[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: an awful new car from Rover; a brilliant new car from Aston Martin; and the Apache helicopter gunship: can it get missile lock on a Lotus Exige?
S4 E1May 9th, 2004
"A dog makes a better noise than that if you tread on it" (Regarding a Strokes song the show used).
[trying to out-manoeuvre an Apache helicopter's radar in a Lotus Exige] The best helicopter gunship in the world, flown by the best pilots in the world, the British Army, against the best handling car in the world, driven by an idiot.
That's not something you see everyday, a gunship in your rear view mirror.
Get out of the way, you Polish lorry! Why are you cluttering up our roads with Latvian milk?!
[During the News Segment. Hammond has just mentioned the new mini. He is wearing a bright red shirt.]
Whoa, what are the noises for? Do you like it?
AAudience (Including James)
No!
Heck, I do, Actually, I think that looks great! [silence] Maybe it's the shirt?
How much is it going to cost?
It's going to cost... well, they'll generally be about £2500 more than the equivalent hard top. So the Cooper S, the Supercharged version of that, £17 500, £15 500 for the coupe. About £13 500 I think for the mini one.
That's horrible.
Well, yeah, but the mini- it's not a cheap small car. It's an expensive small car. And I like that [points at mini].
It's a metrosexual car.
BBoth
A What?
Metrosexual! It's the new thing! It's for the chap, he doesn't wanna be too butch, he doesn't wanna have like, you know, a big 4x4, he spends quite a bit of money on hair products- [gestures towards Richard]
Don't point at me, mate.
He's interested in shirts, probably wears cowboy boots- [Richard is looking sheepishly at his feet, which are clad in cowboy boots] -That kind of thing! He's a blend of gay and not-gay.
[talking over Jeremy] I am not a metro-flamin'-sexual!
You are a metrosexual! I can see you in one of those! [Points at the Mini Cooper's picture]
Apart from anything else, how would you know what a metrosexual is?
I'm not only in touch with my feminine side, I'm in touch with my gay side as well.
You're probably right.
S4 E2May 16th, 2004
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: a pink Ford; a black man's Cadillac; and I go berserk in a Silver Arrow.
[during a news segment]
Have you seen the back seats of the Discovery?
They're magnificent!
Fantastic!
It's worth getting one--well you won't get one 'cos...
[Jeremy spots someone in the audience]
Jesus is here!
Well, we never knew!
Who have we booked as the guest this week?
Maybe he's not suppose to be on yet.
Is he the guest? That would be something, we'll have some viewers then!
JJesus
At least I'm not too tall for my hair, eh Jeremy?
BBoth
Wahey!
I don't know quite what bling is, but this must be it! [pointing to FAB 1]
[Later, after he has done his review of it]
[sitting in the car in the studio] So, I aks [sic] you, is I bling?
(Crowd Laughs)
With that jacket on mate? I don't think so...
[After having seen himself unable to start a car after being hypnotised by Paul McKenna] I really don't like you.
(On the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren) "It sounds like the god of thunder gargling a hammer."
[on the Cadillac Escalade]
[voiceover] American cars usually have pretty rubbish interiors, and inside the Escalade's, it's business as usual. Look [taps dashboard], they've just cut a wheelie bin to make that bit. It's all one lump of plastic. [voiceover] In American you can buy one of these motorized shopping malls for 28,000 pounds. But as is the way with these things, by the time it gets over here with some toys on it and the forms filled out, it's 50,000 pounds.
S4 E3May 23rd, 2004
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Jordan makes a boob in our Liana; Ferrari and Porsche go to war on our track; And we have some crashes on purpose.
(After seeing May's Audi 80)"You really can't believe that's a hundred quid car. I mean, I was ready to go, 'Oh no, James has bought a hen house'."
What I really do want is a radio.
(Listening to his radio) Robbie Williams played through a 1980's Volvo stereo.
I'd listen to radio 3! Or The Archers on 4!
(singing along) Thoughts running through my head...
Oh, I wish I had a radio!
That's the worst stereo I've ever heard in my life.
God, I wish I had a radio!
(smug) But it is a stereo. And Hammond doesn't have one.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.