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S1 E12

Two and a Half Men · Season 1, Episode 12

“Camel Filters + Pheromones” quotes from Two and a Half Men

3 quotes

“Camel Filters + Pheromones” · Season 1, Episode 12

In this episode: Charlie (2), Jake (2), Berta (2), Alan (1), Judith (1)

Berta?

No, it's Liz Hurley, but I'm holding water.

I'm still sleeping here. Could you come back in a little while?

I could, or you could get your pampered ass out of bed and let me do my demeaning job and get on with my hellish life.

[Jakes meets Prudence, Berta's 16-year-old grand-daughter]

Berta, does Prudence have a boyfriend?

Oh, honey, don't get me started.

What does that mean?

It means: If she gets a high school diploma before she gets a baby, she'll be the first one in the family.

Jake, come here, sit down.

Did I do something wrong?

No, just sit down. We wanna talk to you about something.

[sits down] OK.

Well Jake, you know how I always told you to tell your parents about what's happening and everything you've been doing.

Yeah.

Well you...

You don't have to do that anymore. You're a big boy now and you, you don't have to do that now.

Why?

Well because, now that you're older, we feel that some things are best kept to yourself.

Or you just don't want mom to find out about Prudence.

That too.

OK.

[Enters] Hi Jake, ready to go?

Sure. [Walks out with Judith]

So how was your weekend?

Uncle Charlie says I don't have to tell you.

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