[In Lisbon, about the full-face helmeted downhill biker he was about to race in a Renault Clio]
Now all that was left was to psyche out [Darth Vader].
S7 E4December 4th, 2005
It does still look a bit like the inside of Jacques Cousteau's wetsuit in here.
[After losing a race to a downhill biker in Lisbon]
Permission to say "Oh, cock" on BBC Two.
[Back in the studio after the first part of the Cheap Car Challenge...]
We're going to be picking that up later on, but for now, it's time to update our "ITALIAN MID-ENGINED SUPERCARS FOR LESS THAN A SECOND-HAND MONDEO CHALLENGE"...
...chart!
[on the Italian supercar challenge]
[...] Now, next one is the big one, okay - insurance. That's the main problem with cars of this type, okay? We had to go out and get a quote to see how low we could go, and mine was, for the Maserati, 300 pounds.
A year?
Yeah.
For a Maserati?
Yeah.
Don't be ridiculous!
No, you see, the reason is pretty simple: unlike you, I'm a respectable middle-aged man, unlike you, I don't have any points on my license, and it's kept in an alarmed, locked garage in one of the safest parts of the country.
Yeah, but hang on a minute though, because you are, what, a journalist and a broadcaster, and I happen to know that those are 2 of the highest rated insurance risks on the book.
Yep, you're exactly right, which is why I told them I was a doctor! [referring to his honorary doctorate in engineering]
[Jeremy has won two points for making his insurance quote two-hundred under the £500 bench-mark.]
Two points - for being a doctor!
I said "I'm an after-dinner speaker." [cue mocking by Jeremy & James]
You see...
I've done two.
[scoffs] Two hundred.
Anyway, what was your quote?
Well for a big corporate bank, 5 grand. I suppose, for a charity, I'll do it for 3 and a half...
No, what was your insurance quote?
Oh! Grand.. 1000 pounds.
That really includes, presumably, the 800 quid to cover your new expensive teeth.
I have not... had... my teeth whi-- I just haven't!
So... I actually lose... er, that's minus five... that's bad.
Ooh... Lose...! Englebert's going down, with his new teeth!
Now I was honest, and I said - "I'm a journalist, AND a broadcaster..."
And I bet you told them you live in London as well?
Yes, that's right - y'know, Single, car parked on the street, live in an area of London that's usually on fire...
So your quote was...
[dramatic pause for breath] Five thousand pounds! [for which he loses a massive 45 points]
[general laughter and an almost sympathetic bout of one-upmanship by Jeremy recounting a previous quote for £22000 on an Escort Cosworth worth "only" £19000]
[Jeremy driving a timed lap at Castle Coombe Race Circuit in his Maserati Merak]
4,000 RPM! And that's all the rebuilt engine has to give!
That car is...
Why won't you rev?!
...an appalling heap of junk.
[After they declared no one won the challenge]
But no matter, we did end up with a "Top Gear Top Tip", okay? Yes, you can buy a supercar for less than ten thousand pounds, but for the love of God, don't!!
[During the parking challenge in Marlborough]
[voiceover] Then it was James' turn and because his Lambo was very long and very hard to see out of, we waited for him to go and fetch it, and then...helped him out a little bit.
[Richard sees Jeremy moving one of the cars, so the parking space is significantly shorter]
You evil man! That's brilliant! That's genius!
S7 E5December 11th, 2005
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: We drive the new Bugatti in Italy; we drive the new Bugatti in Switzerland and France; and we drive the new Bugatti in London.
[After Hammond's review of the Marcos TSO]
[opening the door of the Marcos TSO] What's this?
Erm...
[showing what he found] It's a tooth-whitening kit.
It's a plant! It's a plant!
It was just a theory until a moment ago...
[on the Stig]
Some say he can swim seven lengths under water, and he has webbed buttocks... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
Now, I'm dying to know the verdict, but first, something more important... your hat! What were you thinking?! You were like the dog car in Dumb and Dumber [makes a face referring to the hat James was wearing in the 2WD Vs. AWD 911 challenge]
[leans toward Hammond] Listen! That hat is haute couture in rallying circles.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.