TV show quotes
[voiceover] Back on the road, it turned out Hammond's BMW wasn't all that healthy either. But, it did give him a new game to play...
Ooh! Hold on a minute! I've got it! There's a problem with my brake lights. I have "Connect Three."
[as Hammond overtakes him] That doesn't sound good.
[voiceover] Ah, but Hammond wasn't going to steal the break-down honours from me! Help. [voiceover] With the others far in front, and out of sight, my wipers packed up.
[voiceover] Meanwhile, the Jag just kept pounding round. The only time it came into the pits was when the Captain's sense of direction broke down.
No, I didn't mean to come in, I went the wrong way!
[on the Maserati MC12 achieving the fastest lap to date]
You know, well, speed isn't everything... I can't believe I've just said that!
[on the endurance race]
It's not the winning. It's not the taking part. It's just bashing Hammond!
Motorsport is rubbish! [At the end of the coupes' race – 29/05/2005]
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Two British sports cars with forged papers; Dr. Who is the star in our reasonably priced car; And I splash out on a seventies Roller.
[On the Maserati Bora] Is molto bella!
[on the Wiesmann MF3]
You see the body and you think it's going to be as advanced as mud - but honestly, it corners like a cylon interceptor.
[on the Stig]
Some say that he appears on high value stamps in Sweden, and that he can catch fish with his tongue... we know him only, as the Stig.
[During the news]
[On the Porsche Cayman] Porsche, the laziest design studio in the world!
[On the smart fire car] You know that, erm, World's Wildest Police Chase thing that's on Channel 5 late at night (exaggerated American accent) "There's police chases from around the world!" And it's always a big V8 chasing a Corvette in Australia and America, then they go (American accent again) "We got a chase from the United Kingdom of England Land." And it's, "Oh no it's gonna be so embarrassing!" Sure enough it's a Vauxhall Astra with a big DIESEL sign over it. (Yorkshire policeman accent) "Ohh we're chasing this err BMX bike up the err A34." Oh this is going round the world, they're gonna laugh at us!
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I test the Cadillac CTS-V; Hammond tests the new BMW 3-Series; and we get three old ladies to test some small cars, because we couldn't be bothered.
[on the Stig]
Some say he is illegal in 17 U.S. states, and he blinks this way [motioning his fingers in a horizontal fashion]... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[after getting a call that his Ford GT has been stolen - while he's actually in it]
If you shut this car down, I'm going to come down there and eat your heart!
[to Ford, via the camera, after his new Ford GT had broken down]
If you don't mend it, I'm going to bone your dog!
[he then clarifies this as removing all of the dog's bones]
For sale: BMW 528. 19K, VGC, TNT, FSH, PAS, AAC, OBC, ICE, ABS, EBD, PDC, DTC, DSC. £15000, ONO [May playing with acronyms in his car advertisement]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
