Top Gear · Season 5
[Interview with Jimmy Carr]
Then after Cambridge, it was off to work for an oil company.
Yes, Shell.
Middle Management?
Yeah, middle - I was in marketing, for oil.
Okay...
...which is technically the easiest job on the planet. Do you have a fuel gauge in your car?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know when that goes into the red?
Yeah?
Buy some petrol. Job done.
They make £800,000 an hour, profit. Shell.
An hour? That's more than I make in a week!
James, we are grown men playing conkers with caravans.
That's okay. It's better than working at a bank.
[to a pizzaboy at night in the woods] I suppose you are the headless pizzaboy of the apocalypse, are you?
[during the conclusion of the Pagani Zonda Roadster review]
This is bad news, ladies, very bad news. Little Richard has fallen in love with a ton and a bit of kevlar and wires. Look, they've all come down here... [wanders over to a couple of ladies] look, they've all come down here with their bare mid-riffs... and "Richard" and "Hammond" written on their... like that, and it's no good, he's gone!
I love it, I think this is the big one.
Now, we're going to have to go do the news now before he leaves a deposit on it. Um... oh yeah. So let's do that!
[While road-testing a Pagani Zonda Roadster] If you are ten and you are watching this right now, it's exactly as good as you think it is. It is actually that good.
[While driving the Pagani Zonda Roadster through a tunnel] There are demons in here! AND I'M DRIVING ONE!
[While road-testing a Pagani Zonda Roadster] I would sell my house, buy one of these and live in a tunnel. [...] Welcome to the Dark Side!
[On the Wally 118]
Welcome to the coolest thing in the entire world, a boat...If Darth Vader was a pirate, this would be his ship.
[During the opening sequence.]
On tonight's show: James celebrates 50 years of guitar music... in a Mercedes; a Broken Arrow star in our Reasonably-Priced Car; and I tackle the world's most fearsome race track... in a diesel.
Absolutely everybody here was faster than me. [talking about the Nürburgring]
Yes, that's true.
Do you think I'm going to be able to get 'round in ten minutes?
[laughing] No.
Don't sugar coat it like that, tell me straight.
You're not one hundred percent talent-free, but... eighty percent?
Eighty percent talent free... right.
[to a biker on the Nürburgring] Get a car and some proper clothes for God's sake!
[pushing his beer away] Get thee behind me, juice of Johann Vegas.
[to Jeremy after seeing his fastest lap] I do that lap time in a van.
[During the opening sequence.]
On tonight's show: How fast can a blind man get round our track? How much Porsche can you get for 1500 pounds? And Britain's most successful recording artist ever is in our Reasonably-Priced Car.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
