[at the end of the race, back in the hangar]
Can I just say, that was the hardest thing we've ever done - being nice to each other for 24 hours.
JeremyWell, you know when you pulled up in the pits and you said "Good luck, mate", I nearly crashed!
Ooh, I felt dirty saying it, mate; it was wrong.
Jeremy
Still, we ended up coming third in our class...
Jeremy
...out of five, yes, and we finished 39th out of 46, [turning to James] partly actually because you drove so slowly!
Ooh, now, come on a minute...
Actually, hang on, you risked us not finishing at all by driving like an idiot in that last stint...
Jeremy
No, but wait, we would have finished 10th, mathematical certainty, if you hadn't hit that Mosler! We would have been 10th!
You said it wasn't my fault...
Jeremy
I was being nice, I didn't mean it...
Hey, this is more like it, isn't it? Normal service is being resumed!
[During the opening sequence.]
Jeremy
Tonight: The great, the good and the rubbish on the Top Gear Awards. We go on a motoring holiday with The Stig. And Doctor Who travels through space and time a bit more slowly than usual.
[shouting during his speed lap] Speed up!
We had a letter from the BBC, and they said what with petrol being £5.50 and all the rest of it, what we should actually be doing is giving some advice on... fuel economy and... saving money!
Yeah. Unfortunately, that letter was opened, by him. [points at Clarkson]
Jeremy
Yes. And I decided the best thing we could do was gather five supercars together and have a race!
[Jeremy has suggested that they steal a fuel tanker]
Jeremy
Put it in here, Google Earth'll never spot it. Honestly, 'cause if you think about it, 50,000 litres... [gets out a calculator and starts figuring]
Jeremy
... of fuel, OK... That would be enough to get your Mustang... [continues calculating] ... home!
Brilliant! Well, to Guildford.
[on the Hyundai Genesis]
Jeremy
Anyway, this is called the Genesis, all right? Which probably means that in a couple of years the front'll leave and Phil Collins'll move in there instead.
No, actually, strictly speaking, Phil Collins will come round from the back to take place at the front.
Jeremy
Oh, leaving Chester Thompson at the back.
Yeah, exactly, and then occasionally Phil Collins will have to go back to the back with Chester Thompson...
Jeremy
Yes.
I don't know what you two are saying now.
Jeremy
No, it's got a V6 engine, 3.8 litres, and in between the bank you've got a 25-minute keyboard solo.
[looking baffled] You're using words but it means nothing.
Jeremy
Would you rather it were called the Hyundai Westlife?
Yeah, all right. Thank you.
Jeremy
The Hyundai Girls Aloud, Hammond Edition.
[On the Toyota Urban Cruiser]
Jeremy
That is the stupidest name I've ever heard of. 'Cause forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't an urban cruiser someone who wears a mac and isn't allowed within 200 yards of a primary school?
They may not have thought that through.
Jeremy
They haven't. I mean, that's not going to work as a school run car if the police arrest it every time it goes near the gate.
[voiceover] It really was time for a challenge.
We don't yet know what we've gotta do.
Jeremy
Well if it's go to Brighton and pose undercover in gay clubs you're right there already.
[James and Jeremy laugh]
Jeremy
We've got a challenge here, boys.
Please don't let it have the word "Brighton" in it...
[During the Police Car challenge, on sirens]
Jeremy
[voiceover] James then demonstrated his siren... [James' Lexus plays "Camptown Races" in a cheesy electronic voice]...which he'd got from an ice-cream van.
Jeremy
They're gonna be really impressed with that on an American police video.
No, they stop for an ice-cream. And then they're nicked.
Jeremy
May I? [voiceover] Mine was much more high-tech. [Shows Clarkson pressing button on child's sound toy, the car moos] Oh, wait, no, that's the cow.
[upon Richard's arrival]
Jeremy
The Pet Cop Boys are here. No, wait. [reads Richard's car-door graphic] The Police.
Yeah, well, the police are coming... [indicates door] "The Police".
Jeremy
De do do do, de da da da.
[Upon Jeremy's car losing a wheel in said attempt]
I think it could be time to admit failure.
[To Jeremy] You failed to apprehend the miscreant.
Jeremy
We are rubbish at this, aren't we?
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
