[On the powerful, front wheel drive, Ford Focus RS]
Jeremy: Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling, let's say, more than 170 brake horsepower is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling. Penguins. While making love. To a beautiful woman, while on fire, on stage, in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong.
[On cornering]
Jeremy: Eventually, you will slide wide. But only after your face has come off.

[On the price of a Hummer H2]
Jeremy: And it seems like quite a lot, when you peel away this amazing body and find out what's underneath. Yep, underneath the abs and the pecs is a GMC Tahoe, which is ugly, big, slow, and is completely flummoxed by snow, mud, gravel, soil, grass clippings, drizzle, or even a light breeze.

[on the Prodrive P2, after being made car-sick by its incredible cornering grip]
Jeremy: It can blow your mind... but also empty your stomach.

[on the Prodrive P2]
Jeremy: You also get a funny little noise from the waste gate when you take your foot off the accelerator... [he lifts off, and we hear the noise] It sounds like squirrels are being pushed into the engine. That's what this is, it's a squirrel mincer!

[on the qualifying in the night]
Richard: [voiceover] Then it was Jeremy's turn.
Jeremy: Holy cow, I can't see a thing...
Richard: [voiceover] He tried to cure the lack of visibility with speed.
Jeremy: I just took Bridge Corner flat, first time I...oh, I'm off! People behind me must be thinking, "Who is this clown?"

[on the qualifying]
Jeremy: What if I have to get out of somebody's way to let him go by...
Richard: ...I don't know, I don't know...
Jeremy: This is without any question or shadow of doubt the scariest thing I've ever done.
Richard: Yes...
James: I've broken my zip.
Richard [irritated]: That's bad?
[two hours before the race is scheduled to start, James comes up to Jeremy and Richard]

[on the re-engineered Koeniggsegg CCX, with altered suspension and an added rear spoiler, and keeping in with the modified S-Class theme]
Jeremy: We're no longer just reviewing cars on Top Gear - we're designing them!

[on the recall of several Bentley models for wheel nuts that could come loose while the car's being driven]
Richard: Bentley say it's not a big deal? [looks mystified, shrugs] It's only one batch of nuts affected; it only affected, I've got it written down here, it only concerns the Arnage R. And the Arnage T. And the Arnage RL. And the Azure. So basically, pretty much all of the cars they make. And it's only those built between February '05... and August last year. That's a year and a half!
Jeremy: No, my favorite is, the government, OK, who actually run this recall, they say here, "If the bolts do become loose, this would in all probability be noticeable to the driver."
Richard: Yes it would.
Jeremy': "... As there would be a considerable mechanical knocking noise."
Richard: What, when a wheel comes off?
Jeremy: And sparks. And [pantomimes being in a rolling car] sky road sky road ditch.
Richard: [pantomimes driving] "Dear, I think there might be something wrong with the car!"

[On the Renault Clio V6]
Jeremy: Imagine watching the entire French air force crash into a fireworks factory. That's how much of a laugh this car is.
[...]
Jeremy: Oh, and it's the least maneuverable car on the road. Oil tanker captains have been heard to say that their ships have the turning circles of Clio V6s.
[...]
Jeremy: I think the problem is that it's... French.
[later, with overdone French accent.]
Jeremy: I don't want to go around this corner fast. I want to go home and make love and make cheese. That's what I like doing most of all 'cause I'm French!

[on the Renault Vel Satis]
Jeremy: It's capable of going fast in the same way that Queen Victoria was capable of running. It just doesn't seem to like it very much.

[on the Riva]
James: I thought so.
Jeremy: What?
James: A rev counter.
Jeremy: Yes?
James: You decadent capitalist pig. Ownership of a rev counter is theft.
Jeremy: Look at the colour. This is the colour of a prosthetic limb.
James: You've got wipers on your headlights!
Jeremy: They don't work.
James: That's not the point! It's aspirational!

[On the Road of Death, Jeremy with his eyes on a passing vehicle accidentally rams James despite being warned not to earlier on. Shaken and angry, James gets out with his machete and approaches Jeremy's car]
Jeremy: Sorry, I was...
James: [Overlapping] I was pretty f**king straight with you on this one, and now you're gonna get machete'd to death. [starts jabbing the blade at Jeremy's neck, half-threatening]
Jeremy: [fending James off] Don't- I was watching the taxi!
James: [interrupting] I did warn you! Did I or did I not warn you?!
[In Richard's truck]
Richard: [casually observing the spectacle] James is killing Jeremy... Yeah, thing's are going well.
[Back to James and Jeremy]
Jeremy: I was watching the taxi.
James: You weren't!
Jeremy: I was watching the taxi.

[on the Rover Streetwise]
Jeremy: They're saying it's an "urban on-roader". If we analyze that, an "urban on-roader" is a car designed to go on the road in town. So... it's a car. Isn't it.
Richard: Essentially, yes.
[...]
Jeremy: [consulting press release] They are saying that: it has got a split folding rear seat...
James: Like a car.
Jeremy: Yeah. It's available with a selection of petrol and diesel power units...
Richard: Well, that is clever.
James: Like a car.
Richard: Yeah, yeah.
Jeremy: ... various transmissions, three trim levels...
James: Car-like.
Jeremy: Yup, very car-like... "It's fun to drive, handy in traffic, easy to park and and able to shrug off hard use by active individuals and young families."
Richard: They've put some thought into this, haven't they?
Jeremy: "Has elements of the SUV appeal," no it doesn't, it's not four-wheel-drive, "with good ground clearance and ruggedness but without the cost and complexity of 4x4 transmission."
James: It's a car.
Jeremy: It's a car. "At the same time it offers good all-round performance and capability out of town, from motorways to farm tracks!"
Richard: [impressed] So you can drive out of town as well!
Jeremy: It's not just an urban on-roader, it's a motorway on-roader as well! And it can do farm tracks, but nothing too difficult, OK?

[on the Saab "night panel" function]
Jeremy: That's handy if you want to line up for a bombing run on a Soviet nuclear submarine base, but of limited use on the A38 just outside Burton-on-Trent.

[on the SLR's engine]
Richard: It puts out six hundred and twenty-six brake horsepower, and more torque than in all the rest of the cars in the world added together.