[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, Richard drives a muscle car, I wear some unusual trousers and there's a wizard in our Reasonably Priced Car.
S15 E3July 11th, 2010
[Comparing the three luxury supercars' looks]
You've got [Pointing at the Aston Martin Rapide] the ballet dancer, [Pointing at the Maserati Quattroporte GTS] the hitman, and... [Pointing at the Porsche Panamera]
Someone who's just been found at the bottom of a lake after two weeks.
Yes. And THAT [pointing at the Maserati] is the man who threw him there. [Richard and Jeremy laugh]
Wait, I wanted to drive the Maserati!
[In a high-pitched voice, while driving away] Toodalooooooooo!
[Trying to adjust the settings in the Maserati Quattroporte GTS]
Manual, semi-automatic... oh, these are the weapons! [In the back, Jeremy and Richard laugh]
[Coming up new ways for Aston Martin to lower their CO2 emissions rather than making the Cygnet]
Hang on a minute. If they just need to bring their average CO2 down, why don't they just buy a bicycle factory?
Or they should do Aston Martin flowers, 'cause they suck in CO2 and put out oxygen, and that would bring it crashing down!
I think it has to be a mode of transport... you can't go to work on some flowers. A horse?
Scissors.
Have you ever tried sitting on a pair of scissors? [laughter]
Not yet.
He probably has actually.
It won't work. A cow? A cow --
Ostriches. They're quite exotic.
[On the Stig]
Some say that if you hold him in the wrong way he doesn't work properly. (laughter) And that just recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barichello. All we know is he's called the Stig.
S15 E4July 18th, 2010
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, I wear a hat. Richard wears a hat. And James wears a hat.
[During the news]
It has been wrongly assumed that blind people can't drive.
Well, they can't.
Yeah, realistically they can't...
No, no, no. Blind people can drive. Just mostly into things.
[after arriving in his modified Land Rover Cottage at the start point, Fleet services on the M3]
And here it is. I´m genuinely genuinely proud of it.
(voiceover) But before I had a chance to talk you through, Jeremy arrived. In what appeared to be a block of flats on top of an old Citroen.
[On the Stig]
Some say that he spent all week daydreaming about what Rubens Barrichello would look like in a ham slicer. [laughter] And that he's terrified the BBC will reveal his salary, because he's paid in strong pornography. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
[After describing the problems in his Land Rover] Mind you, compared to Jeremy's design flaw...
[The camera cuts to the front of Jeremy's car, which is swaying from side to side rather violently due to the height of Jeremy's "flats"]
[trying desperately to control his Citroen] Ahh! Ahh! AHHH! Oh my God! No, this is terrifying! I can't begin to describe what this feels like. Oookay, wallowing quite badly. [narrating] I asked James to pull in behind to assess the gravity of the situation... but he wasn't much help. [the camera cuts to inside James' car, where James is roaring with laughter.] And to be honest, nor was Hammond. [the camera cuts to inside Richard's car, where he is also in complete hysterics.]
I've cocked up, I know I've cocked up. Wahaaa, low bridge!
[over the walkie-talkie after Jeremy cleared the bridge] Jeremy, did you make a note of how tall it actually is?
[to himself, muttering] No, I didn't. [over the walkie-talkie] Yes!
[smirking] He hasn't got a clue.
[Jeremy sees he is being overtaken by a huge lorry]
[gasp of horror, then] AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
[over the walkie-talkie, after witnessing Jeremy swerving frantically to maintain control and avoid the lorry] Jeremy, can I just say, this is the biggest entertainment I've had on a road journey in my whole life! It's absolutely hilarious!
[lifts the Citroen's bonnet] Holy moley! What manner of terrible thing has happened under my bonnet? It's actually had diarrhoea, is what's happened here.
[at the beach]
I, um, have had to leave some of the panels at the camp site. Well, all of them, pretty much, and that, um... [we see Richard inside the back of the Land Rover, which has no panels] ...has sort of compromised privacy, rather. [a crowd of men on the beach watch him] Yeah, they're not gonna go, are they?
Sitrep. Don't like driving my Citroen, don't like sleeping in my Citroen, almost certainly won't like cooking in it either.
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