Russell quotes from True Blood

Russell

[referring to Talbot's reaction] It's like Armageddon in here whenever someone chips a dessert glass.

Talbot

You are not supposed to bring work home.

Russell

Darling, [points to himself] King!

Russell

As always the deposit will go to your Trust account.

Franklin

But I want cash.

Russell

Last time you had any real money you ended up at the slots in Biloxi slaughtering a church group of elderly women.

Franklin

They wouldn't let me have a turn!

Magister

I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.

Russell

Thank you.

Sophie-Anne

Yes, thanks. So happy I could bleed.

Talbot

[about Sophie-Anne] You never said she was going to live with us.

Russell

She's my wife, Talbot. We just acquired the state of Louisiana. I thought you would have been excited.

Talbot

Excited? Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens; I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo, and that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Russell

Things may be getting complicated soon. I'm afraid I acted somewhat impulsively while I was gone.

Talbot

[sighs] What did you do? Spit it out.

Russell

I killed the Magister...He deserved it!

Talbot

Are you out of your fucking mind?! The Authority will never stand for-

Russell

Fuck the Authority! It won't be able to prove a thing. I made sure of that.

Talbot

You're acting like a century old child.

Russell

Relax! I've already sent a half million dollar check to the AVL in support of their foolish Vampire Rights Amendment.

Talbot

You can't buy your way out of everything!

Russell

Of course I can! This is America.

Oregon has rallied in anticipation of the state's upcoming ratification vote on the Vampire Rights Ammendment. Polls show the measure gaining support in recent months although nearly twenty percent of the country remains undecided.

Russell

Does that help you decide America? Do not turn off the camera! You've seen how quickly I can kill. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Russell Edgington and I have been a vampire for nearly three-thousand years. Now, the American Vampire League wishes to perpetuate the idea that we are just like you. I suppose in a few small ways we are. We're narcissists. We care only about getting what we want no matter what the cost just like you. Global warming, perpetual war, toxic waste, child labor, torture, genocide, That's a small price to pay for your SUVs and your flat screen TVs, your blood diamonds, your designer jeans, your absurd garish McMansions! Futile symbols of pertanence to quell your quivering, spineless souls. But no, in the end we are nothing like you. We are immortal. Because we drink the true blood. Blood that is living, organic and human. And that is the truth the AVL wishes to conceal from you because let's face it eating people is a tough sale these days so they put on their friendly faces to pass their beloved VRA but make no mistake. Mine is the true face of vampire! Why would we seek equal rights? You are not our equals. We will eat you after we eat your children. Now time for the weather. Tiffany?