[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, I talk to two old ladies; Richard makes a phone call; And James sniffs his own armpit.
“July 11th, 2011” · Season 17, Episode 3
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (9), Richard Hammond (2), James May (1)
[while testing the McLaren's suspension on the corner of Bentley Bend on the Top Gear test track]
You'd get more of a jolt if you drove a Rolls-Royce over a Jaffa cake.
[while reviewing the McLaren MP4-12C]
When you drive a Lamborghini it's like you're operating a horse with some mustard stuck up its bottom, but when you drive this -- it's like you're operating the sort of machine they use, I imagine, in ophthalmic surgery
The McLaren, then, is like a pair of tights. Very practical and very sensible. The Ferrari, though, that is a pair of stockings.
[On the Stig]
Some say that he refuses to acknowledge the existence of Nottinghamshire. And that he recently received a very strong e-mail from his fiancee's mother saying it's bad manners to sit at the dinner table in a helmet. All we know is he's called the Stig!
What kind of bird can have a gallon of guano in its gut and still take off and achieve sufficient altitude to defecate on my Range Rover?!
A big one!
Maybe it was a flying cow.
What?
James, you really do live in Hammersmith, don't you?
We should bear in mind this is the man who believes cows lay eggs, and he does. He said that on the show.
You say that --
I said eggs come from cows.
Well, you see...
It is genuinely unbelievable that that car [pointing to Richard's Bentley Turbo R] costs exactly the same as this car [referring to the Nissan Pixo]. Of course, we're not thick. Well, he is [points to Richard]. But even he knows that the Bentley was hand-made in England -- and saying something was hand-made in England is just a way of saying the door's going to fall off.
Subaru Impreza, in budget, in the correct blue with gold alloys. Lovely.
WRX, this one.
It is, yes.
Could you get an STI -- in budget?
No.
P1.
No.
RB5.
Now you're just saying letters and numbers.
SK1?
That's the postcode for Stockport.
[In Jeremy's Mercedes-Benz CL 600]
Let me just try the linguatronic, make sure that's working OK. [to the radio] Radio Two.
MVMale Voice on Radio
Capital. Radio 4. News Direct.
FVFemale Voice on Radio
Cancel.
That's working brilliantly. Exactly like every linguatronic system I've ever encountered. Total disobedience! [laughs]
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