TV show quotes
But unfortunately, its driver had become bored with waiting. [Clarkson walks up to the Audi S4 with the Stig asleep at the wheel and knocks on the windscreen] Stiggy! Wakey wakey! Listen. We're gonna do a race. Okay? You're going to drive the Audi, and see if you can get past the Cadillac. Okay?
[the Stig stares back through his helmet]
[looking back at the camera] You think that's gone in?
[Jeremy has been looking in some boxes of Hammond's mum. He has now found something, and is practically wetting himself with laughter. He stumbles over to James whilst still laughing]
James, look what I just found in Hammond's box. [shows James]
[grimacing] Ooh...
They're his publicity pictures! [to camera] Look at that! [flips picture]
[mocking] Late-night love...
[mocking, in "smooth" voiceover style] Late-night love on 96.3 Cleveland FM, with Richard Hammond. [flipping through pictures] But look...
This is one of thirty radio stations and... [Jeremy finds the picture he's looking for] Oh! [tries unsuccessfully to stifle laughter] Hang on!
[both crack up]
I can see why he gets the jobs hosting Crufts. [to camera] Ready, steady... [flips picture to reveal a younger Richard with wavy, shoulder-length hair, resembling a classical musketeer... James manages to splutter "Dogtanian!" before he and Jeremy completely dissolve into laughter.]
[in the episode where their mums test three hatchbacks] Now we're just using boxes of old junk [lifts a box] cleared out of the mothers' lofts. You know, the kind of... the old tat that no one could possibly want, or... be prepared to read [holding up two of Jeremy's books and one of his solo videotapes]
[James's mother has just lapped the short circuit of their test track more than four seconds faster than Richard's mother]
You know how there's this global speculation about the identity of The Stig?
[Talking about the Peugeot 1007 electric doors] I think they were right about the Peugeot, because if we'd tested this we'd have spent all day with that button going "bzzzzt" and saying "Hey, this is like Star Trek!".
[on the Peugeot 407]
Looks good but no, it'll fall to pieces. Made by people who eat onions!
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: A Formula One world champion is the Star In Our Reasonably Priced Car; the Jaguar E-Type and the Aston Martin DB5; and the British Army shoots me in the face.
[On the Jaguar E-Type losing a drag race to the Honda Accord.]]
(voiceover) It seems like a strange result. I mean, when Jaguar launched the E-Type they said it would do 150 miles an hour. So how could it lose to a Japanese box? Well, let me explain.
They were lying!
[on the Stig]
Some say that his breath smells of magnesium, and that he's scared of bells... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[driving the new Mercedes Benz SLK while being shot by the Irish Guard snipers]
I'VE JUST SOILED MYSELF!!!!!
[A few moments later...]
I've been shot in the ear, the lungs, and there's a big mess in my pants!
[on the Mercedes SLK-55]
Come on automatic gearbox, WAKE UP!
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Question Time comes to our Reasonably-Priced Car; Aston's DB9 racer comes to our track; and an offshore powerboat against a Mercedes SLR.
[on the Stig]
Some say he naturally faces magnetic north, and that all of his legs are hydraulic... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
