Jason Stackhouse quotes from True Blood

Andy

You're a good guy, Stackhouse. You got a lotta heart. You're prettier'n most girls. If you just applied yourself right, you could accomplish almost anything.

Jason

You really think so?

Andy

Why else would I be babysitting your drunken ass making sure you don't piss your entire future away?

Jason

There's werewolves?

Sookie

Yes.

Jason

Shit. Bigfoot, is he real too?

Sookie

I dunno, I guess it's possible.

Jason

Santa?

Sookie

Jason, focus.

Sookie

I should've known. This is a sex thing, isn't it?

Jason

No! Don't come any closer!

Sookie

You on V again?

Jason

No, dammit, listen to me! Get out of here. Now! It ain't safe Sook, I mean it. I'm dangerous.

Sookie

Okay look, I've had a hell of a mornin', and my patience is running pretty thin. So you're going to tell me what's going on here, or I will fish it out of your head myself. Your choice.

Jason

I think...I'm turning into a were-panther.

Sookie

A were-what?

Jason

Panther. [Sookie laughs] It's like a were-wolf, except a big ass cat. I got bit, and stuff by my psycho ex-girlfriend and her were-panther tribe, and they said I would turn into one of them on the full moon.

Sookie

So you handcuffed yourself to the bed?

Jason

Yeah.

Sookie

But if you turn into a panther, won't the handcuffs just fall off?

Jason

Shit, I never thought of that. Sookie, listen to me, you gotta get out of here now because I ain't never forgive myself if I bite your head off.

Jason

Hey, when you and Lafayette role play, does he ever pretend to be a woman named Mavis?

(slightly worried) I'm going to forget you just said that.

Jason

You know, you say you’re not all the same, but really, what’s the difference? I mean, you just drank from some dude you don’t even know.

Jessica

Yeah, and I suppose you know every cow you’ve eaten.

Jason

What the fuck kind of question is that? I ain’t never fucked a cow.

Jessica

Oh, it’s a metaphor, idiot!

Jason

Hey, fuck you, fanger.

Ms. Hamby, awaiting your order.

Jessica

You shot me in the head.

Jason

So what? It’ll fucking heal. So will I.

Jessica

Get the fuck out of my mansion.

Eric

[about going with Sookie to save Jessica] Oh sweetie, don't be a fool.

Jason

If I wanna be a fool, then I will be a fool. That is my God-given right as an American.

Jessica

Who are you?

My name's James.

Jessica

Do you know what we're doing here, James?

They want us to fuck.

Jessica

Who wants us to fuck? [James motions to the one way mirror] But I- I don't know you.

They don't care.

Jessica

I guess that shouldn't surprise me.

Don't worry, okay? [to the people behind the mirror] I'm not doing anything.

Spotlight.

Yes, sir. [James is burned with sunlight]

[to the mirror] I'm a vampire, not a rapist.

Jason

[under his breath] Jesus Christ, thank you.

Sarah

Zap him again.

Yes, ma'am. [James is burned with sunlight]

Jessica

Oh, God. James?

[looking at the mirror] Yeah?

Jessica

Let's just do it. [to the mirror] We'll do it, all right? [unbuttoning her shirt] We'll put on a show for y'all.

Don't.

Jessica

We'll just get it over with so, you know... It's going to feel like I'm a virgin, but I'm not.

[stopping her from taking off her pants] No fucking way, okay? You're a beautiful person, and you don't deserve this.

Jessica

I'm not a person. Yeah, I do.

[yelling at the mirror] Fuck you and your lights!