Top Gear · Season 12
[on the GAZ Chaika]
You know the KGB used these. Except theirs had more powerful engines, and they imported their fuel from Finland 'cause it didn't have twigs in it. You should see the amount of space back here [in the rear seat]. You could chop up 30 dissidents in the back of here!
[having trouble with the Chaika's pushbutton gear select]
Oh ----! It's disappeared into the bloody dashboard!
[driving a Lada Niva] You know, I once drove one of these down a very heavily rutted track at fifty miles an hour and I was able to use the cigarette lighter -- 'cause it was so smooth -- to light a cigarette. It was that smooth. I'd actually quite like to demonstrate that for you now but unfortunately, we don't live in a free country!
[driving the Niva]
Does this mean we've actually found a Communist car we like?
[the Niva's engine cuts out and Jeremy is unable to re-start it]
No!
[Introducing Jeremy's road test of the Ford Fiesta]
Now - every week on Top Gear we get a stack of letters. But this week one in particular caught our eye. It's from a Mister Needham and it says "Why do you not test cars properly any more? Have you forgotten how?".
Now this really hurt us, so we decided to take the new Ford Fiesta and do a proper road test. Like they used to on Top Gear in the old days.
Yeah, to be honest we were quite looking forward to it. But then at the very last minute, Jeremy came in and said he wanted to do it.
[referring to a diesel version of the Fiesta]
I wouldn't bother with that particular model though because it'll almost certainly be shi-
[deadpan] Certainly will easily do 70 mph which is what I'm doing now, and that's the maximum speed you can go in Britain, so that's good... is this thorough enough for you, Mr. Needham?
[discussing the entry-level model]
Do you want that one, though? Really? Honestly? A basic model? Because I bet that's also shi-
What if I go to a shopping centre and get chased by baddies in a Corvette?
[There follows a sequence of Clarkson in the Fiesta being chased through the interior of a shopping mall and its parking structure by a Corvette]
I'm now breaking the speed limit... INDOORS!
I've got 120 horsepower in this. You don't want any more than that on marble.
The Corvette is stuck in British Home Stores! Turning circle: not good enough.
[Q: Can I afford it?]
Prices start at around £8500, but you need £11000 to get a decent, mid-range model, so if you have £11000 to spend on a car, then yes you can. But if you've only got 40p, then... no... y-you can't.
[Q: Is it green?]
Yes. Very.
[We see the Fiesta in the background. It is, indeed, painted green.]
What if I am asked to take part in a beach assault with the Royal Marines?
[There follows a sequence of Clarkson being transported to a beach on a marine troop landing craft. During the sequence, there are three marines in the car with Clarkson, and comments are made relating to how easy it is to shoot from out of the car's open windows and the convenience of the cup holders coincidentally being the correct size to hold hand grenades]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
