TV show quotes
[Reading from the first challenge card] You must now imagine that you are 17...
Yes.
...and modify your cars accordingly, in order to do what any 17-year-old boy wants to do: attract girls!
[Laughing at Jeremy] You've had it! Well look at your beige Volvo!
Just--get on...
[Continuing] Your budget is whatever you have left from your original £2,500.
[To James] So how much have you got?
300 quid.
[To Richard] You?
500 quid! You?
...naught.
[Jeremy is slipping badly on the slope while trying to escape the clutches of the Glastonbury car park.]
[as if in a crisis] OH, P-L-E-A-S-E!! PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!!
[During the news, about the car insurance]
Can I just point out before we do move on, if you do decide to put yourself on your parents' insurance, and you have a crash, and the insurance company find out that it was really your car...
Which they will if it's got a body kit on it. Or even half a body kit. [part of Hammond's body kit had fallen off in an earlier challenge]
Alright, whatever. The point is, if the insurance company find out that it really was your car after all, they won't pay out. And then they can prosecute you, and then you might have to go to jail. And then one day you'll be in the showers and a big, strange man will come and-
[interrupting] Oookayy! Okay...
[During the news, while commenting on the cheap car challenge]
I thought the best noise that ever came out of a car was the one coming out of the stereo of my seventeen-year-old Golf until you two touched it inappropriately.
[commenting on the furore over North Korea's nuclear tests]
Why would the Koreans nuke Hammersmith?
They used American guidance systems?
[Jeremy has just remembered about the Ferrari FXX lap, and has bad news.]
Last week, a man came here, claiming to be the Stig. Maybe he is, we don't know. Okay? Maybe he is, but what we do know is he set a time of one minute, ten seconds in a Ferrari FXX round our track, top of our leaderboard. We subsequently discovered he was doing that on slick tyres. Now we have rules on this powerboard here, okay--you can't use slicks, so this time is coming off.
[Crowd boos as the time comes off.]
[indignantly] Oh, boo?!! [Crowd laughs] This is a dictatorship! You want to live in a democracy, go to Iran!
[Richard has parked his car noiselessly and safely, and now it is Jeremy's turn. All is rather quiet until...]
[in a frustrated yell] OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!
[James has sent the supermarket trolleys flying with his handbrake turn, but the teenage girls are paying no attention.]
They're hot for James May right now!
[Jeremy laughs loudly.]
I might as well have cut my penis off for all the good that did.
[Richard has crashed his car. Jeremy runs over to it and opens the door.]
You alright?
[After hearing no answer from Richard, he closes the door again.]
[mournfully] Dead.
Really?
Yeah... [sniffs] Yeah. Anyway, er...
Back to the studio.
[indignantly] That's my line!
[Later, in the studio...]
[gently] Luckily, children, I got better; you may not be so lucky.
[also gently] Yes, it's like my penis: that grew back. Yours might not.
[An irate Jeremy is trying to stop the windscreen wiper while in the studio.]
This is consumer advice as well, so...
[frustrated] SHUT UUUUUP!
Well of course, what we have proved there is that the Bugatti Veyron, which we know to be the fastest car in the world, is faster than another kind of car.
Guys! Problem!
What?
I've shoved my anarchy flag through my water lilo!
Nobody's ever said that before.
[Clarkson turned on his stereo while he was trying to quietly park] God's sake. No! [Lights turn on as Clarkson and Hammond laugh] You're so unfunny.
Tonight. We shout at the government. A man drives a Subaru through a building. And a dog goes in a car.
And now we must do the news, and starting off with Citroën, they've made a new C3, here it is, and... well, it's a Citroën, it looks like that, but the most important thing about it is, for this car, they've invented a new word.
Word?
They've actually, they've put it in their publicity material for it, and it's, it's "visiodrive". They confess they've made that up, it's a whole... new word! Visio... drive.
I'm sort of sympathetic.
Why?
Because none of the words you would normally use to describe a Citroën would work very well in their own publicity blurb, would they? Like... "flimsy".
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
