seller's realtor. Splitting that juicy commission made us both so hot, we barely made it off the front lawn. Now go get Mommy's bra.
I'm gonna live here with you and Dad from now on.
Wanna bet?
Why not?
Two reasons: your mother loves you and life is cruel. Wait, that may just be one reason.
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