Magister quotes from True Blood

Bill

Longshadow was choking the girl and would have killed her.

Magister

So you murdered a higher life form for the sake of your pet? You broke an ancient and fundamental law. You decreased our numbers at a critical time in our history. Very bad. Very very bad.

Bill

Longshadow broke the law first. She was mine and he knew it. He would have killed her and fed from her!

Magister

Hello! Human! Irrelevant. Happens every day!

Bill

He was stealing from Eric.

Magister

[to Eric] Sheriff?

Eric

Yes, Magister. It's true. Longshadow was a thief and a liar. He was hurting my business.

Magister

The business part. That is a serious offense.

Bill

And it was the human who exposed Longshadow. Would you tell him, Eric?

Eric

The only reason the girl was there was because I called her.

Bill

To protect your wealth!

Eric

To protect my wealth, yes. Magister, she is... valuable.

Magister

Humans exist to serve us. That is their only value.

Bill

There are those among us who think differently.

Magister

Do you question my authority? I am the magister. I was trained in the Inquisition and I am the adjudicator for every vampire territory in North America! As the humans say - the humans that you love more than your own kind - back your shit down!

Eric

Bill.

Magister

You haven't bored me. That works in your favor and you seem to be obedient to your sheriff.

Eric

For the most part... When it matters, yes he is.

Magister

The usual sentence is five years in a coffin, chained with silver. During which time your body will waste to leather and sticks, and you'll probably go insane. However, I'm feeling a bit... creative.

Magister

Trouble abounds in your fair state.

Eric

Tell me.

Magister

It would seem your idyllic little home is competing to become the V capital of the world.

Sophie-Anne

Can you believe it? I am so embarrassed. Naturally I told the Magister that you were the only vampire in my queendom that could be trusted with this.

Eric

Any thing I can do to be of service.

Magister

Our blood is sacred. Wasting it on anything other than procreation is blasphemy.

Sophie-Anne

Madness.

Eric

Desecration.

Magister

Have you noticed an uptick in users in your neck of the woods? Maybe even here in your club?

Eric

I haven't, no.

Magister

See that's surprising to me. 'Cause every other sheriff to whom I have spoken has. The amounts are so great in fact, we can only assume a vampire is responsible.

Sophie-Anne

An act of self loathing so shameful that who ever is responsible should fall on his own stake.

Eric

Respectfully, Magister. I'm not sure I follow your logic.

Magister

If your average run-of-the-mill drainers were behind this, it would stand to reason said drainers would need vampires to drain; which means there would be missing vampires and plenty of them. How many vampires have gone missing in your area?

Eric

None, Magister.

Magister

So, now do you follow my logic?

Eric

I do, and I will look into the matter.

Magister

Good ... and I will expect results.

Magister

I hereby pronounce you husband and wife.

Russell

Thank you.

Sophie-Anne

Yes, thanks. So happy I could bleed.