Two and a Half Men · Season 1, Episode 11
[about Judith] What does she think she's doing? She-- she's straight, she's gay, she's straight again... I mean, place your bets! Where she lands, nobody knows!
Alan, it's no big deal. Women get to experiment with their sexuality. It's only guys who have to make a choice and stick to it.
Where do you get this stuff?
I make it up.
Where's my mother?
She left.
Why?
I don't know. We were watching SpongeBob SquarePants, and she stood up and said life was too short.
I don't wanna go clothes shopping. I'm not the one that needs a new look, so why do I have to go?
Come on, Jake, get your jacket and let's go.
Fine, I'll get my stupid jacket, then we'll get in the stupid car and then we'll go to the stupid mall and we'll go stupid clothes shopping.
Hey, don't talk to your stupid father like that.
Come on, Alan. If you change your look you might be able to land someone in the dating game. You know, like Judith is.
I don't need to land anyone in any game.
Fine, I'm here if you need me.
I'm fine. So Jake, what's new?
My soccer coach sings a lot now.
Why?
No reason. But I think it's the same reason Mom sings all the time now.
Oh, all right.
I'm done. Can I go watch TV now?
Sure. [Jake goes off] ... Help me Charlie, I wanna sing for no reason too!
[getting ready to leave] Get your jacket, it's time to go.
[reluctantly] I don't wanna go, I hate clothes shopping!
Well, you can't stay here alone.
Why not??
You know why not.
But I don't have a turtle to put in the microwave anymore!
[firmly] Get your jacket.
[annoyed] Fine, I'll put on my stupid jacket, we'll get in the stupid car and then we'll go stupid clothes shopping!
Hey, don't talk to your stupid father like that.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Two and a Half Men pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
